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Cocosurviving
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Default Jan 04, 2018 at 10:34 PM
  #141
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Originally Posted by CepheidVariable View Post
Thank you.

Yes, I've met with many pdoc's over the years and have one now. But my biggest problem is my personality disorder (AvPD), which isn't something that can really be treated with medication -- although the medication can help sometimes with the resulting anxiety and depression.

A lot of times, the side effects are not worth the minimal relief I get from the meds. I may be starting a new course within a certain time frame if things don't work out. It's rough. Switching can be really tough. Withdrawal is pretty awful.

And most meds leave me rather dead inside, which makes trying to deal with the personality disorder in therapy effectively impossible.

I'm sorry you've had struggles with depression yourself. And thank you for the kind words.


I have bipolar one and for the first time in six years. I had nothing but depression in 2017....no hypo or mania at all. I was put on a med that gave me bad side effects. My pdoc tapered me off to fast and I had bad withdrawals. I know exactly what you mean. Then I had gained so much weight too from the med. What’s the point of being a happy diabetic. You just do what you can, when you can. Take care

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#SpoonieStrong
Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day.

1). Depression
2). PTSD
3). Anxiety
4). Hashimoto
5). Fibromyalgia
6). Asthma
7). Atopic dermatitis
8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1)
10). Gluten sensitivity
11). EpiPen carrier
12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. .
13). Alopecia Areata
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Default Jan 05, 2018 at 07:52 AM
  #142
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Originally Posted by CepheidVariable View Post
I'm piling all my other failures and self-esteem issues on to this. I need to be more objective, but emotions are anything but.

I just hate getting so emotionally worked up about it. It's not helpful. The emotions don't tell me anything I don't already know. They don't motivate me. They don't do anything but hurt. And we all know you can't just bottle them up or ignore them long term. So I have to ride it out. But try not to wallow.

I'm sorry. I can't talk about it much right now. I have a couple of things I really need to do tomorrow, and I can't afford to go off the rails. I need to maintain some degree of composure until the afternoon.

Maybe we'll talk about it later on a more appropriate sub-forum.

Thank you.
No worries at all, Ceph. Do what you've got to do!
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Default Jan 05, 2018 at 09:49 AM
  #143
I get the whole beating yourself up over exercise goals. I have done this so many times, there was a time I was hooked on my best time, etc.

These days my daily exercise is there but scaled down, sometimes it's a walk or a cycle to and from work. Personal records are forgotten, often I run without my Garmin just listen to music.

Idk if this is helpful to you Ceph, but I now decide "will this make me Happy?" if it doesn't I don't do it anymore. Maybe I'll get joy from the intense training again but right now no, and I'm not an elite athlete so no need to pressure myself.

Do whatever activity makes you feel good is my advice.
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Default Jan 05, 2018 at 06:31 PM
  #144
Thank you everyone.

I was feeling really bleak and upset yesterday, but it's better now.

I went out today and got something done despite the frigid weather and I made a very important phone call that's been badly stressing me for ages. So I got those couple of things I needed to do, done. I'm quite tired from the anxiety, and some poor sleep last night, but feeling somewhat relieved and calmer.

Tomorrow I think I'll muck around with trying out some exercises with no expectations. Trying to put together a proper workout is just not happening. If I have to start back at the lowest level it's still better than nothing, which is what I've been doing. So, I'll just do something and start slowly adding to it over time like I did last year.

Thank you again for the support Coco, starry, and prefab. I really do appreciate it.
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Default Jan 05, 2018 at 07:53 PM
  #145
I made the soup. That ancient Chinese soup with ginger I posted about. Its really good and pretty much not spicy, which I really thought it would be, but I'm glad its not.

Exercise hasn't been happening. I'm pretty much snowed in. I should really do some yoga in the house. It just hasn't happened yet. Lol. I DID change my sheets, do my laundry, and knit some of a friend's scarf. So I'm proud of myself for getting some stuff done.
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Default Jan 05, 2018 at 10:11 PM
  #146
Hello everyone ,
I was able to walk for 30 minutes today. It’s cold here in Oklahoma but no snow. I had my first therapy appt today and it was ok. I’m going to try out some of my Weight Watchers recipes this weekend. I’ve heard good things about their chili (made with chicken breast).

Starrysky - I have a scarf I need to finish up. I think I’m going to give it to my grandmother.

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#SpoonieStrong
Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day.

1). Depression
2). PTSD
3). Anxiety
4). Hashimoto
5). Fibromyalgia
6). Asthma
7). Atopic dermatitis
8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1)
10). Gluten sensitivity
11). EpiPen carrier
12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. .
13). Alopecia Areata
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Default Jan 06, 2018 at 06:46 PM
  #147
I did some theraband exercise today and a few leg and knee exercises. No weights yet because I'm a little reluctant to do only upper body with weights, and a recent visit to a physiotherapist indicated the muscles that support the knees are still in fact quite weak.

I at least tried to do some gentle and limited range stuff quickly, so as to get the heart going a little and actually feel something. No dog walking today -- too cold and windy.

It wasn't much (10 minutes?), but my reason for doing all this is general health and mood. So my main target is to do *something* every day except once a week (I feel I need one day where I can ignore it all if I have to). Ten minutes isn't nearly enough, but I wasn't doing anything. I have to somehow build back up again. At least I started something.

Hmm ... soup. I should do homemade vegetable and leftover soup ... it's a bit of a hassle ... it's so much better after at least one day.
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 12:15 AM
  #148
Hello everyone,

I logged 90 minutes walking on my Apple Watch. I put my recipe on crock pot chicken taco chili. I’m letting it cook over night. My crock pot has a timer. I’m watching Diners, Dive-Ins and Dives.

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#SpoonieStrong
Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day.

1). Depression
2). PTSD
3). Anxiety
4). Hashimoto
5). Fibromyalgia
6). Asthma
7). Atopic dermatitis
8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1)
10). Gluten sensitivity
11). EpiPen carrier
12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. .
13). Alopecia Areata
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 07:07 AM
  #149
Today my parents are coming over to help me unfreeze my windshield wiper. I'll probably need new ones. But its going up to 22 today, so maybe I can walk or get out of the house.

I ate a TON of chocolate last night. I was trying to figure out if it was emotional eating. I think some of it was. I also felt like I had low blood sugar, so wanted something sweet. This morning though, I woke up feeling not the greatest from it.

I think being cooped up in here for two whole days has been a real struggle! So glad my parents are coming over today!! Also, I'm just going to go stretch. Right now. There's no reason why I shouldn't / couldn't.
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 11:29 AM
  #150
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Originally Posted by starrysky View Post
Today my parents are coming over to help me unfreeze my windshield wiper. I'll probably need new ones. But its going up to 22 today, so maybe I can walk or get out of the house.


I ate a TON of chocolate last night. I was trying to figure out if it was emotional eating. I think some of it was. I also felt like I had low blood sugar, so wanted something sweet. This morning though, I woke up feeling not the greatest from it.


I think being cooped up in here for two whole days has been a real struggle! So glad my parents are coming over today!! Also, I'm just going to go stretch. Right now. There's no reason why I shouldn't / couldn't.


Hello Starrysky,

I think it’s good your parents are coming to help you. Years ago my wipers were froze. I had to replace them. Having cabin fever came be terrible. I hope your able to get out soon. Take care and enjoy your visit.

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#SpoonieStrong
Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day.

1). Depression
2). PTSD
3). Anxiety
4). Hashimoto
5). Fibromyalgia
6). Asthma
7). Atopic dermatitis
8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1)
10). Gluten sensitivity
11). EpiPen carrier
12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. .
13). Alopecia Areata
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 02:24 PM
  #151
I got out.
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 02:58 PM
  #152
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I got out.
Jailbreak!
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 05:34 PM
  #153
That's what it felt like!
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 06:26 PM
  #154
Still trying to figure out how to do effective cardio in the confines of my current situation ... so I did a repeat of yesterday's exercises.

It was getting late (I hate exercising in the dark), and so I just did something. Which is ... something.

Hey Coco, I hope you're doing okay this evening. I saw your other post about evenings and nights being hard. That's often my worst down period too.

I hear a lot of people suffer depression severely first thing in the morning. Many of them have brain chemistry induced depression. Mine started with situational depression ... and dark, lonely, empty evenings are really not good for that. I've often wondered if there's a correlation there with the timing between the two types.
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 06:39 PM
  #155
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Still trying to figure out how to do effective cardio in the confines of my current situation ... so I did a repeat of yesterday's exercises.

It was getting late (I hate exercising in the dark), and so I just did something. Which is ... something.

Hey Coco, I hope you're doing okay this evening. I saw your other post about evenings and nights being hard. That's often my worst down period too.

I hear a lot of people suffer depression severely first thing in the morning. Many of them have brain chemistry induced depression. Mine started with situational depression ... and dark, lonely, empty evenings are really not good for that. I've often wondered if there's a correlation there with the timing between the two types.
Oh wow. I had total drama morning depression before I started taking my AD. I didn't know that about chemical / morning VS situational / night depression.
Where did you hear that?

Coco, I hope you're doing well. How are you doing? Prefab, how are you?
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 07:29 PM
  #156
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Oh wow. I had total drama morning depression before I started taking my AD. I didn't know that about chemical / morning VS situational / night depression.
Where did you hear that?
Oh, I didn't hear it. It's just a slight pattern I've noticed and wondered briefly about. Of course without statistically valid studies done with proper controls, it's just idle musings.

People with neurotic and curious personality types tend to think and wonder aloud about such things ...

... and socks.
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 08:21 PM
  #157
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Oh, I didn't hear it. It's just a slight pattern I've noticed and wondered briefly about. Of course without statistically valid studies done with proper controls, it's just idle musings.

People with neurotic and curious personality types tend to think and wonder aloud about such things ...

... and socks.
They tend to wonder about socks? Or wear awesome socks? In my experience its the latter.
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 10:04 PM
  #158
Hey everyone ,

I stayed inside most of the day because it rained the whole day. I did go run one errand and fuel up for the week. I’m not sure why but in the evenings I get very low and have had the feeling of wanting to cry. I read an article saying some people get depressed in the evenings because they have nothing to do and the extra time is just anxiety getting them. I have heard some people get depressed first thing in the morning. I use to take Zoloft, did for one year. It gave me digestive problems, I gained a lot of weight and my anxiety was through the roof. I tapered off a few weeks ago. I’m not interested in any other meds. This weight is really bothering me but I know it takes time. I do use coping skills and that really helps. Thank you Starrysky and Cepheid for checking on me. You both are great.

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#SpoonieStrong
Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day.

1). Depression
2). PTSD
3). Anxiety
4). Hashimoto
5). Fibromyalgia
6). Asthma
7). Atopic dermatitis
8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria
9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1)
10). Gluten sensitivity
11). EpiPen carrier
12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. .
13). Alopecia Areata
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Default Jan 07, 2018 at 11:46 PM
  #159
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They tend to wonder about socks? Or wear awesome socks? In my experience its the latter.
<Lifts pant leg and sees plain black socks>

Hmph. Not today anyways.

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Originally Posted by Cocosurviving View Post
Hey everyone ,
Thank you Starrysky and Cepheid for checking on me. You both are great.
Aw, thanks. You're welcome.

Yeah, it could be a bunch of things, but I know that moping around in the evening sure doesn't help. So, I try to always have something to do and at least distract myself during the evening hours. But I'm sure that's part of your coping skills.

I hope your weight loss continues to go well. When I went off a particular medication, my weight loss was very gradual but it kept going for quite some time. I did eventually return to the weight I had been years before. Although my main concern became eating healthier, more than for weight loss.
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Default Jan 08, 2018 at 03:54 PM
  #160
Hi Everyone, I feel like a bit of an imposter as I have been clear of depression for so long now - I keep coming here almost as way to ward it off. It's awful, it really is, and I'm sorry for those of you struggling with it right now. In my experience the darkness of winter months makes it feel worse, and the evenings are very dark. Getting out when it was light always seemed to help me. Lightboxes did nothing for me (it had to be daylight). But everyone has their own experience.

Thanks for asking after me Starry, I am glad you got out, I got a 5k in tonight after a week of feeling too unwell to run (headaches every day) it felt good!
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