What to do

I will take any advice at this point. I am trying to figure out what to do and where to go from here. I have to go back to see a T but I am finding every excuse in the book to not go. And yet, I totally found something that was totally logical...and not an excuse. I found a reason that was valid. What to do? Why should I go, what are the pros if they are going to only bring me down? People can only go through change if they have people to support them, what if I am out of the support that I need where I am at?

Use your T as suppport really that's my only support.

Get to know other aspects of yourself beside what is "wrong" with you; not everything is bad/wrong with you, there are good parts too (honesty, willingness to try/persistence, logical, etc.) and support yourself when you perceive hard times in therapy. But the therapist is not there to bring you down but to support you when it gets difficult. Think of therapy in different ways (like a school course, for example, with difficult concepts/studying/tests).

And one can use other people/friends even though it's not therapy related; if you have a friend who has a good sense of humor, when things get scary or down, go hang out with that friend and laugh a little, etc. If you feel alone, go watch events that are similar to those you like to participate in yourself and feel one of the crowd, understanding the event better than others who have no connection to it? There are lots of ways to garner support and, nothing will happen in therapy all at once, you can build up to things and get support in place as you work, understanding even better what you will need because you will be participating in it at the time.

One chews and swallows one small mouthful at a time, not whole meals

well said Perna~~ my teacher said to look at food as medicine for the body, and eat what is required without concern for it's other attributes... (how much you like or dislike it ) ... in the end, we are our own best supports.. it's our determination that leads to change, no one else's... best wishes for your success in finding what you need, hrdcore... Gus

This is NOT a true statement.......it's easier to go through change when we have support, but it's not impossible to change without support.

What is true is that we can not change unless WE, OURSELVES are determined to make the changes. Without our own determination to succeed at anything we end up failing. Without determination, there is no internal drive to make anything happen. It's definitely nice to be surrounded by good support, but if it doesn't exist, it's honestly a very good feeling to achieve a goal in spite of what's around us.....then we know it's because we wanted to succeed & that's a really good feeling.

When we depend too much on others for support we can actually suck the life out of them.....best way to make enemies out of friends is to be too dependent on them for support......definitely best to hold onto the determination ourselves & find the drive internally within us to succeed even when dealing with an ED.

I can relate to your feelings about having to go back to a T. I just got pushed into that same corner and am feeling a litte resentful. I've spent so many years building this great wall up around myself and my feelings, thinking that this is what is keeping me "safe" from being hurt. However in reality/logically, this is whats actually is keeping me sick. I so often feel so alone in this process. People say they support me but it always feels like criticizm instead. You're so right ...where do we go from here??