Secrets, Lies, And Deceit.. All For Being Thin?

just keep in mind, you may not be dangerously thin NOW but if you keep restricting you could get there... and not even realize it. It's not so much about the size, the visible changes, as it is about the INNER changes - your body not getting the nutrients it needs... your mind falling to an addiction that cycles too quickly to control...

Hi Pain,

These have a smiliar pattern of fear of not being belived or taken seriously.

I agree with Turquoise,

I looked up SWEDA . have no knowledge of it. On this page they offer low cost counciling. It may be that even a sliding scale is to high. Don't know . I assure you you shoud not have any difficulty getting help for your ED,based on what you have shared.

http://www.swedauk.org/services/services-support.htm

Yes About my father. Just in sharing that with you the picture from the past became more solidified. I don't know why it takes so long for me to truely acknowledge this stuff did happen .

Another memorie came back to me associted with ADD . I had to tape record all my lecture's due to distraction/ drifting off in thought.

My father sent me a tape recorder of his. There was a tape in it. When I played it . it was a recording of him drunk talking to a woman who I thought was a bartender . But it could have been a lover . He was laughing . lots of heavy breathing and long silences while she was talking. He had taped the conversation through a connecting cord.

I can just imagine what he was doing .. Sick... hard to face but all the stuff is right in the details.

Thats why therapy can be helpful . It takes someone who can help you validate this stuff and really accept it on a deeper level so you can stop blaming yourself . And acknowledge this has effected me and how is it still.

The rapes.. it sounds like you have had many ,I 've had a few of those and many times I shared them in therapy and they were glossed over . Just not examined and really looked at.

I gess thats up to us to stay with it and keep asking questions.

And no its not easy to prosecute . especially if its to long after the fact. All the evidence needed is gone .
Those are the hardeat to get over I believe .
But we can get past it and stop punishing ourselves for what was not our fault.

The part thats so difficult to deal with is .

How can so "MANY" happen .

Your asking the wrong person ,by asking me . I don't know. But after a while I too can see how others just think

" She HAS to be making this up ". "no one can have that much trauma."

And this just adds to the pain and the ANGER! The powerlessness and hoplessness of it .is doubled by this reaction.

what we can do is treat ourseves well . Give up the fight in ways it will contimue to hurt us.

Hugs to you,

Patricia.

I'm addicted to the restricting and excitement of losing weight, becoming thinner, really quickly and such. I don't care if it hurts me, I still do it... I hate being constantly focused on food, but if that's the way it has to be... Then I guess for now I'll have to put up with it until I can get the help.

I onyl have to pay £10 per session, which is great. I'm just really apprehensive about it that's all.