finally biting the bullet

So I finally got fed up with my drug addicted non communicative husband and am filing for divorce. He never even asked to work it out. He seems happier and I do too. This has been a very long time in coming and really no idea why I waited so long. Now waiting for the money to file. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers please.

Hello, bebop. You are in my thoughts.

I wish you well.

Wishing you the very best

((((Bebop))))

thanks everyone! much appreciated.

Bebop, I know this has been a long time coming. I hope things go well especially with the unforeseen issues yet to come. Hugs, my friend.

If you are waiting for the money in order to file your divorce hiring a lawyer is likely something you want to avoid. But many lawyers do give free initial consultations, would be worth a few phone calls, you would be able to ask a few questions and get some free advice on the divorce laws in your state.

Also I would be collecting all the financial information that you can, just make sure you know EVERYTHING about both your finances, you don't want any surprises down the road.

thanks Mike. in our county we can do it on our own without an attorney so today I am filing. Papers are signed and ready to go. Thankfully this is ending well. No fighting over anything. I am blessed with this.

papers were filed on Tuesday. if I had had the money and filed 2 days sooner it would have been final next month but now have to wait until October. errrrrrrrrr

Congrats, i hope this is for the best.

Getting divorced was the best favor I ever did for myself even if I fearfully waited 25 years to do it!

Glad it went so smoothly.......I know we both have been at this thinking for as long as we have known each other here......LOL....you are going to beat me getting the divorce finalized even though I moved out & moved 2100 miles away from my H 7 years ago (my how time flies when we are having fun). Finally got the IRS resolved & what I found out in the mean time pushed me to push my lawyer to get this divorce over & done with.

Glad you have this over with.....the thing is that we get to this point when we totally get fed up enough....& get pushed to the point where we know it's the right thing to do........

Good for you!!!!!!

Getting established in your own life will feel so refreshing I'm sure after all these years.

haha Deb my soon to be ex is still in the house! hahaha not sure what he is thinking but dang it lol. will be final october 22!

If he's anything like my stbxh......he's probably thinking that you are the one that's going to HAVE TO LEAVE.......will he be surprised when the judge says you get the house & He's OUTTA THERE.

That was always the issue with my stbxh in our Calif home.....he wasn't about to leave.....unfortunately at the time the house wasn't worth what the loan was & with all the debt that he created by his irresponsible financial ways.....we both would have been homeless splitting everything 50/50........

I actually gave him the home by signing the quit claim over to him when he let it go into foreclosure last year since I have my own paid for farm. They gave him a loan modification which still left me on the loan but once the divorce is final, I fax them the divorce information & then they can't come at me for the loan default I know is going to happen VERY SOON.

Some men are such a pain.......we do wonder why we wasted so much time before getting the divorce.......for me it was financial issues since 1994 ( that's 20 years even though the last 7 at least I wasn't having to live with him)....before that, I had my career to hide out in & no interesting guy had come into my life to really give me a better option & I pretty much did my own thing & had my own interests with music & other activities that he was no part of.

Only a few months ago, I started digging into researching the idea of what was wrong with him all those years & even into his childhood that my first psychologist here had suggested......first time in all these years that I have had an explanation that 100% describes every issue that I have with him including the issue I had before we got married that made me NOT want to get married in the first place. Back in 1975, no one knew that there could actually be something that would make a person never mature emotionally or responsibly that had a college degree & a high IQ.

Only good the research has done is to help me deal with my anger toward him it hasn't made me like him any more than I ever did with all the fighting he caused.......

I'm sure you will find the same relief & peace that I found in finally getting away.....but you will enjoy the extra peace of having the divorce final before I get to that point...lol.

What a celebration I'm sure you will have when this is over.

I bought the house when I got my workman's comp settlement so I am not leaving lol. no idea how I am going to make it financially though but with God's help I can do this. Today has been a rough one but only because I want it over with.

Best to you as you move through this. You are far braver than I. My hope is that I do not wait fearfully for 25 years as Jimmy Rich did. My day will come sooner than later ...

It took me 33 years to get out.....but there just comes a day when you know it's over. I felt so trapped for those 13 years, I was willing to end my life to get out.....I'm glad I wasn't successful, because I was finally able to get out....but it felt like it was never going to happen for so many years.

Whatever you do....don't let it get to that point. I was married to someone who was incapable of communicating so there was no way of resolving so many of the issues, even the divorce that I'm going through now finally.

Don't allow staying to destroy your life.

Great advice!

Many lawyers do give free initial consultations, would be worth a few phone calls, you would be able to ask a few questions and get some free advice on the divorce laws in your state.

Wish you a very best of luck!!!

How's it going Bebop?

things are really good right now. he is still here though but it is ok. he is happy like this. divorce will be final oct 22

Good for you bebop. It's just around the corner now.

((Hugs))
OE

well a huge monkey wrench has now been thrown into the mix...I need serious advise on this one. Patrick's company he retired from...not getting benefits yet...sent a letter today that now will pay me in the event of his death. Previously there were no survivor benefits. I know I need to sit and talk to him but with a roommate it is hard to find alone time with Pat. I dunno what to do. I know he wants me to be taken care of in the event of his death. What should I do? oh dear!

Actually that is part of the 50/50 split in the divorce.....you need to actually talk with your lawyer about adding that into the divorce......if you don't want it to be part of the divorce....you are still the beneficiary on the agreement in event of his death & it's important to be able to talk over the details of the divorce....it's not final.....it's still in process which means that everything still needs to be discussed....just the way it is.

I forced H to take his retirement from one of the companies he worked for because it was the only money available to pay the IRS debt he screwed up on hugely on MY inheritance money.....I told him it was 50/50 part of the split up so it was a fair way to pay that debt & he set it up so that I would get 75% on his deaty.....but I clued him in that in the divorce it's still a 50/50 split since his income is greater than mine & He ended up with everything in the house because I couldn't move much of anything 2100 miles away. Had to laugh because he said I would have any of the THINGS I wanted (like how in the world am I going to ship it across the country?).....but he stated "the my retirement isn't on the table"....I told him he needed to get a lawyer to discuss it with my lawyer because it's what is fair & I'm not going to argue with him....if that's the way he wants to deal with things than it will be up to the JUDGE to determine the fairness(this was all in writing through email).....but he still has it set up for the 75% after his death.

The only thing with the retirement money is that it takes a QDRO filed to divide that up in the divorce....not sure it a QDRO is necessary to be filed if you just bet it as a beneficiary or not.....that's something a lawyer will need to help you answer. Usually the retirememt people won't talk with you because they only will talk with the person who's retirement fund it is.

My H did things like before when I tried to file for divorce.....he would put his foot down to something & make it so miserable to deal with I would just not bother.....this time....IT"S OVER!!!!! & wrote that I wasn't going to be intimidated by him any longer like that. I can definitely see the Asperger's in him thinking & he's IMPOSSIBLE to communicate with......at least you have a STBXH who is capable of communicating & discussing things with you......my stbxh is like dealing with a child.

I shouldn't say this....but there are times when I wish he was no longer alive....it would make finally getting away from him so much easier.

I can't even get him to communicate with me regarding MY car that's sitting in his driveway needing to be scrapped.....he threw away the latest registration & lost the pink slip (argued with me for years that I had it here with me when I didn't even bring my birth certificate to start with)....I tried to get the DMV to send me a dupicate pink slip but they needed the registration....not easy to resolve from 2100 miles away but I'm not allowing him to have the money from the scrapping of the car & he can't scrap the car without my signed permission because the car was only in my name.....doing that because he's been such a impossible person to work with....I'm not giving him anything that he doesn't deserve.

It will be so wonderful when I don't have to have anything to do with him any longer.....its been like he hasn't existed the last 7 years anyway.....but no cooperation in areas where it's needed makes dealing with him total misery.

But you just need to sit down & talk....& lay out all the options & get them established in the divorce since it needs to be part of what is specified for the judge to make a ruling on.