[Kevin1706]

and let go of the anger? It's been 2 months since my wife dropped the bomb on me about her multiple one night stands. She seems to be coming to the conclusion that I can't move past this.

I'm in therapy both individually and couples. I'm trying to forgive her. My basic thought has gone from "I can't believe she cheated on me" to "She ****ing Cheated on Me!!!"

All I feel is anger.

[Jeannie82]

Originally Posted by Kevin1706

and let go of the anger? It's been 2 months since my wife dropped the bomb on me about her multiple one night stands. She seems to be coming to the conclusion that I can't move past this.

I'm in therapy both individually and couples. I'm trying to forgive her. My basic thought has gone from "I can't believe she cheated on me" to "She ****ing Cheated on Me!!!"

All I feel is anger.

Hi Kevin, sorry to hear that, what a shame you have to go through something like this. 2 months is still quite a short time, you will definitely need more time than that to finally be at peace with yourself before forgiveness even happen.

I've been down the similar path, except my marriage didn't last base on the fact it was never meant to work for starters. My ex husband cheated on me 2 months on into our marriage and I only found it all out after 1.5 years. He didn't even have the courage to admit it after I found him out.

Cheating is not something that anyone can move on from it easily. It takes time and effort from both parties especially the guilty one more than just effort. But if your marriage had started out great, perhaps there are some hidden issues that need to be address by both sides onto why it had led your wife towards infidelity?

[middie]

I would say that is normal and understandable and part of the process of healing. You are coming to terms with the initial shock of being told about the cheating and are accepting that it has taken place. Its likely that you will experience plenty of other strong emotions during this process, just accept that this is part of the process and take each day as it come......sending a hug of support to you x

[Jeannie82]

Hi kelvin, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have been through similar situation except my ex husband was not at all honest at any point to come clean with his infidelity. Again he became my ex for a good reason as our relationship never had a strong foundation to start off with.

You are going through therapy now for 2 months? Perhaps give it more time before re evaluating the whole situation and how you feel again. I think it's really important that you try and give it time since the wounds are still raw. Again for your wife to come clean with you is also a bold step for her to admit to her mistakes, believe me not many people out there are capable of.

I don't condone infidelity in any committed relationships esp the most sacred marriage. But we are all human after all and sometimes things happen for a good reason? Perhaps a wake up call to many of us to what exactly is going on and what we can all do to improve the relationship?

I don't think I would be able to.

I know I could never trust the person again.

To me it isn't about the sex.

It's about the lies & deceit.

A horrid thing to do to another person!

[healingme4me]

It's not up, to your wife, to decide, that after two months, it's up to YOU, to already move past this!?!

At this, point, she's the one that needs to make some serious changes and efforts, and not believe that all she has to say is sorry, for you to forgive her.

I am not sure, how long, it will take for your anger to simmer. Clearly, if she's expecting you to be over it by now, she brings forth more to this than meets the eye.

If anything, things will never be the same. Some marriages do recover from affairs, but it takes serious work, to get there.

[seed11]

Maybe you can try to look at the situation from a different point of view.
Rethink all the problem: why should people make commitment to only one person? Why should we have only one relationship when we desire multiple ones?

Ps.: what's wrong with anger? you fight, you break up, you kiss, you make up

Originally Posted by Kevin1706

and let go of the anger? It's been 2 months since my wife dropped the bomb on me about her multiple one night stands. She seems to be coming to the conclusion that I can't move past this.

I'm in therapy both individually and couples. I'm trying to forgive her. My basic thought has gone from "I can't believe she cheated on me" to "She ****ing Cheated on Me!!!"

All I feel is anger.

[coincidence]

Originally Posted by seed11

Maybe you can try to look at the situation from a different point of view.
Rethink all the problem: why should people make commitment to only one person? Why should we have only one relationship when we desire multiple ones?

Ps.: what's wrong with anger? you fight, you break up, you kiss, you make up

If a person desired multiple relationships it would only be fair to let the person they were dating know before the relationship became serious, rather than cheat later on and hurt their partner.

[coincidence]

Originally Posted by Kevin1706

and let go of the anger? It's been 2 months since my wife dropped the bomb on me about her multiple one night stands. She seems to be coming to the conclusion that I can't move past this.

I'm in therapy both individually and couples. I'm trying to forgive her. My basic thought has gone from "I can't believe she cheated on me" to "She ****ing Cheated on Me!!!"

All I feel is anger.

Sorry to hear. It is normal to feel anger in that situation, do not feel guilty about feeling pain or anger. It could take a long time to get over the anger.
It could take a lot of talking too.

[seed11]

Originally Posted by coincidence

If a person desired multiple relationships it would only be fair to let the person they were dating know before the relationship became serious, rather than cheat later on and hurt their partner.

People can change their minds! Anyway, lieing isn't right, but it's a human mistake, maybe the most common.

[Dionysius]

The question has been asked, why should we commit to one person? People who declare their love for each other tend to want a level of commitment from each other. It shows that they have mutual respect and most people don`t want to share the one they love. Then there is the risk of STDs. Growing up I observed "grown-ups" behaviour and this led me to realise that no-one can be trusted, husbands cheating and leaving their wives to bring up two, three or even four children on their own left a nasty taste, women cheating etc, brought me to the conclusion that commitment doesn`t really work. The last relationship that I was in was a "commited" one and as such I really did trust her. We both know/knew that nothing is permanent. One falls out of love with the other, the rot sets in, they start looking at other potential lovers and someone always gets hurt. There is no reason or justification for cheating, if you no longer want your partner you should end it before taking on more lovers. The fact that he/she is having sex with others means they don`t love their respective partners. Therefore it is not a relationship. Just another sexual liason. I certainly wouldn`t want to be with someone who has one or more other sexual encounters. To put it bluntly who wants the love "of their life" to allow lots of other men to ejaculate inside them and then return home as if nothing had happened?

[hope-floats]

Originally Posted by Kevin1706

and let go of the anger? It's been 2 months since my wife dropped the bomb on me about her multiple one night stands. She seems to be coming to the conclusion that I can't move past this.

I'm in therapy both individually and couples. I'm trying to forgive her. My basic thought has gone from "I can't believe she cheated on me" to "She ****ing Cheated on Me!!!"

All I feel is anger.

I am sorry you are going through this. My husband cheated a few times and I hate to say this but I really never forgave him. I tried but the trust never returned and then you question everything.
I do hope that you can find a way to forgive her to save your marriage.

[Dionysius]

Originally Posted by Kevin1706

and let go of the anger? It's been 2 months since my wife dropped the bomb on me about her multiple one night stands. She seems to be coming to the conclusion that I can't move past this.

I'm in therapy both individually and couples. I'm trying to forgive her. My basic thought has gone from "I can't believe she cheated on me" to "She ****ing Cheated on Me!!!"

All I feel is anger.

Hello, Kevin1706, I can empathise with you and just say I hope you two can sort this out. It`s only natural to feel angry so don`t feel guilty about any of your emotions. I hadn`t any proof that my ex had cheated, but I could tell our time together was coming to an end. I was devastated and 5 and a half years later still miss what we had. I do hope you feel better soon and as I said hope you can sort it out, best wishes, Dionysius.

[Laurielrocks]

hi. I didnt think i could forgive. We been together 15 years and he had done it years before.. Its not the act of cheating its the lying i hated more. I gave him another chance.. I invested so much into this and didnt find out until three days into our marriage four years ago. Its hard to forget believe me i know but i have to say we tried. People **** up.....there are degrees of ****ing up yes...... But i gave him a chqnce to prove himself.. I cant stop it from happeningagain, but i know its not personal. I would just take what i have put into this and go. I deserve a happy life.. I love him. I wasnt mad at him for doing it......it was the sneaking and lying.. . Not too fond of that. You have to ask yourself. Is she worth another chance? Jay did 1 ugly ugly girl. Its true. I f it were multiples i probly woulda had divorce papers derawn up before the marriage ones dried.

[danraylu]

Not sure how you can... I tend to stay away from cliche sayings but once a cheater always one. It would take some really life altering circumstances to be ok with this and in the end it depends on the events that took place... My brother's wife cheated on him. She seemed to change but she refused to quit her job ( a male dominated field) so she didn't change her behavior or her environment so it was bound to happen again and it did... As much as it might turn your world upside down your better off leaving him and finding someone who will respect you enough to let you know when they are not happy with you or can at least man up and say that.

A few signs of cheaters:
1. Their phone--- phones are the gateway of communication if your significant other won't even let you get close to their phone and have a lock on it odds are they'll throw the privacy line at you because they have something to hide.

2. Odd hours going out with friends that they normally wouldn't... since cheaters are liars they will lie to you about their whereabouts

3. Not interested in sex, kissing or any physical contact with you... odds are if they are getting it somewhere else and have that "new love syndrome" they would often not care about you and act distant.

4. Finances... if they are out and about... taking their cheating lover out to dinner, hotels etc... they are going to be spending cash and if you are on a budget like most people are well... liars are gonna lie so look for large amounts of cash that don't add up or them telling you wild stories of where the cash disappeared.

Now these are no way indicative that your significant other is cheating but they are good signs to make you question... and it doesn't cover nymphos or people impulsive sexual desires... I could write a book about those people.

[Dionysius]

Originally Posted by danraylu

Not sure how you can... I tend to stay away from cliche sayings but once a cheater always one. It would take some really life altering circumstances to be ok with this and in the end it depends on the events that took place... My brother's wife cheated on him. She seemed to change but she refused to quit her job ( a male dominated field) so she didn't change her behavior or her environment so it was bound to happen again and it did... As much as it might turn your world upside down your better off leaving him and finding someone who will respect you enough to let you know when they are not happy with you or can at least man up and say that.

A few signs of cheaters:
1. Their phone--- phones are the gateway of communication if your significant other won't even let you get close to their phone and have a lock on it odds are they'll throw the privacy line at you because they have something to hide.

2. Odd hours going out with friends that they normally wouldn't... since cheaters are liars they will lie to you about their whereabouts

3. Not interested in sex, kissing or any physical contact with you... odds are if they are getting it somewhere else and have that "new love syndrome" they would often not care about you and act distant.

4. Finances... if they are out and about... taking their cheating lover out to dinner, hotels etc... they are going to be spending cash and if you are on a budget like most people are well... liars are gonna lie so look for large amounts of cash that don't add up or them telling you wild stories of where the cash disappeared.

Now these are no way indicative that your significant other is cheating but they are good signs to make you question... and it doesn't cover nymphos or people impulsive sexual desires... I could write a book about those people.

True,danraylu, sad but true.

[Blackrock]

Sorry about your situation. If u love someone, that person will always be in your mind and heart. So, how can a person sleep with someone else unless that person is not completely devoted nor in love.

Find out the reason for cheating! So u have an idea of how to handle or mend your relationship if you still love her.

I know it's tough! Take it easy. If u feel not wanting to let go that's mean u still love her.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Happywifehappylife]

Originally Posted by Kevin1706

and let go of the anger? It's been 2 months since my wife dropped the bomb on me about her multiple one night stands. She seems to be coming to the conclusion that I can't move past this.

I'm in therapy both individually and couples. I'm trying to forgive her. My basic thought has gone from "I can't believe she cheated on me" to "She ****ing Cheated on Me!!!"

All I feel is anger.

I am in the exact same boat and it's funny my advice to you would be like this... I said I do, I committed to you through it all and you went else where to find and fill your needs... Well then it's not right you don't deserve me. But I get that staying thing.... Was it a mistake are they changing, maybe they do love me... Tough road follow your heart and make a decision when you truly know. She made a mistake and can't rush you to get passed it. Wounds take time to heal...

[fraiser]

I think that would be a deal breaker for me. Just the thought of my partner intimate with another sickens me. You have alot of character to give this another try but I wouldn't trust her as far as I could see her and saying that means no trust. And without trust what do you have. I would be as devastated as you. I can't think of anything more hurtful. I wish you the best my friend, you really deserve a better deal.

[throughthefog]

Trust takes a long time to build and mere seconds to destroy. I am currently going through something similar except I cannot quite prove it but there are so many signs and my gut tells me it's happening. I feel destroyed and empty and my concern is will I ever trust anyone again.