Feel Broken

I had a great 22 year marriage and 4 beautiful kids with my wife. She was my lover, my best friend, my confidant and all the places I was weak, she made me strong. I didnt need any guy friends. I loved her and my family so much I gave up fishing and hunting because I could not wait to get home.

I was attracted to her like no other. We were intimate on an average Im guessing 4 times a week. I know it was great for me and she for years always said thats not a category she has to complain about. Towards the end of our marriage we were probably intimate even more so, maybe 5 or 6 times a week. She seemed more aggressive about it and I loved it.

If we went somewhere she drove. She was the financial person and I totally trusted her with all finacial decisions. I would not buy socks without asking her first. I loved my life and you wont find a person on this earth that ever heard me complain about my wife....becasue I never complained.

My family was a dream come true. We had a nice big home. We had kids doing well and popular in school. I knew I would never ever cheat on my wife and 99% sure she would never cheat on me.

Well that 1% bit me in the butt.

We seperated for four years but I would not give up. I tolerated her boyfriends. Not out of weakness but out of strength because I thought I would win her back for me, my kids and for her sake too. She admitted to me she felt lost.

This nightmare started one day when she left for work. We had sex that morning. We kissed told each other we loved each other and that was the last time she ever came home.

Withing the next ten day I found out our life savings was gone. I found out that I had credit cards I never knew existed and that I was being sued for an AC I bought for my parents a couple years ago. My credit was in the 500s. I found out my wife had a secret Facebook account and that she had met the brother of her first husband and they were having an affair.

She left me and the kids and i had to scramble to find us a house to rent. If it hadnt been for a local rich man giving me a break, we would have lived in a dump. I was so broke and I have a good job, but I was so broke I had to borrow money one time to buy my daughter some tampons.

I treated her like my wife. She did stuff with us and we slept together even though she was on her second boyfriend now. She became more crude and said things to me like " like no one does me like you do" She started changing. We didnt drink and she started drinking... alot. She even started shaving as part of her personal hygene in private places.

Then the next boyfriend came along and he was 24 years younger than me. She told me he is different and him and I would not get along. She then stopped the sex with me. She told me she is enjoying sex now more than ever in her life. She then wanted the divorce and asked me for a favor and that was to get the divorce quietly so her fiancee wouldnt find out. She said he thinks I was divorced 5 years ago. So I did.

I feel like I have been through a war. Im broken man. My two oldest kids are sort of on their own. My two youngest live with me. I pay for 98 percent of everything while her and her husband travel across the country watching football and NASCAR and drinking it up. I live in a little home now and their home is worth two of mine. She now has two step boys, she takes care of them like she use to treat our own.

I feel like a soldier thats been to hell and back. I wish she had beaten me, I could heal from that. Im leaving out a lot of sick details, but I just feel broken and she left me 6 years ago. Not sure I know how to love anymore. Not sure I can trust any woman. I know I cant leave my kids behind for even a few hours or I would see myself like her

Im a broken man

I am truly very sorry to hear what you have been through.
I can't begin to imagine how you feel, so I won't pretend otherwise.
I will say that you will find others here who have been through similar and can understand your pain far better than I.
It sounds as though you have proved yourself stronger than most, despite the fact it may not feel that way.
It took me 6years to headroom a 10 year relationship also with 4 kids, so don't feel you need to put a time limit on this. 22 years is a long time, it's such a shame you have up your friendships and hobbies, it's at times such as these those things help us gain perspective and offer support.
I similarly have up everything for my partner, I understand now how unhealthy that was for me as a person and my ability to adapt.
Isolation can make things seem bigger and uglier and almost insurmountable.

I hope you are able to reach out, since money is an issue perhaps volunteering, and giving something back could help you meet people and perhaps build your self-esteem.

It really is one day at a time, don't try and look to far forward or it can reAlly pull you down and make things seem impossible.
Just concentrate on getting through today. Make simple plans and stick to them.
And as hard as it is try not to compare what your ex has to what you have.
Honestly, I would not worry about wether you can love or trust again. Those are things far in the future, once you have begun to heal. Once you have managed to accept the loss of the woman you thought your wife was.

Please be kind to yourself and take your time. Take care.

I hear ya. Emotional pain SUCKS. The worst it ever was for me was when I divorced my husband..30 years ago. Not sure if I ever got over it, even after he died. Then recently, I let my guard down after months of being pursued, fell BAD for a guy who is never going to be any good for me (62 going on 18!) . I had to walk away, but I hurt him and that seems to haunt me more than missing him. I know one thing, I forgot how crappy this feels.

Geeez man, this story reminds me how reality is out there. You literally had everything a person could ever want. Everything was 100% perfect, it just comes to show you that people can be so cruel to each other. Wow man, I don't even know how to even comprehend what your wife did to you. She is like the devil herself man! What made her change like that!?

Good question from SeaweedKelp. I was married for 41 years when my husband walked out. I had no idea this was coming. I was the happiest I had ever been. Now, after learning from my attorney that my former husband just spent $21,000 for plastic surgery, I think I get it. 63 is the new 40! Major life crisis. My 6 sibs say they don't know who this man is,nor do I. I realized very early that I couldn't wrap my head around this and have been successful in not trying. My 2 adult children do not communicate with him, and that is their perogative.

Nothing had ever been that painful. I completely lost it: drinking and passing out. I went to a grief and loss workshop at the Meadows, and it was very helpful. The divorce is almost final, after 8 months, and I am so ready to move on. I don't know who this person is, talking as we always did about the importance or commitment and integrity. Gone with the wind.

Hoping you fare well,

Grandessa