[ReveuseTroublee]

I feel the urge to purge and excercise compulsively more and more. If I could (I do not allow myself to for obvious reasons) I would purge and abuse lax again, maybe meds... I mean I already lost control but I don't want all damage.
I feel so disgusted when I look at myself. I feel guilty for eating, for existing. Food makes me feel nauseous. Life makes feel nauseous.
I feel closer to God and more pure if I reduce it and I feel like I am a better athlete then. Food makes me feel dirty and disgusting and (even more) fat.
I am always agitated, irritable and on the edge.
I am restricting greatly...
I feel like this is more so because of my current situation. I feel like I am completely losing control. I try to keep everything together. But there are so many issues right now. I can not be everywhere... But this gives me at least an illusion of control.
I hope that does not trigger...
Since I still express how I feel.
I feel like at the moment this is better than all the other self-destructive behaviors and has at least some benefits or feels like that.

[buttrfli42481]

I am very angry with myself tonight. I ate taco bell for lunch. (It was cinco de mayo). Then when I got home from church, I had crackers and then ice cream. I have a medical clearance appointment tomorrow and have the urge to be smaller than I was just a few days ago. I shouldn't have ate all that. What if I jeopardized my chances of getting treatment? I am so mad.

[Deilla]

I'm tired of eating vegetables and deli turkey all the time. I decided to order real food. And pies.

[buttrfli42481]

Am so uncomfortable right now. Had a big dinner and am still uncomfortable hours later. Should never have ate it.

[Deilla]

I did some bing-eating.

[buttrfli42481]

Had a consultation with an attorney regarding divorce. Went to my daughter's and had dinner. That's the only time I ate today. Did get a call from EDCare saying they want me in php. Supposed to start Monday morning.

[Deilla]

I'm trying to eat better.

I think I need to learn how to eat slower

today for lunch I had some bacon flavored potato chips, and they still don't feel very digested to me (aqa my stomach still feels very full and I've not even had dinner yet!)

I am meant to be having pizza for dinner with garlic bread, but I don't feel like it really.. oh well: it's not for like another hour. we'll see

[Deilla]

I've been eating meat and vegetables. I eat very little carbs.

[buttrfli42481]

Started EDCare 2 weeks ago. I do great while I'm in program. It's when I'm outside of program I struggle. On Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays I am on my own for dinner and hs snack. Tuesdays and Thursdays we have dinner there. Saturday we are on our own for dinner PM snack and hs snack. Sundays all on our own. I micro restrict most days. I almost feel I need more support with all meals. I don't cook so that makes it easier to not eat. It sucks. Am I ever going to get better?

could have easily gone without dinner

ate it anyway, because you know well... that's just me.. eat too much

didn't enjoy it

[buttrfli42481]

So far this weekend I have not met my meal plan. Am I really wanting to recover?

[Deilla]

Again, just meat and vegetables.

[buttrfli42481]

Feeling extremely inadequate and anxious. Don't have a scheduled hs snack so why eat even if feeling slightly hungry? I know it is ed voice telling me not to. How do you get it to shut up? Will it ever?

[Deilla]

I ate comfort food yesterday. I will try to do better today.

I've not been doing well.

this is what happens: I have a cooked meal, I don't like it, I reach for the candy and make myself sick.

and it has been like that now since well.. over a week (accept for fridays where I have mcdonalds)

I know I need to do better. but the food I have (cooked stuff) just makes me want more candy.

it's not even the portion that's the issue. it's the fact it tastes like something pulled off my shoe

didn't enjoy dinner much yesterday

I just want friday to come now so I can eat mcdonalds

[Deilla]

I went through a bag of chips in three days. I was craving them. I can't get more. They're just too tempting.

[buttrfli42481]

Been in treatment for 3 weeks and still can't complete my meal plan when at home. Really struggling with it.

[Deilla]

I had sugar-free muffins today. I didn't like them. I threw the rest of them away. I'll stick to fruit and Atkins bars.

I had scampi last night

another less than perfect meal and swapped it for candy..

[buttrfli42481]

Grrr. That's all I got.

[Mountaindewed]

I don’t know. It’s still up in the air if I have an ED or not. I’ve never been diagnosed but it’s been heavily suggested by my last treatment team and I’ve done assessments and tests and things that suggest I probably do have one. This weekend I sure acted like it. My current therapist doesn’t think I have one. We only talked about it once. She’s 5 pounds underweight so she may not view my eating habits as unhealthy and disordered.

Basically I’ve just been super depressed since my surgery.

[indigo1015]

I haven’t been able to eat anything today— the very thought of food makes me want to throw up, for some reason.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am not eating well

on the plus side I've not had much junkfood this week

but the other side is... I've not really had much of anything this week. it's a bit of a sucky week in general really- monday night I almost broke my teeth as the food was impossible to bite, yesterday just not nice