a letter.. to my family.. to my friends IRL

Triggering..........







I "trust" no one... and I say "sorry" to no one any longer for my eating disorder...to my family... to my friends IRL...

I am DONE...

I did not ask to be sexually abused.. I did not ask to be physically abused.. I did not ask to take care of my mom.. all of my lfietime.. while.. she knew my dad was sexually abusing me..

I did not ask to have 8 funerals in 2 years.. I did not ask to have two breast lumps in 2 years.. I did not ask to head up an impossible project at work.. visible to the.. whole of the company.. I did not ask.. to have my son.. in and out of the hospital... I did not ask to make life and death decisions on my mother... I did not ask to go thru her surgery.. I did not ask her to have althiemers..I did not ask for her to die.. I did not ask for my father to die.. I did not ask to be laid off...I did not ask to have to sell my house.. I did not ask to have to buy another house to keep my son.. in ths school district..I did not ask.. to have to buy a house that needed plumbing.. and painting.. and work.. to make it a home for my son...I learned how to do all this.. I had no choice BUT I did not ask for it...... I did not ask to stay in an abusive work environment to keep my insurance for.. my son..I did not ask.. to find another job.. where.. I had to do public speaking.. my major phobia in life.. I didn't ask to have a man harses me in my work place...I did not ask..to have no income for 2 years.. and live by the Grace of God.. and my savings....I did not ask for the tension.. the fear.. the just awlfulness.. I did not ask.. to have to deal with the death of my abuser...

I ASKED... for NONE of these things.. yet.. I stood up... I coped.. I did it without.. anyone... I survived...

For.. my family.. for my friends IRL.... you try going thru those experiences.. in a -2-3 year time - AND.. you see how you do.. and NO fair... asking for help from your family.. NO fair asking for help from your spouse... YOU... do it alone... and YOU... do THAT... then.. YOU... come back to me... and tell me... HOW.. you did...

My developing an eating disorder was NOT... done to inconvience you... to make YOU... unhappy... it was not developed to look better.. IT.. allowed me to cope.. to survive.. to get up every morning.. and take care of YOU...

SOOOOOOOOOO.. leave ME... alone... my family.. my IRL friends..

I declare Freewill... and FREEDOM...

I say... sorry... to no one.... if you had cared... if you had listened.. if you had helped... just maybe.. I would not have embrassed you.. by having an eating disorder...

YOU THINK????



It is true.. I am in "recovery".. I will recover... I am recovering.. I am doing it............... finally............... after all these years..

I say "sorry"... to no one.....................

I Trust NO one... I live My life now... as of this moment.. saying sorry.. to No one...

Yeah Freewill - you go girl. What an awesome post.

((((freewill)))

I send my love to you and gentle hugs. You know I am here for you whenever you want to talk or just want to be. I will sit with you quietly and reach out my hand for you to take whenever you need it. I care so much and you are my friend.

Take care of you for you are the important one. I am glad to hear you say you are recovering. For you are a survivor and I am proud to know you. Each day you wake is another day in your abusers face that he did not take from you. I am so proud of you with each day you continue to grow. With each post you post. And with all the honesty you show.

I love you my friend always. Keep your head up and know we are there walking beside you and listening. Write me anytime. Love you.

cami

Thank you both... with every inch.. oz.. and everything from my heart... for understanding... for supporting... for not being "scared" of my anger....for loving me... for walking beside me... you have no idea what it means to me.....

My anger... finally came... out... WOW... suprised me completely...

the stress.. the strain... of always trying to keep it together... I finally... was able to say "what about me"... "I matter"...

so thank you... with you by my side... I will recover.....

Wow. I'm sorry you had a crappy family. Did you send them the letter?

((((((((((((Freewill))))
I am so proud of you. I know how hard those letters are to write
I am here for you, you've done good

Freewill
You had an extremely difficult life. I agree you didn't ask for any of it. You also didn't ask for the compassion that fills your body, soul & spirit. You didn't ask for the empathy you have shown to other victims, the thousands, you have helped, on PC alone(#2184 Posts!) You didn't ask for the kindness quality you possess that you have given to many others,qualities of understanding,patience,helpfulness,thoughtfulness,affection,your time & deep love you have been able to give because of your pain and anguish.You asked for none of these but you stood up coped, survived & helped humankind incredibly. That makes for quite a life, don't you think? You are Awesome Freewill!!