[sadplant]

Hello! I don't know if I should add a trigger warning to this?

I used to suffer with Anorexia for a while and two years ago I guess I managed to achieve full recovery, physically and mentally. By mentally, I mean I'm able to resist and control my disordered thoughts even though they're still there. I've learned to cope with it.

But even though I've recovered, I found some remnants of the disorder stuck with me. I'm still extremely preoccupied with food. I have to know what my family members are eating at all times and get extremely frustrated when (according to my mind) they're not eating enough at the time. It's not like they're restricting or anything, they could be doing that because they're still really full from eating a big breakfast, and I know that, my rational mind knows that, but I'm still unable to control my frustration during situations like that. My family's learned to ignore me whenever I have these sudden outbursts, which I'm glad they are, to be honest. I don't want them to think that I'm intentionally hurting their feelings or anything. I just can't help it.


Also, whenever I'm watching the television with my family and if someone in the show we're watching at the time is eating, I tend to feel extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes I close my ears until the scene is over. I just can't stand it.

Further more, I think about food all the time. Every minute of the day. During breakfast, I'm already thinking about lunch and dinner. I used to be that way when I was restricting, and I thought I was like that because my body was starving. But I doubt my body's starving now, so I'm really confused and overall, it's extremely draining. Anyone else (who's sort of completely recovered) going through this as well?

[HealingTimes]

Hi sadplant.

Please don't take offence at this question, but are you sure that you are actually fully recovered? I am not doubting your recovery AT ALL, but i am just wondering if you did the weight restoration part (if you needed to), and presumed that because of that you were recovered?

It sounds like you'd benefit from some therapy to get to the root of this preoccupation with food.

[sadplant]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

Hi sadplant.

Please don't take offence at this question, but are you sure that you are actually fully recovered? I am not doubting your recovery AT ALL, but i am just wondering if you did the weight restoration part (if you needed to), and presumed that because of that you were recovered?

It sounds like you'd benefit from some therapy to get to the root of this preoccupation with food.

Hello, HealingTimes! No, no offense taken. Actually I'm not too sure what full recovery is - I heard that it's the ability to cope with the disorder, but perhaps I was misinformed.

I'm able to eat what I want and I'm definitely physically healthy. But that's all my doctor cared about, honestly. She told me that if I'm able to cope, that's all that matters. I doubt she knows what she's talking about though. I'm really easily triggered and I can't exercise at all.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by sadplant

She told me that if I'm able to cope, that's all that matters.

Total BS on her part. You deserve more than this. Sounds like you've taken care of the physical side, which is great, but the emotional side is still troubling you.

It sounds like it could help to address the emotional side of things. Did you ever actually address the reasons why you developed the ED in the first place? Because EDs can be symptoms.

You deserve more than just being "able to cope". That sounds like a band aid, and it's a start, but it's not full healing. I'm absolutely NOT playing down your achievements in recovering when I say that, let me be clear about that!

[HealingTimes]

I agree with Tiny.
The fact that you are able to eat whatever you want is great. It sounds like physically you are back on track, and most importantly, healthy. Wonderful!

However, your doctor is totally wrong in regards to 'as long as you can cope'. Who wants to go through life 'just coping'! Sorry that you had this reaction from your doctor.

I really urge you to get therapy if you can, to deal with the emotional side of things.
As you probably know, EDs are not really about food. They are about having a coping mechanism for something, or a distraction from hurtful things.

[sadplant]

Thank you for your responses! I'll try my best to find a doctor who specializes in eating disorders (though I highly doubt I'll succeed in finding one. There aren't many good therapists in this country in the first place).

So would that mean that everything I mentioned in my original post is caused by my eating disorder?

Oh and tinyrabbit, I know you don't mean it that way! Don't worry. And thank you so much! Both of you. <3