[Lonesome Me]

Is there any thing that would make this easier. I feel I'll regret it I'm sure as I regret most of my decisions.
I'm tired and really need to do this for me. I've been providing for everyone for 25 plus years and they just take me for granted. My kids 24 and 25 are grown now. They aren't really bad just inconsiderate and disrespectful to me. I've abused my body taking care of them providing them with everything they needed. As well as for my wife of nearly 30 yrs. I feel it's been a marriage of convienance. Witholding sex and using it as a weapon. I'll have you know I've been faithful all along but have been accused of cheating on a regular basis. I come home every nite have no friends due to her insecurities. Don't drink drug nor raise my hands in anger. I'm a loner now and don't care much for other people now. And she complains about that. Honestly I'm a good man. In better shape than most people 15yrs plus younger than me. All except for my failing body that is
I could go on and on but why bother.
I just think if I don't take this chance now I'll never try
Thanks

[StokesBill28]

I can relate with your situation, I have let myself be take for granted and have compromised my own needs and desires for the sake of my wife and kids. While it would be easy for me to blame my wife, I have come to realize that I need to shoulder some blame as well. I also know that the only variable that I can control is myself, so I sought the help of a therapist and have been making some good progress.

My advice to you before you decide to leave is to look at yourself honestly and own up to your part. Seek some help from a therapist and work on yourself before you decide to leave everything you have worked for.

If you feel that your marriage is a bad situation it is best to leave it behind. You should not feel condemned to wreck yourself for the sake of someone else. The toxicity isnt good for the mindset. The constant accusations and sex as a weapon are signs that the marriage is already on its way to the end. Either yall need some good marriage counseling, or yall may consider parting ways.

[peaceseeker63]

I am in the same position, except my husband hasn't been there for me. The only way I've been able to stay in this marriage is denying me needs. We are in a sexless marriage, but not because of me! I desire intimacy very much, but he doesn't. He wont't go anywhere with me, and because he had a small business that didn't do well, I have supported us for the last few years. But it is difficult to walk away from 25 yesrs of marriage without trying to fix it. I've tried, but he doesn't seem willing. I am seeing a therapist to work through my issues and hope that it helps. I am also doing a 12 step group because I was raised in an alcoholic home. This helps alot. Take care you guys! You're not alone!

[Curry]

I am the one a husband left. He said I used words as weapons and he couldn't take it anymore. He worked two and sometimes three jobs even when we had plenty of money. He bought himself more and more things, a huge house, and said it was all for us. He always had a young girl as a close friend and then started meeting one secretly, late night dinners, and now he is in Las Vegas with her. We wanted him home, not angry, tired stressed, frustrated with us. We just wanted to sit in the garden with him. Now he goes for walks with his young girlfriend and does all those simple things. He also says he wants to buy a nice house and enjoy his life because he has worked so hard all his life. I would advise you to just try going to a movie with you kids. Buy them a beer. Do the dishes for your wife or play cards with her. Ask her for a foot rub. Make your kids a lasagna or a pie. Just let go all the old tired arguments and struggles. It is really nice to have people you have been with all your life close to you. If things just don't work then keep on being a family. Get your own place but keep working for the dream you have honored your whole life. You'll have your peace and quiet and meet wonderful new people but you are lucky to part of something. Anyway that is what I am going to do. Just love my kids, act like a mom and be civil to someone I rolled the dice with on 27 years for a dream we had.

[Lonesome Me]

Thanks everyone for the comments I'm going to try to respond to all. But since I'm on my phone it will have to be one at a time. Sorry

Originally Posted by StokesBill28

I can relate with your situation, I have let myself be take for granted and have compromised my own needs and desires for the sake of my wife and kids. While it would be easy for me to blame my wife, I have come to realize that I need to shoulder some blame as well. I also know that the only variable that I can control is myself, so I sought the help of a therapist and have been making some good progress.

My advice to you before you decide to leave is to look at yourself honestly and own up to your part. Seek some help from a therapist and work on yourself before you decide to leave everything you have worked for.

I am far from perfect nor do I pretend to be. I have always tried to do what was best for everyone else and put their needs before mine. I've been in and out of therapy for the past 20 plus yrs. And just went back last june. This time last year I gave myself a goal of labor day to leave. Well obviously that's come and went and while I push on Trying My hardest it seems to be of no use.
Thanks again for listening and responding I wish you the best

[Lonesome Me]

Peacekeeeper63. Thanks for sharing I don't feel as alone.

Curry. Over the years I have been more than considerate. I cook. clean. do dishes laundry on a regular basis. I bought flowers for no reason. But aside friendships just to make her happy attended all my kids sporting events and was Always there for all of them. I didn't have a core family growing up so I made it a point that they would have what I didnt.

Thanks

[NWgirl2013]

You sound like my husband! Are we married?

Take your chance if you think that is going to give you a better quality of life.

My 20 year H did just that and after a couple of years on his own he came back. I didn't want him to because he came back for the wrong reasons; he realized I was actually quite a catch compared to what he was finding out there...He never even acknowledged all the pain he caused and we are still on tenuous terms. Separated but in the same house. Very hard for me.

What I have learned is you can't "make" someone happy, only yourself. If you aren't happy it is your own fault. I tried to make him happy, do everything in my power to give him the life he said he dreamed of, and succeeded. But, he still wasn't happy & is never satisfied. I am the optimist, can be happy, in myself, no matter what. So I do things for me now.

Perhaps you are like me, resigned. I only crave peace now. I am my own best friend and like my own company. But I'm still sad that I married a very unhappy person.

At least you try to help yourself, my H refuses any counseling. We tried that early on and he felt "attacked" he said, because the counselor was trying to help him see things from my side. But then it later came out that my H is ADD/OCD and a Narcissist. Gosh I wish he hadn't hidden that little tidbit of info while we dated. (Yes, he hid it very well)

Best of luck to you. Hope you can "find a happy place" within.
You are definitely not alone, but sound like many of us that just soldier on...

[brittanyreg]

I am have trouble leaving, I love my h more than anything but he emotional and occasionally physical abuse it overwhelming. I seem to care more about him than he cares about himself, I wake up happy while he awaits for some reason to gossip or complain. Our sex life is decreasing by the day, and I almost have to beg for affection. The lies hurt most of all, he lies constantly and I think he doesn't even realize how much he lies......I love him deeper than what can be imagined but am so tired of the pain. I fear if I leave him I will either always be alone or will go through another long stint of years before I realize the major issues.
Don't know what to do.

[Curry]

I remember being where you are. I am so sorry. I find it peaceful now that my husband has left me. It is nice not to care when he still lies to me. I am meeting people who are kind to me which is really nice. When my ex still tries to create drama I can say, I am not doing that now. Who wants to live in a dramatic sit com. I watch those on t. v. now. However, I did stay for 27 years so I am the prize fool. I didn't know I could walk away. I stayed until I had exhausted every possibility of us working. It made me stronger now because I know I can do no more. Staying until I was ready also made me learn how to communicate with my ex even when there was nothing lest between us. I do regret that I became so alone and lonely while trying to figure out how to help such a troubled person. You are going in the right direction by asking other people for help and advice and hugs.