Very confused....advice needed

So...I'm new here.

I think I may have an eating disorder but I'm not sure. For the last 3 months Ive been eating loads of food and then making myself sick... And i dont nessarily have to eat loads of food, just a couple of biscuits is enough.

I'm worried though, because making myself sick is getting far too easy and I'm worried. I have a lot on my plate right now, exams, resits...Im finding it all a bit hard. Ive also been self harming for the last 7 years and im trying to stop, so, could this be an eating disorder and could i be replacing self harm with it?

(((hugs))) you will find that you are never alone here..... Do you have a therapist or a counselor at your school you could talk to - you don't mention whether it is college or not... sooo... I' m a little concerned...

For me, I did the reverse, I replaced the eating disorder with the SI for a while...neither a good option!!!
It sounds like that maybe you are using the food to relieve the stress??
When my stress gets out of control - that is what I do...it is what I've always done... it is what my particuliar "trigger" is...
The "trigger" is different for everyone...

But if this is the "beginning", seeking professional help
right away would help alot...

((((huggs))) freewill

Yes, as freewill said, you are never alone here. We understand where you are coming from and are always here to offer assistance and support. A negative self-image constitutes both SI and eating disorders and thus one could easily transition to/be replaced by the other. Even if you have only the vaguest suspicion that something might be "wrong", i suggest you talk to a professional to prevent worsening conditions if nothing else.

(((ll_h)))

Please, I would advise seeing a counselor. Print off some of these online tests and give it to them if you don't feel comfortable verbalizing it.
After your body gets so comfortable with purging, before you know it your body won't hold ANYTHING down and you'll find yourself puking without your control.

I believe purging as another form of self-injury, but that's just my opinion. You're purging to replace wounds.

Keep coming back to Psych Central! You'll find LOTS of encouragement here and many people willing to chat with you when you need a distraction.

Id like to point out now that for my s/h, i would not/never get help for it. Because I believe that since it's osmething i control and understand so well, that I control it and now HAVE control over it, rather than it having control over me...

This eating thing is different. I made myself sick 3 times today, and then after the 3rd time I got terrible chest cramps and nearly fainted. I panicked and told my friend whom i tell everything to that I wasn't feeling well and Id spewed, on several occasions. I had been drinking, but the 3rd time was to get rid of the drink. ANd i dunno...It scared me alot. I have had that kind of pain before but maybe it was a panic attack or something? Advice is needed as to what it may be, i know that no one can say "Oh yeah you had this and it means that so do this!!!"

I still dont believe that there's anything wrong with me and i still believe i have full control. Because im slightly vergint towards bulimia, i'm kinda thinking "great, its the one that no one else can see therefore no one can believe me." Because with self harm, they;re just cuts and scars. No one really believes how upset i am. I think i must be an amazing actress, or hide behind "Teenage bad moods" because no one has ever said, "Hey are you actually alright? Why are you always just ok????"

And then I go down the line of thinking its attention seeking and theni just go quiet about everything and dont tell anyone. Ive gone from not telling anyone to thinking "Ok i need support" and telling say....4 people that im not alright. They never carry through with what im saying. Apart from one guy, he's amazing. But then he is training to be a doctor....

Sweetie, you're wrong when you say "it's the one that no one can see." They may not see it right now, but if you continue, they will see it. It has some very dangerous, visible effects:

<font color="#000088">Recurrent vomiting and other bulimia side effects may directly cause esophageal problems, stomach ulcers, digestive problems, elimination problems, dental damage, vocal cord damage, nutrient deficiencies, vitamin deficiencies, mineral, deficiencies, and enlarged salivary glands.

Other common complications resulting from malnutrition are: menstrual cycle interruption, hormone irregularities, insomnia, decreased bone density, osteoporosis, irregular heart beat, low red blood cell levels, muscular weakness, hair loss, dry skin, low body temperature, organ damage, immune system damage, and many other serious problems. </font>

You may think you're controlling it, but it sounds like it's controlling you -- and scaring you. I can tell you're intelligent and insightful enough to know that there are reasons you're doing this -- deeper reasons. I know it's so HARD to reach out for help, but talking about it here is the first step. Keep sharing and take care.

No offense, but if you are trying to quit SI and can't, I'm pretty sure you don't have the control over it that you act like you do.

There are quite a few people who do switch from negative coping mechanisms to different negative ones. I've struggle with SI and eating disorders (and avariety of other things) and I do tend to go back and forth between the lesser of two evils (whichever one I find less bad at the time).

You really should consider talking to a T about this. I know you may not be ready to talk to them about SI but you should talk to them about your eating disorder issue. I've done a lot of damage to myself through bulimia, some that may never go away. Please seek help before it gets any worse. These problems don't just go away on their own and are often the result of underlying emotional issues.

Try to stay safe

The damage does happen... not just written on a piece of paper or on a computer screen but in real life... my life...

The throwing up has burned my eshophgus, damaged my lungs, my body won't metablize food right.. I spent hours in the dentist chair getting my teeth fix - ohhh the pain let me tell you...not to mention the money. Cavities under the gumline as the acid eroded the enamel on the tooth.

I don't want to scare you but the effects happen and they do show up on tests. For me I am very short on breath - the fun things I used to be able to do I can't. Shopping (the love of my life LOL) - no longer able to do with my friends. Going out to lunch is no longer fun - my body won't accept food.

So seek some help...

(((hugs)) freewill

Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience. (((((Freewill))))))

I've had enough experience with panic attacks to say that what you experienced was not a panic attack. There's more to panic attacks than that, and while there may be chest pain or discomfort, I've never heard it like you described.

I just thought of something regarding the chest pain you were describing. I used to have severe Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo and it basically made me feel seasick or like a bad drunk when you get the bedspins... all the time. I was constantly nauseous and sometimes turning my head too quickly or in the wrong direction or seeing too much motion would make me throw up. So, I went through a couple of years where I was throwing up at least a few times a week. I used to get pain in my chest from pulled muscles and muscle spasms. That could be what you were experiencing. There's also the burning pain of acid in the esophagus... You can feel that in your chest too, like very bad heartburn. I also used to get strained muscles in my diaphragm that were very painful. It tended to be much worse when I was throwing up at times when I had eaten little or nothing.

Take care.

Hey, thanks for all your replies.

I'm going to try and make a conscious effort not to make myself sick from now on. Because last night scared me and I don't want that to happen again.

I seem to be fine now though, i.e. no chest cramps or anything.

I'm glad you're feeling better and I'm glad you're going to try to stop. If you find that you need some help, though, a therapist can be very, very helpful.