Want to lose wt before next weigh-in

I had a weigh-in with my PCP this morning and I lost wt since I saw her a month ago. Even though she wasn't happy with me, I was SO excited that I lost weight. And this is irrational, but part of me wants to lose more wt before my next weigh-in. I was against being weighed for the longest time because I tend to get into this cycle - if I lose, I feel the need to lose more for the next apt. But my therapist really pushed me to see my PCP for weigh-ins because I haven't been doing too well eating-wise.

I know part of my desire to lose wt before my next weigh-in is my fear that my PCP will think everything is fine if I gain wt (like she wants me to). Ugh, I hate having this constant battle in my head - I hate being so ambivalent about giving up the ED.

You really need to tell then that weigh-ins are a big trigger. Unless you are needing to be hospitalized they really are a waste and defeat the purpose of people trying to help you. I told my PCP that coming in every few weeks to be weighed would only trigger me to try and lose. He understood and I said if I felt like I was running into trouble I would come in.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is triggered by weigh-ins! I'm glad you told your PCP and that he was understanding. I'm going to talk to my T about it when I see her. Thanks for your reply - it helps to know that I'm not alone and that someone is listening

I totally get it! T's and Drs think it will help to have someone "check in" with and hold you accountable but they don't understand how that can become part of the mental game we play. I know when I was letting my dr do weigh-ins I became obsessed with not gaining and would plan it out to the exact clothes I would wear when I would go in- I knew logically that it was defeating the point of going in and I just had to put the brakes on it. Even now, when I think about going in to my dr. for something completely unrelated to the eating disorder I am acutely aware of where my weight was last time I went in, and feel like I have to lose more before I can return. I have made the decision to just refuse to be weighed-should I need to go back for something like strep throat or whatever.

If your dr wants to monitor your weight to make sure you don't get too low, there is the option of being weighed blind. You step on the scale backwards and then have them not tell you what your weight is. This is how all of my drs are and my dietician. My dietician is who monitors my weight and I see her every 2 weeks. All of my drs know that I am anorexic and know that my knowing how much I weigh is a huge trigger for me. Eventhough I really, really want to know how much I weigh right now, I have to stand firm and not listen to ED telling me to find out. It is really hard, but if your dr is understanding they will not tell you your weight, you just have to ask them not too.

EXACTLY! I'm so glad you were able to talk to them about it. I'm going to try to talk to my T the next time I see her.

Thanks so much for your reply! I used to get blind weight-checks, but I actually weigh myself at home (I know, BAD idea). So I know how much I Weigh, and I get super upset when I gain, but somehow to me, it's worse when my treatment providers also know that I've gained. I know that's what they want for me, but I feel like they're judging me

i sympathize with you about being weighed. my new g.p understands
that i flatly do not want to be weighed, blind, or otherwise. i used to
use my psychiatrist's scale on occasion. i've stopped seeing him, howevor. now, i'm just going by how my clothes fit, and how i look.

I'm glad your g.p. understands! I really hope mine does too! I'm really glad you're able to do by how your clothes fit instead of being a slave to the scale - I really hope I can get there too!

Please let us know what your gp/pcp says when you talk to him/her about the weigh-in thing...

I just saw my T this morning and she was actually really understanding about my concerns. She told me to talk to my pcp (I see her on Friday), but she also warned me that my pcp might still insist on weighing me bc they seem to think that my weight is "unsafe". I disagree but I guess that's beside the point. Either way, I'll talk to my pcp - hopefully she'll understand that it's so triggering so it's more harmful than helpful. She works with a lot of people with EDs so hopefully she'll get it.
Thanks for caring and checking in!