I have been married almost 11 years and have been with my husband over 14 years and I am only 30 years old. I have been sleeping in our spare room off and on for over a year now and we cant even be in the same room without a huge fight occurring. Therefore the reason sleeping and being in different room anytime both of us our home. We have no children so thats a plus that would just add addition stress.
I feel like when we are in the same room its like an explosion is going come at any moment.
Ive never been so lonely I think in my life. And I dont mean that so men will try to talk to me on here so please dont abuse my lack of feeling loved and intimacy from my husband. Even though we are have some MAJOR issues I still love him but just wish I was in love again.....life has to get better right?

[Leed]

Hi Boncha ~ Do you think your husband would be willing to go to marital counseling? This marriage can't continue like this for much longer. Either you or he will decide to end it if it continues.

Something needs to be done, and the only thing I can think of is marriage counseling. Believe me, it works! And even if HE won't go, YOU could still go. But the way it is now isn't fair to either one of you. You're wasting precious time. Why not ask him, huh? I sure hope he'll go. And who knows? Perhaps you WILL fall in love with him again.

I wish you the very best -- and do me a favor? Let me know what happens, will you? Let me know if he decides to go! I'd really like to know. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

Hi Leed- Thank you very much for responding.
Ummm... we actually are already in marriage counseling But thank you I know its one of the best ideas to get help when we are lost but the road continues to get longer and longer for me...I understand what you mean by if these issues dont get addressed and fixed then there isnt going to be a marriage to try to fix. I have told him many of times that I just want to leave and get it over with. I am working really hard on my marriage, going to marriage counseling, seeing my own therapist, reading self help books etc.
The sad thing is is that I live 13 hours away from ANY family or friends. We moved to where we are living almost 7 years ago and Ive had yet to make any friends because I truly dont like forming friendships because I swear it seems like every time I do they find some way to screw me over emotionally. Lost & Lonely....

[justmemaybe]

Hi Boncha
I slept 15 yrs or so in different room than my ex. We are devorsed now.((spelled wrong))
you said "I still love him but just wish I was in love again" thats a biggy
"I have told him many of times that I just want to leave and get it over with"

To me it sounds like you do want out. Maybe you can go back to your family for a bit , give yourself some time..

As you wrote on top post.
"we cant even be in the same room without a huge fight occurring"

Its not worth putting up with that.
I wish you the best

[avlady]

I agree with Leed she always knows what to say and it's always right to the point, you should do something soon or it will be unrepairable as not to decide is to decide.

[Leed]

Boncha ~ If you're in therapy, and you STILL just want to leave and get it over with -- than I say LEAVE and get it over with. LOL Therapy won't work if you're just plain "done."

Why on earth did you move 13 hours away from family & friends? That should have been a clue right there that this was going to happen. That's too far to take someone away from their family -- especially a woman. At least that's the way *I* feel.

Get yourself a plane ticket, and move back home. Do it soon before you get any older -- you've wasted enough time sweetie. And you know what? I've lived in this village for 16 years, and have YET to make any friends. This bunch of yahoos don't accept people from the "outside." My late husband wanted to move here, and we didn't know they were like that when we got here. What a bunch of red-neck snobs. And yes they ARE red-necks. Hugs, Lee

Thanks for all your responses. I would like to think about what I want to say before I reply because I just really have some issues that i would like say but I need to think of how I would like to say. No its not anything negative that anyone said I think everyone is just saying how they feel and what is the right thing they believe I should do which ones opinion is never wrong if thats truly how they feel ( at leas to me, we are all different and think differently so I respect others feelings and thoughts) THank you all!

[LishaXYZ]

Hi Boncha. You said you fight a lot, but you never said why you fight. What do you fight about? Also, you said that you don't have friends and that every time you try to form friendships, they blow up in your face "...they find some way to screw me over emotionally."

If you are attracting people like that in your life, then you need to look within to see why you keep picking people like those that screw you over. The common denominator is you. Also, if you can't make friends, and you say you are lonely, my assumption is that you've always used your husband as your primary source of entertainment - which is bad for any relationship.

Here's what I'm thinking, and please correct me if I'm wrong, you must get a life of your own. You must get a social life - one that doesn't involve your husband. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Also, a socially active woman who is engaged in life is an attractive more desireable partner. I'm not saying you are the reason things are going badly in the marriage, but it really does take two. You can't change him, but you can change you. I think not having friends and being lonely, makes a person needy, which puts a strain on marriage.

Also, what do you do for a living? What does he do? What does he like to do when he's not working? What do you like to do when you're not working? What are your hobbies? Start figuring these things out for yourself and start focusing on you and not your relationship with your husband just yet.

You've got to have a self before you can have a relationship. It sounds like you don't have a sense of self yet.