Advice on letting go

I really need to accept my marriage of 38 yrs is over. Unfortunately I still have contact sometimes once a week for a few minutes with our grown children present. I dont have the funds for a divorce but asked for one a month ago. Ive thought of writing a letter but Im afraid Ill break down and try to get back together. I ve read alot of articles on steps to recover from a broken heart and currently have therapy because of bipolar. He abandoned me. He has left me many times and I always take him back. This time its different. I avoid him but get upset if hes avoiding me. Before I would be chasing him now I dont. Any advice would be appreciated .

Is there anyway you can save the money for a divorce?

Will he not divorce you?

Mending a broken heart takes time. Sounds like you are starting to heal. Just stay strong. 38 years is a long time to be married, so it will take a long time to get past the pain.

Unfortunately all that Mends a broken heart is time, clinched as that is, and occasionally realisation. Sometimes a person is fortunate to wake up and realise just how miserable they were and with guacamole relief that the situation is over.

I think your attempting to stay No Contact is a good idea, very hard and takes considerable courage, but if you can stick strictly to it, you can regain some of your power.

Don't punish yourself for still caring, for still wanting him back, your feelings are still valid even if they aren't healthy.
I really hope you make it out the other side.

Accept support where you can, talk to others who have been through it. Another poster here has gone through similar, and has some great words of positivity. (See Grandessa)
I know your not there yet, but I really hope you make it.

Thanks for the advice gaylegg and erobos. I guess I just needed some support and to know someone understands.

I'm sorry your husband has left you after a marriage that has lasted this long. So he has a pattern of leaving and, then, wanting back. In the past, that seemed better to you than terminating the marriage. Would you be willing to take him back again, if he made that turn-around again? What is the reason for the contact once a week, if you can talk about that? Are the adult children there by design, as witnesses or for support, or protection? Do you feel supported by your children?

I've never been married, but I'm in a 32 year relation with my sig. other. So there's a lot I don't know, but my understanding is that dissolving a marriage can have financial aspects that need to be treated with care. I would be concerned about you not having any legal counsel. Ideally, you and your husband should each see your own attorneys. After 38 years, you may have a claim on his source of income or future pension. Be careful that you don't sign away rights that you shouldn't sign away. Not having an attorney can often be more expensive than having one. There's no need to rush into a divorce.

Right now, the worse thing is the emotional pain. If you were to write a letter, would that be to your husband? Are there things you feel a need to express to him?

With your husband having a history of leaving and returning, my guess is that he may be someone who never fully matured. I think not chasing him is a good idea. There is nothing wrong with just not doing anything for a while. I hope you have some family or friends that you can spend part of your time with. Too much time alone is not good.

What youre going through is very difficult. Its a wound that will take time to heal properly. Feel your pain but dont drown in it. Time and a lot of support will help you through this challenging period in your life. Lots of love, and activity is a good aid. Dont blame yourself, dont isolate, dont hold in emotions, dont dwell too much on the past. Look towards your future and what that will look like for you. Keep your head up and try and stay strong. Youre among others who understand your pain.

Sending good vibes your way!

I feel for you, mine is 36 years - 5 years that he was cheating.
My heart is still broken, but it's getting better.
Please be strong.