[Eva1nder]

I'm not officially diagnosed with an eating disorder, but it's a problem that definately comes up often enough that it seems to be.

Also, I think that I go back and forth thinking maybe I don't.

I have lost a lot of weight. I go through periods of times where I won't eat because I'm angry or because I'm very down ...or just cuz I need control.

I was MANY different sizes for many different reasons, but I'm now down to a size 6 it seems. Well every store I go in I am in that size, but I keep thinking that the stores are cutting their clothes bigger.

Anyways, point being I struggle with this and it only adds to not having any concept of me or my size, which that is difficult for me.

I feel like a stranger etc. This only makes it worse.

Anyways, here is the real question.

I needed to go to florida to visit with my mom and she was telling me friends of her's have been questioning her because I'm too thin to them and lost a lot of weight quickly.

She got defensive and said " I see her eat ..she doesn't have a problem" ...She was irritated about whatever else was said.

Anyways...since before I left for florida I was having serious agitation problems and depression I did not want to run into any problems down in florida. Not to mention I needed to visit w/my grandmother who is hospice.

So I took steps to try to eat. Did I eat as much as a typical person? ... No the quantity is less, but my mom would make constant comments like " I eat much less then you"

"you eat way more then I do"

"I didn't even eat breakfast this morning" which by the way she did ...she forgets that she did, but i don't bring it up because I just want to get away from these comments.

If she went to bed and I had a snack ..like pudding ...she'll be like "did you get up and having dessert last night"?

"i barely ever eat sweets or chocolate"

This goes on and on.

Then she would constantly look at me funny...with what I wore and would make comments.

I wore a sundress cuz we were having company over for dinner.

She was like " Uh ...why are you getting so "fixed up" ...don't you think it's a bit much for staying in and is the top of that supposed to be like that"??? (referring to my chest.

mind you this was just a plain knit dress.

I walked away...and my dad saw me and said "oh you look nice" ... I'm like "are you making fun of me"!

He's like "uh no...not at all" ..and just kinda laughed me off.

My sister also said I looked nice with out me ever saying anything.

I ended up changing because I started to feel so uncomfortable.

I don't understand why she was being like this with me. It's like she watched everything I ate and made comments.

I talked to my therapist about this and she said this is abusive behavior from my mom. I said I don't think she even knows she's doing it. The therapist said it doesn't matter because my mom knows I'm not well and she continues with his kind of behavior.

I've come home and it's brought up all these memories of things with her ...and the way my dad would make comments.

He won't make any comments now...because he's concerned and will only encourage me to eat.

In my past when I was growing up or when I was "heavy" ...He'd say " do you really need that" ...things like that.

I said "well he didn't make me feel bad about what I was eating at all ..and just encourages me"

When I said it...it seems to messed up.

Now that I'm home I'm just trying not to fall backwards.

[January]

(((((((((( Eva )))))))))))

I'm so sorry you had to endure that. Your mother's behavior was abusive. No doubt about it. It sounds like your Dad finally got some sense, but not your mom.

You are an absolutely wonderful, beautiful person. Please don't let your Mom's behavior knock you off track. I'm here for you anytime. You know you can PM if you wish.

Love and hugs,

Jan

[Eva1nder]

((((((((( Jan )))))))))

Ty ... yah you're probably right that my dad realizes.

I've missed you ...and I hope you're well.

Maybe when you have some time we can chat.


Luv yah

[bebop]

Eva when I first started gaining my weight my mom would say stuff all the time. I think she had an ed trying to stay thin like I was when I was young. I don't know for sure but I would sure guess it and she was very verbally abusive to me. You are not alone hon!

[(JD)]

ah parents! They mean well, usually, just don't know how to convey it. With some children, no matter what a parent says or how they say it, it's the wrong thing. Try and decide what type of comments you really want from her, and write her and tell her. THEN if she "messes with your head" you'll know she 1)can't learn 2) is too messed up herself to help you. TC!

[Eva1nder]

Thanks be and sky for your input ...and yes I think the problem is she has her own issues with eating as well.

She has put on weight and isn't happy with herself at the moment.

It's just at this time in my life I can't handle her issues...well actually I can't handle those kinds period.

I think she should know better ..and in fact I think she does, and that's where she crosses the line.

I guess it's good I can vent here and maybe I should just tune her out.

My mom is not one you can reason too easily with. She doesn't ever see herself as being "wrong" or doing anything that isn't right ... lol i guess she's in a win win for herself... huh

Thanks tho for your help. ..I appreciate you listening and writing me back.

[xnocturnalxsilencex]

sometimes parents have a hard time understanding what their child is going through, or sometimes, just dont want to understand. my mother is kind of like that, making mindless remarks and think it has no effects on me when it really does. try telling your mom how you feel one day, which i know is hard, because i've done it before. see if it helps.

[January]

(((((((((( Eva ))))))))

Just tell me when and if we need to, we can make an appt to meet each other. I'm here for you.

Love you, too!

Hugs,

Jan

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((Eva)))))))))))))))))

stick close to your t right now.

i'm sorry that your mother is acting out. it sounds to me that it's all a reflection of her (my mom is that way) and she's acting out. the cause really doesn't matter when it hurts so much. i'm sorry it does. not fair.

love,

kd

[Eva1nder]

Hi Nicole

I saw what you said with the Doc about your mom. What she says to you is also painful and I'm sorry you have to go through that.

I think my mom's issues get in the way is the problem.

I appreciate you taking the time to listen and take the time to help me.

[Eva1nder]

((((((( Jan ))))))))

ok ...that would be really great ...I'd like that.

[Eva1nder]

((((((( kimmy ))))))))

Yes...my t is very good...and you're right it's more her problem, but it doesn't matter why it does hurt and i just need to get away from that.

ty for understanding