My struggle to get help

I thought that instead of hijacking the check-in thread, I would start my own.

To catch everyone up. I am on Missouri Medicaid and trying to get inpatient help for my anorexia at the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics (U of I). I have been through the whole Medicaid process of trying to get a single case agreement, which the member side of Medicaid has no clue as to what that is. To being told today that Medicaid does NOT cover adult ED treatment.

As of 5:15pm CST U of I called me and told me that they are still trying to get a single case agreement and that she will call me tomorrow with hopefully good news. They are a contracted provider of Missouri Medicaid.

I have also talked to my GP about medically admitting me to the hospital for IV nutrition. Because of all of this happening so late in the day, they are going to have to do some research into admitting me and will call me back tomorrow.

All I know is that I want to get better and kick ED away for good. I also know that doing this on an outpatient basis is not working right now. I have gone so long without eating that my body doesn't know what to do when I do eat.

If you have followed me this far, thank you. Your replies mean a lot to me and do give me a glimmer of hope. Now I could use all the prayers, positive energy, etc. that I will be able to get the help I need.

Sending prayers for you! Hope you get good news from U of I soon. I do think you need to get some nutrition, even if it's at med hospital someplace close to home. You'll be better able to do the work, whatever that means to you, with nutrition helping you think.

I just got off the phone with U of I and it looks like I will be being admitted the end of next week! I don't know what happened between me and Medicaid and them and Medicaid, however my treatment will be covered. Maybe I scared Medicaid when I said I was getting an attorney, I will probably never know and am ok with that. I now have to get certain affairs in order, including enrolling my daughter in school before August 12th. Thank you all so much. I will continue to try and post here about my treatment as well when I get up there. Praise the Lord

Great news! Power of prayer?

Good news!!!!!....
Have you figured out what triggered you back into your anorexia behavior this time after doing well for quite a long time? (for your thoughts only...not trying to pry) Those are important issues needed to be understood for recovery. If we don't understand our triggers & where they come from in our life.....it makes total recovery that much more difficult. Recognizing the triggers helps us know when we need to put ourselves on warning so we can stop the behavior before it gets started again.

Unfortunately if we don't get a handle on that, all our inpatient work ends up just patching the symptoms without really curing the cause.

Praying for the best to come from this....it's usually a lot of hard work & not always easy getting to the REAL bottom of the behavior...but it's usually something that takes years of work with a T on the triggers & sometimes on what lies much deeper under those triggers. That's why ED's are so complex because it's something different for each person & not just the cookie cutter picture that way too many treatment programs think it is.

Have you heard any more on this? HOping everything works out for you .

I talked to U of I today and found out that they are waiting for their financial dept to ok my Medicaid. They have the single case agreement. Just waiting now.

I wish they would hurry up with all of this red tape. It seems silly to me that a simple "ok" for something that already has an agreement would take so long to get.

((Hugs))

Dear dear Butterfli. Please do take special note of what 'Eskie' advices, she has a very experienced prospective on the issues of ED's and the hard times in life in general. I've been following your story closely and I'm relieved and delighted that everything you've been fighting for has come to fruitation at long last, all that extra anxiety you really diddnt need. Anyways, forget that and look to the future. Yes, it will be challenging going inpatient but it appears no other form of so called 'treatment' has gone nowhere. Yes, I agree with Eskielover, it's actually getting to the base of where the real issues began is the only breakthrough. I'm 56 and it's taken all these years, 32 actually, to realise my serious issues over food and body hatred derived from. I was indeed 'big' at school and was from about the age of 12, my whole family are on the big side naturally bout they are also a very 'foodie' family, almost to the degree of compulsive eating. Living to eat and not eating to live. The other kids at school really picked on me for being bigger than they were and called me horrible names. Back then I gave as good as I got and was only interested in getting out of school and going to work with my horses!! That was the basis of my anorexia/bulimia/binge starve and latterly very restrictive eating.
I so wish you well, pray for you and don't worry if you can't get on here in your early days at the U of I. Hugs and Love. Xxx

Still no admit date for the U of I. I am getting tired of waiting.

I"M GOING TO IOWA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Probably early next week. Lots to do and prepare before I go.

I'm just curious....I went back through your posts when you first joined PC & am wondering just how much of your DV, PTSD & issues with your Dad & all the other things that created your ED in the first place have you actually processed with a T(s).....or have you just swept them under the rug which is why you continue struggling with your ED?

It's obvious from reading your posts that your ED came from your marriage situation in the first place because you it didn't sound like you had an ED problem before you finally got through your marriage & got your divorce from the DV situation you were in.....&

03/03/10 you posted:
It might be wise for you to print out some of your past posts so that you can & they can know the real issues behind your ED.

What really happened this time that triggered your not eating again as you have been in recovery for a while.....something had to have happened that triggered you & that would be a very valuable information to go into U of I with.

Interesting because I went through a trauma the last time that triggered my anorexia & after getting out of the medical hospital after several months of in & out through my mother's death & funeral time, they wanted me to go to an ED treatment center again. I called several & told them what had triggered the anorexia......they told me they couldn't help me with PTSD causes of anorexia...the only thing they deal with is body image.....I seriously believed them because that's exactly what the first treatment center I went to tried to cram on me also when I knew there was a whole lot more involved than that & that really wasn't the cause.....but they never worked on the cause so obviously I never recovered from that for years & then I really didn't recover because as soon as another trauma hit, I was right back where I had been before with the anorexia.

The important thing if treatment is going to be successful is to be honest with them & with yourself about what's really going on in your life that's contributing to your anorexia behavior. One of the things that seriously was an issue for me the first time was that I didn't want to live & the anorexia was just a means to that end though it's obvious I didn't succeed & glad I didn't.

It's so easy after we have a huge trigger that gets the behavior started in the first place that even little things will trigger it again & it helps sometimes to go back & look through what initially caused it because there are usually obvious clues for the relapses.....& since you are going for help....it's seriously important that they know what REAL help you need no matter how much difficult work it takes to deal with those issues......they can't be avoided it real healing is truly desired.

All great questions Eskie, and I have been trying to find the answers for myself. I know that I am under a great deal of stress these days, however my weight has not changed for several weeks now (according to my dietician). I am still underweight by quiet a bit. My T asked me today what I want to get out of treatment. I replied that I wanted to remove the stressors and nourish my body so I can better deal with those stressors. To do that, I need to get out of my comfort zone and be "forced" to nourish myself. I can't do that while I am at home.

Tomorrow I find out when my admit date is and am planning on telling my parents in the evening. My daughter already knows and was quiet upset about it. I could use some pocket riders for telling my parents and for the drive up there.

I'm with you....understand the struggle telling parents if they weren't that supportive in the first place.

Do you know which stressor it was that triggered your initial weight loss this time. Know you were working then not was wondering it that might have been a starting trigger.

I know when I lost my career that started it....but it was my bad marriage that was the real weight breaker......as I would have rather been dead than alive & anorexia definitely works for that......my unresolved issues with my marriage came back to bit me along with a trauma & my mother's death. Only thing that gave me the will to want to live was that I had the sweetest filly that had just been born right at the time my weight started dropping.....sometimes getting away helps but it still requires that those triggers be processed.

Know that since I left my H....slowly have been gaining weight then finally healthy. I also found that living alone & having my eskie dogs totally dependent on my health......I don't have the option of letting the anorexia get the best of me because there is NO ONE to care for my eskies if I can't......that was a serious incentive to stay healthy.

So I talked to Iowa and they are waiting for a planned discharge so I can have the next available bed. Right now they are full. I have to have my treatment team send in clinical notes again, however I am not currently seeing them as I don't have any money to pay them. I am starting to get depressed again with this waiting game. I guess it is what it is.

Full beds.....it's amazing how many people in this world are struggling with ED's. Lets you know that you aren't the only one struggling with this sadly. It will open up as soon as possible & the help will be there. Good time to take to heart your signature.....Let go, Let God.