Stopped it

Hi people.
It's Sezzie. Hope you are all doing as best you can!
Yes- the subject i posted is called 'Stopped it'. i did stop da purging. i haven't purged in 10 days. Woo hoo me! I purged today though- feel stink about that- but at least i gave myself 10 days off and allowed my body to recover a bit. I'm feeling so depressed and so that's why i did the purging today.
What made me stop over those 10 days was that i wrote down all the pros and cons of the behaviour and found the things that i wanted more than the actual result of the purging- i wanted a life where i was not following being driven by compulsion. I also wanted to get the hell out of therapy. I didn't want to have to feel like such a crazy cow all the time and i wanted to feel that i had a life that could take me somewhere. I mean all of this stuff does work- and did work for me- but i sorta kinda feel too depressed and that i don't have a future right now- so i kind of figure what's the point? Those things do work though i think- if you just find something that you want way more than the results of the behaviour- then you'll have a good chance of stopping! It could be something really dramatic. I'm sorry i can't really continue with writing anymore- I'm just way too depressed!!!!!!
-Sezzie-

congratulations for 10 days without purging
thats really good, and as you said, gives your body a much needed break.
try not to beat yourself up about purging tho.. its a long road to recovery, and your trying, so thats already an incredible start.
~Mel

HURRAY for the 10 days that YOU did so well with.......


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I am new to the site, but I just wanted to let you know that 10 days is wonderful. I have 4 days today and am feeling a bit discouraged by the lack of support I am getting at home, but what comes to mind is that none of us are perfect and we will slip from time to time. Allow yourself to make mistakes and remember to love yourself.

Thanks guys.
I'm sort of back on track a bit better now. I've just been really scared over the last few days about whether i'll ever get to live the life that i want to live. I am just a super-perfectionist!!! It's more to do with other things in life than with my body. I use the bulimia as more of something to hide behind, but it just means that i have other things to get over. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to get over extreme perfectionism- it's just so paralysing!!! I think that i am lucky in some way because the bulimia (for me) is a relatively new problem that i've come across- so i'm trying to nip it in the bud really. I'm just so scared about my friggon diagnoses- i feel that the people got it wrong- because i wasn't able to communicate with them what my problem truly is really and they've taken a whole wrong approach to it i feel. I find it so hard that they continue to disregard what i'm saying to them now. ugh. It's just so hard. I feel like i'm never gona live a productive life- one where i'm not continually living on my parents couch!!
-Sezzie-

Every HEALING spot has a starting point.... and YOU my Friend have found that exact spot as to heal.... hang in there!


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Hey thank-you for your positive words!
It all means heaps. I hope we all get to the point we all need to be in life to be living in our own ways as we define as successful. The way i'm trying to view all of these struggles that are upon me is to view it in the light that if we as humans didn't have struggles and things we needed to strive for then life wouldn't really have a purpose. I'm not saying that it's ok for myself to allow myself to stay in this state of struggle and f**ked-uppedness, I'm just saying that it's ok that i'm experiencing it and hopefully if i come out of the end of the black tunnel i will have so much more to offer people! I'm not using it as a rationalisation for me to stay at the black but it's a reference point from where i can move on from (with any luck and hard work!)
Cheers All

Love from Sezzie