Should i save him?

Im very early into my Dx's. About two and a half months with 3weeks being inpatient. I read the divorce rate for Bipolar is 90%. I mentioned to my husband who is very much out of grace and patience now that if he can't handle this after only less than 3 months he might as well leave cause this is a life long deal. I can kick the Borderline Dx in time, its behavioral. But the Bipolar, I just don't know. I am reminded that he's been dealing with my psychosis for the past 12yrs and I am only NOW just dealing with. I just figured me out. He did not say this, it just IS. We have three young daughters (8,5.5&3.5yrs old). We've been through a lot together. We've had a lot of happenings (pretty much everything but adultery) come between us. But there's never been a back door to our marriage. We are both from broken homes and have even jokingly said over the years that if we did divorce we'd get a bigger house, give each other space and live together. We know how much it matters. We want our family. To hear him tell it he loves me and wants to be with me but he really is suffering. One minute he's afraid of me, the next he's afraid for me. He gets very irritated with my mood swings. Heck, Im irritated with myself! I don't want to ruin him and the rest of his life. When I texted about the 90% divorce rate he replied that "we are definitely in the 10%. But he hates me at times. Makes him miserable to be near me when Im "negative" which apparently is always now. I've been on the depressed end for a few days now and Im spiraling out of control. I told him I wanted to go inpatient but I didn't want him to have to go through that again. I've tried my damnedest to get in with a pdoc and can't see anyone until 7/2. I managed to get one refill on my meds from the Rx'ing pdoc and 3 refills from an ER doc. But I am having bad sude efff

*posted too soon

So yeh, side effects from my meds and idk what's helping and what isn't. I can't manage my own meds. Im so new to all of this and now I've got to just hold the ***** on until I can see someone. My poor husband. I feel so bad for him. Should I just let him go? Should I just kill myself do he doesn't ever have to feel guilty for leaving me? I hate this.

Heavens NO don't kill yourself! What an awful thought! Suicide is a PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. Things aren't always going to be like this! You are early in your diagnosis, and things will be stabilized. It will just take time.

Don't you think you owe it to HIM to let HIM make the decision whether to stay or go?

If he said that you two are in the 10% as far as divorce goes, he must have meant it. Sure he gets agitated, who wouldnt? He only human. YOU would get irritated with HIM too, if the shoe was on the other foot. I just hope he reads up on BiPolar so he understands it more. He needs to understand it, so he doesn't blame you so much -- so he doesn't get so darned irritated with you, as though it was your fault! You cannot help it! You're not TRYING to upset him, or irritate him. Afterall, it irritates YOU too.

And NO, don't just "let him go." You have kids that need a father. You aren't able to handle 3 kids by yourself. Besides, I doubt he would go.

So stop beating yourself up. This is NOT your fault. And like I said before, you're early in your diagnosis and things aren't always going to be this way.
I think you should look around and see if you can't get into see someone else sooner than July!! Good grief. That's a long time to wait!

At any rate, keep us posted ok? And keep posting HERE. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

So I finally saw another psych who agreed with my Dx's and helped adjust my meds. I'm feeling much more hopeful after finally getting to.talk to a pdoc. He agreed the Seroquel dose was excessive, and we believe that high dose was actually causing the hallucinations. I am now down to 600mg at bed and in a couple days I'll taper down to 400 then 200, etc. He also took one look at my rash and said it was no doubt the Lamictal causing it. I have been to the ER once for it and they just gave me a 5day regimen of Prednisone and said they can't adjust my meds even if Im having an allergic reaction

Sooooo he's helping me wean off of Lamictal, too. By next Friday I plan to be Lamictal free and close to Seroquel free. I've gained 50lbs in 3 months. It's insanity

I found an IRL support group that meets 2x a month, I've gotten two great books about Bipolar. I told my hubby it's too bad he doesn't read and he just said,"yep." But he does read
He reads ESPN on his phone, news on his phone, etc. I've linked him to my blog a couple times via text since I know he reads on his phone but I still don't know if he's read it or not. I am going to point blank ask him. He's open to talk about it sometimes and usually in the camp of "once you're on the right meds you'll be fine." I tried to explain that he's partially correct but there can be triggers that could possibly set me off in the future. I don't really know what my triggers are or how to figure it out. I want him to understand but it's almost like he thinks I am just using the Bipolar as an excuse or like I can just be "fixed."

Things aren't much better and he's been spending a lot of time working on his car when he gets home. I miss him. I went and got a birth control shot so we could be more free in that arena, sometimes sex is a big fat eraser and once you're together all the little things that were bothering you just fade away. I think God created sex to be like that for married folks. I'm hoping it helps reconnect us. I just feel stuck. There's a "friends & family of bipolar" group that meets the same day/time as my group and I am trying to get him to go. I think we both have a lot to learn still. I just need him on the same page as me, or at least in the same book!

You should have definitely talked with a psychiatrist before taking any form of hormonal birth control. It can mess with your moods as much as any psychiatric med.

otherwise, good luck, I hope all works out well for you.

I'd say stay away from those hormones, for me it almost killed me, i ended up having a 3 MONTH period. then i finally got the operation for endomitriousis, a very serious condition.

Maybe your husband doesn't want to focus on your illness, and would rather focus on who you are a person?

Just because you have this, doesn't mean he wouldn't want to be with you. Earlier you mentioned that he said you two were the other 10% then.

I get why you wanted birth control, was your doctor OK with this? Either one, would have been aware of what other meds you were on. So, if that's an added benefit to your marriage, so be it

Hang in there. There's plenty of people in this world, who have what you have. Maybe, it's taking a while for the new DX to click into you mind. Takes time.

You'll get there...

I wouldn't take any drug without asking a pdoc. He said it was hit or miss. So far it's been good, no side effects

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate all you have to say. The Dx really hasn't clicked with me yet.

That statistic of 90% doesn't hold water.

While its true that bipolar ---may--- have a higher percentage of divorce (via adultery), there isn't a definite end-all study on it. It was published in a magazine and adopted by NAMI but has no references listed on the original article.

Birth control shots are bad, and only a solution if nothing else works. You got it, so you will have it in your bloodstream for whatever time period, but try to get an IUD instead. Birth control shots are also worse than the Pill in terms of side effects profile, so unless you really cannot trust your discipline taking meds, and want hormonal birth control, you should be on the Pill, but since you are taking psychiatric meds anyway I see no reason why you would not have enough self-discipline to take the Pill.

So in the order of desirability, if you want to be free from condoms:

1) IUD
2) Pill
3) shots far behind