Missing my ex

I miss my ex-husband. We divorced 9 years ago and live a mile from eachother. We divorced for a zillion reasons, but mostly because I was undiagnosed and my mental health spiraled out of control. It hurts and I am so sorry but he judges me very harshly and ridicules me. I only miss him because we were actually genuine for a short time, and wow I miss that feeling of true love.

That is very hard ~ gentle hugs to you.

Is it actually possible that maybe you miss love more than missing your ex husband? Maybe you associate him with love because of the bond that you once shared. My wife left me two months ago and I have been so devastatingly lonely. I've had lots of time to think since she left. I was actually very lonely before she left too. My wife had a bad way of not wanting to talk over or resolve issues. Now just last night after her being gone for two months and never trying to help me in resolving the issues again, she told me that she doesn't want to be married anymore. So, I've been very sad and crying since. I will always have love for my wife even after a divorce. But I will also miss being loved. Because I have been missing that for a while, even before she left. I stopped feeling her love for me. But hopefully I will be able to find that again. Another chance to love and be loved back. I associate my wife with love because I love her so much, but I never got that degree of love back from her. So maybe you should try to find the love that you need from someone new. And, hopefully from someone with lots of love to give you:sadhug.

(((Hugs)))

hugs.....

We all have our reasons and whether we miss the partner themselves or the love they fulfilled, even briefly, it feels like being shown the world and having it taken away and it's so hard to let go of that when we didn't really want to. When we weren't ready to go off and explore on our own.

However, we must explore the deeper reasons beyond the relationship itself especially if the breakup created such an impact as to keep us occupied by it for so long.

My usual recommendations are books and youtubes which helped me, in addition to connecting with a therapist. Now, with the option for skype sessions, we have access to therapists who we can choose based on precise points in their mission statements that seem right to us.

Book: Getting Past Your Break Up by Susan Elliott who also has a Youtube Channel. Her book offers an excellent guideline for journal writing and taking inventory of your relationships as well as your life. Writing in a journal has been a great healing experience for me, even freestyle. Her exercise bring common threads to light.

https://www.youtube.com/user/GettingPastYourPast/videos

Therapist and Relationship Coach Alan Robarge offers profound insight on Attachment Theory and understanding your attachment style and possible attachment injuries and trauma. Here is a video from his brilliant Youtube Channel


If we keep doing the work and explore everything behind our pain, we have a better chance of finding true contentment within ourselves and with the RIGHT partner.

Wishing each of you the best.

Sincerely,
Lele

I really like this advice. Thank you everyone. It is so appreciated.