I need help. I am so confused and angry!

Ok, so if u have seen any of my other posts you'll see some people say I do have "disordered thinking" when it comes to food but.. Well Ive been going strong for the past month or so. I have been eating regularly and not counting calories (if I EVER do I always try to see how low I can go in one day). And well... Lately I'm really feeling it. When I feel full (I'm not bulimic as in I've never thrown up my food) I feel like I need to just get rid of it or that I'm out of control an have no discipline.. I feel like if I dot count calories then I don't know how much I'm really eating which means I'm overeating. I sometimes wish I could just throw up but I would never go that far. I don't think I have an ED because that's just too extreme for me.. But.. I think I'm struggling with related issues. It's been 6 months since I dfirst decided not to eat for a day and nothing has ever been the same. I want to go back to not eating spoof badly but I know I had a lady keeping me accountable and I just dint want tO disappoint her. Gahhhh! I've maintained my weight the past month which isn't good because I am Overweight . I just want to lose weight and keep it off. I just want to stop feeling so angry at myself for eating. I hate that I am so undisciplined.

Just wanted to say that I'm hearing you. Why is it so hard to return to "normal" habits where you aren't constantly thinking about/regretting/overanalyzing or obsessing about everything that goes into your body? The stress of trying to maintain even a small weight loss from the last year has sent me over the edge. I'm a senior in college (it's almost finals week) and right now I'm trapped in daily cycles of binge eating, running an absurd amount to try and counter it, and feeling guilty that I don't have another way to control my stress. I'm rapidly gaining weight back that I have kept off for 6 months to a year, and it scares me. I just want to return to a healthy place where I'm not completely consumed with either eating way more than I should, or trying to eat perfectly and carefully.

I've been trapped in sn Ed for 31 years and can't explain to you a mire miserable life path to be stuck in. I've tried everything to loose wt and been hospitalized near death countless tines and in treatment also near death 7 times. This if anything if you are young us something you want to try and get yourself out of asap and stop the diet trials and being so hard an yourself . Learn now to cut yourself some slack I wish I had years ago when I had a breif holding pattern of normallacy. Don't let yourself fall back because it is harder and harder each time you slip into tho abyss of this disease. Please vest of luck!