Thinking about what to do

All I can think to do about telling my T-guy is to write him a letter and drop it off at the office or send it by fax. I know he would rather I give him letters in person, but if I wait to do that, it will never happen. At most * if * I would, it would happen at the tail end of the appointment as we are walking out--kind of like, "oh, by the way, here's a letter" and then goodbye. I don't know what else to do. I may still call, I just don't know. For now, I think I'll work on a letter to him and see what happens. He doesn't work until Tuesday, so I have a couple days yet. I'm doing okay, a little anxious feeling. One of those thoughts popped into my head a while ago, but I don't have that overwhelming urge to do anything at the moment. It's like the devil talking to me, giving me these thoughts, telling me to do these things and lead me on. The thoughts are still there and of course I worry about it. I worry about what my T will say about it. One thing I'll maybe add to the note is for him to please not mention and ask for specific details. I don't know if that's even possible, but going into everything like that is going to make me much more uncomfortable and anxious. If I tell him that I start thinking about losing weight or not eating after I have appointments, maybe that will be enough to convince him to go slow with this. It would be easier for me to talk about in the future when all is passed.

Writing letters is what works for me when there is something I can't quite bring myself to talk about. Quite often I would go home after a session and write what I was trying to say the whole time and couldn't. My T gave me his e-mail address and that helped me a lot.

You need to tell him what's going on, and whatever way will give you the ability to do that is good. Maybe he'll call you, but at the least you will be able to talk about it at your next appointment. Don't wait to give it to him. Let us know when you have the letter written and delivered, okay?

<font color=orange>"Everyone has a need for significance; and if we can't make that possible, or even probable, in our society, then it will be obtained in destructive ways." -Rollo May</font color=orange>

Well, I've started a note to him. It's about one full page typed right now. I've also been reading some on ED's and I'm getting more scared to tell him. I think he's leading more to different things now anyways since I told him that I haven't really been taking my regular meds and trying to go without, plus that I tend to develop a tolerance to things I'm taking after a while. I'm not on any psych meds (yet). I've also mentioned that when I have pain (I have chronic medical problems) that I will do whatever it takes to help ease the pain on really bad days, including if it means taking one or two extra OTC meds at a time in addition to my regular prescription for pain. I know enough to not totally over do it and if a particular med just can not be taken with another, so I might take things to the extreme, but I don't get stupid about it. Well, so much for the getting stupid after this weekend. Well, mildly stupid. More irresponsible and obsessive/compulsive? There is alot of fear in telling. I know that I'll go over this letter to my T a thousand times, editing and revising continuously. I may end up with enough to let him know that something happened regarding my eating and such and to please not ask about it. It's hard figuring out what to do with this.

If letter writing works for you - sounds like the perfect thing to do. Drop it off tomorrow when you finish it, and he'll get it on Tuesday. That way you can't procrastinate too long on bringing it over. Write it, re-read it, fix it, seal it, get it car.

When I go to my T, I always bring a list of stuff I want to talk about. If something is just too hard to bring up, I circle it, and hand him the page. He reads it, hands it back, and we start talking. That helps jump starts the tough conversations for me. We all use our little tools to get through the tough stuff. If we didn't need help we wouldn't be in therapy! You are doing great. You are posting your issues, you are still out there posting to others, you are really a special person. Helping others when you are in the middle of your own stuff.

Way to go!

Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama