Stopped

Hi,

I just wanted to say I stopped the relationship with the psychologist. I tried another time to talk with him about the problems and my feelings. He says it is better to work on thinking, and not talk about feelings. He is also angry with me because I can't afford certain aspects of medical care and medications, and says I am making "bad decisions" because I don't have enough money. This keeps coming up over and over. I keep feeling more and more like a bad person and this is hopeless. I don't want to keep going to therapy and feeling worse about myself every time, and going down and down and down into the pit with every visit. He knows things in therapy are scary/unsafe for me, in and out of session, and is very firm on wanting to continue his work in the same manner. I think I am the wrong person for this kind of therapy style. Maybe it is a good match for somebody else.

I feel extremely discouraged and low. It seems pretty hopeless here. I don't have any other ideas at the moment. Maybe it will be better later to have stopped and not be sort of exacerbating things further with this sort of situation. He didn't seem to have any thoughts one way or another about stopping the therapy relationship, or any referrals, or anything. He said he might have a response later, or he might not.

Thanks for listening.

Take care,
ErinBear

Hi Erin, I don't know the whole story with this therapist but I say find someone you are more comfortable with.

Someone you respect and respects you. Then in time, you'll see some benefit. He sounds like a real PITA!

Just figured out what a PITA is.... :-) I have one of those too.

Sorry Erin. Find someone else who will work with you at a rate you feel you can as you can. What a bother.

<giggle> After I typed it I was wondering if anyone would know what I meant...

Good for me to cypher a bit this morning....

Hi Erin,

So sorry to hear about your bad experience. Definitely sounds to me like a different therapist would be better for you. I hope you can find someone soon!

Best of luck...
Sidony

It will all work out somehow, Erin.

I'm rooting for you!

Wow, Erin, your T sounds like a disaster! Just not healing at all. Do you know what his therapeutic approach is called? Maybe that is a good starting point for when you look for a new T, avoiding someone from his school of thought. That can help narrow it down at the outset. In my opinion, any referrals he might offer you would be suspect.

Hang in there. Dumping this T is a step toward your healing.

sunny

Dear Almeda24fan,

Thanks so much for your note. Yes, I think it would be better to talk with somebody with whom I feel more comfortable. That would make much better sense. At least for me, it's hard to talk - period - with someone I feel this uncomfortable with.

Thanks, Almeda24fan.

Take care,
ErinBear

Dear SecretGarden,

Thanks for your kind note, and the support. I really appreciate it!

And I'm sorry you have a person in your life (hopefully not a T) who is a bothersome sort of person. :-( Sending you wishes for things to get better.

Take care,
ErinBear

Dear Sidony,

Thank you for the support, and the encouragement. Yes, I think it is the right choice to stop working with this T. Thanks for listening....hopefully after a few days or week or so, I'll get more excited about looking for another T. I think right now I'm still recovering from this other working relationship stopping. It sure is a hard thing.

Thanks to you and everyone else here for listening.

Take care,
ErinBear

Thank you, Petunia. I hope things will work out and get better somehow.

I'm glad you're rooting for me. Since you're a wonderful flower, you're particularly well-qualified to be "rooting" for me! LOL!

Thanks, Petunia.

Hugs,
ErinBear

Dear Sunrise,

Thanks for your message - I appreciate it. I think the T was mostly believing in CBT ideas, but I'm not sure if he uses other ideas too. It seems like some Ts out there use a blend of concepts. It may be that his approach works well in other cases....he seems to have a reasonably full schedule. I just think I might not be a good fit for it.

Anyway, yes, after I've had a bit of time to adjust, maybe I'll think about looking for another counselor or T again. Today's not the day anyway. sigh.

I was working with a counselor last year and we had such an excellent working relationship. I think he had a blend of working concepts, but mostly a psychodynamic approach. I think I did better in that sort of format. He moved away - I still miss that working relationship. It was going really well.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Take care,
ErinBear

well-qualified to be "rooting" for me! LOL!

Good one Ebear!

(((((((((Erin))))))))))

By all means, get a new T if that's what you want. Use the time now to write down those qualities in this T that you felt got in the way of your healing. Then you will have a starting point when you begin the process of finding a new T. Good luck.

Sounds to me like he might be a Rational Emotive Therapist...... and a bad one. Sorry you had to go through that crap ((((((((((((( ErinBear ))))))))))))))

Dear Petunia



Hugs,
ErinBear

((((((Sister)))))) Thank you, yes, I'm contemplating whether I will find another therapist or not. I think I need at least a little time to, well, recuperate? At least a week or so to give myself a break before I start making those sorts of decisions.

Yes, I know what sorts of things I would like in a therapist, as I had one in the past with whom I had a really good working relationship. I think if I could find a working relationship more similar to that again, or someone who had more similar concepts, that might be a better idea. :-) And this was a good reminder of some of the things that didn't work out so well.

Thanks for the support.

Take care,
ErinBear

Thanks Fuzzybear. (((((Fuzzybear))))) hugs if okay. You say on your note that you are hibernating. That sounds pretty good. Maybe I should hibernate too.

Thanks for the support Fuzzybear.

Take care,
ErinBear

A therapist who says it's better to work on thinking and not talk about feelings....hm...he seems to be in some sort of feeling-denial himself....I'd refer him to a shrink myself

Erinbear, I think you are practicing good self-care in that you are terminating treatment with this therapist and looking for one who can really 'hear' you.

A few months ago I was seeing a t who to the best of my knowledge was well-versed in psychodynamic theory and she even said she'd be willing to work with me psychodynamically. Well, after a few sessions I said to her that although she has agreed to 'do' psychodynamic therapy with me I cannot help but notice her heavy use of cognitive-behavioral techniques. She agreed that she had thought she could provide the psychodynamic therapy but that yes indeed cbt is her preferred model of treatment and it is quite obvious that cbt rules in our sessions. I told her nice good-bye and we parted ways. BTW I am now working with a t who is very obviously doing psychodynamic work with me.

Take gentle care,

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ErinBear said:
Dear Sunrise,

Thanks for your message - I appreciate it. I think the T was mostly believing in CBT ideas, but I'm not sure if he uses other ideas too. It seems like some Ts out there use a blend of concepts.

I was working with a counselor last year and we had such an excellent working relationship. I think he had a blend of working concepts, but mostly a psychodynamic approach. I think I did better in that sort of format.
Take care,
ErinBear

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First, I am so sorry that this relationship did not work out for you.

It's true that most Ts these days are quite eclectic in their approaches to working with clients. However, there are some that are pretty rooted in whatever school of thought they have chosen to identify themselves with. And that's not a bad thing at all-- it's just that as a client, you want to make sure that you end up working with someone whose technique matches your personality. For example, my T is strictly psychoanalysis.... with object relations as well. You couldn't do anything to make this guy do one cognitive or behavioral thing. That is absolutely wonderful for me since I am completely psychodynamic in my approach to therapy as well. However, it's not going to work with everyone. If you have already identified yourself as someone who works well with psychodynamic approaches, then you should definitely go ahead and look for a T that will work with you in that way. It's great that you know what you will respond to. And it's not always a bad thing when something doesn't work out, even if it feels bad-- at least you know now what doesn't work, you know? My first T was eclectic, used some psychodynamics, definitely threw in some cognitive stuff as well-- didn't work for me. But had I not gone with her, I wouldn't have really known.

Good luck in finding a new T. Don't be afraid to 'screen' them by asking what techniques they use.

BTW: T's that are strictly cognitive really aren't too interested in spending time on feelings. They believe that our thoughts are responsible for our feelings, but they don't really go any further than that-- they want to work on changing the thoughts so that you don't feel bad-- this is not a bad thing; it's cognitive therapy. I just wanted to add that because I didn't want people to get the wrong idea just because your T said time should be spent talking about thoughts, not feelings.

Hi ErinBear,

don't usually come to this particular forum as I feel a bit of a failure at therapy...... my very first therapist moved thousands of miles away after I'd just begun to open up a bit to her, and then I've quit the other two I've had.

I wanted to say how very sorry I am for things not working right for you in your therapy. You are so sweet and truly deserve a kind, compassionate and understanding therapist.

This therapist you had sounds a bit like the one I just left behind..... he didn't want me to talk about "feelings" but to concentrate on my thinking. And knew what buttons to push and pushed them to the point where I never felt like being there was ever safe.

I hope you can work through this and not feel so low. My heart is with you.

mandy

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mandyfins said:
This therapist you had sounds a bit like the one I just left behind..... he didn't want me to talk about "feelings" but to concentrate on my thinking. And knew what buttons to push and pushed them to the point where I never felt like being there was ever safe.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Oh, man, I hate to read stuff like this. (((mandyfins))) I just wish we all had the perfect therapist for us. mandyfins, you are welcome in this forum anytime, even if your therapy has been less than ideal! We can all learn from each other.

You are very sweet-- sunrise, thank you.

though it's hard to read here about others feeling so "bonded" (if that's OK to say..) to their therapists, when I am terrified of such a feeling..... in my life when I lean on someone that's when they take their jabs at me.

I think it's so wonderful that so many here feel a kind of "connection" with their Ts. I tried.... but it's just not safe for me.

** Erinbear-- if you're reading, I hope you are OK, I'm thinking of you and I can relate to your experience.
Please be kind to yourself-- you deserve extra kindness and compassion.

mandy

I know how you feel Mandy (and I wish I didn't, I wouldn't wish that on anyone ............)

((((((((((((( ErinBear ))))))))))))))