Weight Loss and Exercise #4

I was 164 today. I weighed myself at 8 so it was later then usual but I don’t think my weight fluctuates that much from 5-8. I had a small French vanilla iced coffee and a couple diet vanilla Dr. Peppers from Sonic. Then I went back to sonic after my appointment and I got a plain hot dog. I had a sugar free pudding and then I had a cake batter protein shake for lunch. I was going to have a Greek yogurt and an English muffin with apple butter along with a strawberry sugar free jello for dinner. But I kind of want a steak and vegetables from Dennys. But with the stuff I already have planned I’m at 1,325 calories minus whatever the toppings for the hot dog are since I had it plain and I can’t seem to figure out how to subtract the calories when I customize it on the sonic app.

I've gained some weight. I'm not too sure why. I'm trying to drink more fluids. I hope that helps it come off. I've been eating healthy. I didn't walk today. I stayed in bed all day. I don't feel like walking tomorrow. I will probably sleep again.

I was just exhausted today. I did do some housework yesterday.

I ate more veggies today, and I adjusted my diet.

I was 164 exactly today. At both 2AM and 6AM and before and after a muffin and a protein drink. Besides the muffin I had a yogurt and a piece of pizza. I also had a diet code red Mountain Dew and I drank an entire 64oz bottle of Lipton diet green tea. I just had a mug of sugar cookie tea now. For dinner I was going to have a purple sweet potato. I have some canned ground beef I need to eat and then I just got some cherry sugar free jello today. So I’m at about 1,342 calories. I don’t know if eating 450 calories before 3 is gonna mess me up or not. The topamax isn’t quite as magical as I was thinking it was going to be. I’m also kinda down in the dumps about how awful soda has been tasting because of the topamax. I know that will end up helping me out in the long run but I really do like drinking it.

I just ate a little bag of American style cream and onion chips I picked up from an Indian market this morning and I feel so much better now. I was so cranky because I wanted something that wasn’t diet or zero or very good for me. I believe in moderation anyways and not denying myself in the first place and the bag had 160 calories so it wasn’t a big deal. But I still plan on having the potato for dinner.

Edit: I was close to getting Texas Roadhouse for dinner but I had an Atkins shake and a sugar free pudding and I think I’m ok now. I’m gonna try to put off going to bed too early. My sleep has been weird ever since the topamax. It’s been tough falling asleep and the other day I woke up a lot later then usual.

I don’t like eating stuff at 2AM because I feel like it often screws with things during the day. But I just wake up so ravenous sometimes.

I’m having luck with the Atkins shakes. The premier protein shakes not so much. Today I had a bran muffin and a roll for breakfast. My mid morning snack was an Atkins shake and a skinny pumpkin spice grande latte. Which was still 260 calories. Lunch was a turkey cheddar sausage. I had a hard boiled egg, a 52oz bottle of zero sugar lemonade, a 10 calorie bottle of vitamin water, and 2 sugar free jellos also today. For dinner I’m having an Asian yam. I thought it was a purple sweet potato. I’m right around 1300 calories for the day. I planned out my meals for the weekend. I get my shot tonight but hopefully the hunger isn’t too bad this weekend.

I got some limon salt Fritos I found from a Mexican grocery store today. I’ve been dying to have those again ever since I had from a subscription box last year so I’ll have those tomorrow. Then I have a pint of pumpkin spice Halo Top ice cream I’m saving for Halloween. So I have a treat each day this weekend.

I've lost a little weight. So I'm getting back down to 270. I ate a lot yesterday but I was sick too. I think I feel better today. I will have turkey sausage for breakfast.

I woke up at 2:30 and I’m trying not to eat anything until 7:30. I’m trying to get on a schedule with my eating. I’ve had some hot tea though. For breakfast I plan on having my last bran muffin and a hard boiled egg. For lunch I plan on having a pumpkin yogurt and a bag of chips. Dinner will be an Atkins shake and a turkey cheddar sausage. Then I plan on having a couple zero sugar lemonades too. My calories equal right around 1330 calories. I have Sunday and Monday planned too and I may plan out further depending on how much I have.

I only check my weight when I absolutely need to, for record purposes. I'm trying to congratulate myself based on my healthier lifestyle choices, as opposed to based on whether I've lost weight. That said, it is worth celebrating when someone has reached their goals. The thing is, not everyone can. Also, as I understand addictions (like when I used to be a smoker), part of recovery is, in fact, relapse. Using relapse as an excuse to remain in an unhealthy state wasn't productive either. It took me so many times to quit smoking, from 2004 to 2020. So far, I've quit smoking for good - or at least as my new coping mechanisms work for all of my disorders (comorbidity; dual diagnoses, as it relates to smoking cessation). In a similar vein, I'm now tackling my dietary habits (not enough to call it an addiction or ED at all, according to my psychotherapist, who treats ED and asserts I don't have one). I'm looking at the benefits of eating healthier, as opposed to a target weight goal. This is especially important for me, but it may NOT work for other people (so don't try this on your own; as your treatment team first). When I focus on a healthier lifestyle, I realize that I lose weight without trying, and without all the back-and-forth thoughts regarding my fluctuating weight. My weight fluctuates too much within a day, due to my retaining of water, my CFS/ME, my IBS, my other physiological disorders, possibly my thyroid, possibly pre-menopausal state, and my DID/PTSD combo. So, I do what I can to manage a healthy lifestyle through managing my disorders that are scientifically connected to weight management.

I've had some bad days where I'd feel bloated, distended, full, ashamed of my appearances, and ashamed of my obesity or overweight status; but those days are not based on weight amount anymore. I feel better avoiding the scale as much as possible (even though I can see the benefit for some other people who need to monitor their weight, such as for certain jobs that require weigh-ins, or for certain disorders).

I slept well last night. I last ate around 3:30 last night. So I ate breakfast at 6:30. So I went 15 hours without eating. When I worked I tried doing 8:30AM-4:30PM. Since it worked with my work schedule and my break. I had a pint of pumpkin pie Halo Top ice cream. It took me until about 7 to finish it. I get migraines if I eat those too fast. I had also planned on having a serving of Goldfish crackers for 140 calories. Until I realized I could eat 2 hard boiled eggs for 140 calories total instead. So I chose the eggs. Then I went out and I got an iced green tea with Splenda from Starbucks. I went out shopping and I got a donut but I’m saving it for the morning. I stopped at McDonald’s and I wanted an orange Hi C. Then I found the new Mountain Dew and I have to try the new Mountain Dews as soon as I get them no natter what. So I did some rearranging which wasn’t a big deal. I’m still pretty full from all the protein from breakfast. So for the rest of the day I plan on having an English muffin with a tablespoon of apple butter for a late lunch and an Asian yam and an Atkins shake for dinner. I’m at just about 1340 calories. Since I’m doing the intermittent fasting I have a lot to eat and not much time left so I should probably eat something now or else my therapist will be pissed at me.

For Christmas I’m asking for one of those ab roller things you roll back and forth. I’d also like to find some weights either for Christmas or that I’d buy myself. But the weights I’m seeing are super expensive. You use to be able to go to Walmart and buy 10 pound ones for $5 each. I know before the pandemic they were expensive but now that gyms are open I’m not sure why weights are expensive. The ab thing I want is $18.

I did the same thing as yesterday. I finished eating around 3:30. I ate breakfast this morning at 6:30. I had a donut and a hard boiled egg. I got 3 iced teas from sonic 2 were blackberry which had 5 calories each. Then I had a grape one which was 45 calories. I then got a small order of chili cheese fries from Sonic after my doctors appointment. I had a little cup of velveeta macaroni and cheese about 45 minutes ago. Dinner is going to have to be soon although my mom is still at the store. But I’m having a sweet potato and an Atkins shake. I’m right at my goal of 1350 calories for the day. What I ate wasn’t really very healthy but I mean I’m not starving for dinner.

I was 163.4 or 6 this morning. I finished eating last night at 3:45. I should have eaten again this morning at 6:30 but I really needed some iced coffee at 5:30. I haven’t eaten breakfast yet but I plan on having an english muffin with a tablespoon of apple butter. Lunch will be an Atkins shake and a hard boiled egg. Dinner will be a bag of steam in the bag yellow potato’s, 9 small potato’s total. Then I plan on having a bowl of soy sauce ramen with the broth dumped out sometime during the day as a snack. If any of us can make the drive I plan on getting a grape Sprite Zero and 2 black berry unsweetened iced teas from Sonic. My calories roughly equal to 1,345.

I've been too afraid to step on the scale. I have been eating a lot. I've just been stressed.

I was 162.6 today. The number was moving around and looked like it was about to settle on 163 exactly before it switched suddenly to 162.6. So I am super happy today. My topamax and intermittent fasting are for sure working. I had a Gatorade zero at 6:30. Then I ate an egg around 8. I got a large signature iced peppermint latte from dunkin. I ordered it with skim milk so it had 100 calories less. It had a bunch of whipped cream which I expected and chocolate drizzle which I also expected but there was a lot of it and then there was some kinda chocolate crumbles so I didn’t eat any of that I just drank the latte part. Then I just now had a bowl of soy sauce ramen without the broth. Dinner is going to be an Atkins shake, an English muffin, and a tablespoon of apple butter. And my snack is going to be a microwave sweet potato. According to the my fitness pal app I’m 5 calories over. But I’m most likely closer to 100 calories under. So I’m not sure what to expect in the morning when I weigh myself. I may have had a bit too much sodium though. That’s my only concern. Although according to my nutrition facts on my app I’m still 5 calories under my sodium goal and that takes into account the broth in the ramen. So I’m probably good on the sodium as well.

I’ve never stressed about gaining weight. I’m human and I’m not extra “woke” however I’ve learned my body.

I’ve accepted that I have multiple chronic illnesses and medications are part of my life, for LIFE.

Any and every medication change results in negative or positive side effects. Which usually includes weight gain etc.

If a medication is causing me too much weight gain, I have the prescribing doctor take me off the medication/find an alternative medication or I find something non-big pharma.

I gain weight, put in work via exercise and lose the weight…so I don’t stress. I also don’t believe in explaining to random people, acquaintances, family and “so-called” friends why I gained weight. I view this as fatphobia.

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I was 161.8 today. I was kinda surprised I was that low. Maybe all that crap I didn’t eat that was on top of the latte had more calories then I realized. The latte had 440 calories with all of it and I didn’t subtract any of it. So far today I had a 12oz bottle of berry Gatorade, a trenta size coffee from Starbucks, and 2 hard boiled eggs. I also had a 5 calorie Gatorade zero. I had planned on having a bowl of deluxe Kraft macaroni and cheese for lunch and then an Atkins shake, and an English muffin with apple butter for dinner. Then a cup of Jif to go crunchy peanut butter for an afternoon snack. But I’m wondering if I should eat the peanut butter for lunch and the Mac and cheese for a snack since my coffee is suddenly increasing my anxiety and I could use the peanut butter to help calm my anxiety. But I’ve all but given up soda so I really can only drink water, coffee, diet tea, and zero sugar Gatorade. The soup doesn’t seem to be an issue since I’ve had a lot of soup and ramen lately and am still losing. I always dump the broth out though. So maybe the issue was really the soda. Being on the topamax and not having female hormones anymore does help quite a bit as well though. I’ve heard trans men can lose weight easily after hysterectomies.

I lost a little more weight so that is good. I have been focused on nutrition. I'm trying to eat healthily.

I bought a bunch of healthy groceries today, made a meal plan for the next week and a half, hoping to stick to it. I also want to start increasing my exercise, specifically walking and repetitions with my 8lb weights

I'm just stuck and I don't know why. Maybe too much stress.

I was still 161.8 today. I was kinda worried yesterday that my feet weren’t all the way on the scale and today they were for sure all the way on the scale. For breakfast I had half a cinnamon crumble muffin with a tablespoon of apple butter and a hard boiled egg. I had a medium cheese fries from Sonic for a morning snack. Lunch whenever will be a microwave cup of Campbells double noodle soup with the broth dumped out and a Fuji apple. Dinner will probably be eaten in shifts but it will still be in my 3:30PM time frame but it will be another egg, an Atkins shake, and my last plain English muffin with another tablespoon of apple butter. I have down roughly 1350 calories and my mom is trying to tell me that all that is not enough food. Really? It seems like a ton of food to me. I woke up at 2:30 this morning feeling sick as **** so I needed to break my intermittent fasting and drink a couple small bottles of zero sugar Gatorade’s at 4 instead of waiting until 6:30. But it was kinda medically necessary to get the fluids inside me. But I did wait to actually eat until 6:30.

I was 162.2 today. I’m not surprised at all. I had four 12oz bottles of Gatorade zero yesterday. That stuff has a ton of sodium and can just throw your weight off in general. Plus I had soup and some macaroni and cheese for dinner. So my sodium was high even though I was still in my calorie range. Today for breakfast I had half a cinnamon crumble muffin and a tablespoon spoon of apple butter. I don’t think I cut the muffin exactly so it may have been a bit less then half. Then I also had a Sargento string cheese. I got a large peppermint mocha iced latte from Dunkin’ Donuts around 8:30. Lunch will be a peppermint Chobani flips yogurt, and dinner will be an Atkins shake, an English muffin, and a tablespoon of apple butter. I also plan on having 4 sugar free jellos. I feel like I’m lacking a bit quality wise so I may figure things out a bit differently or just chug a 62 or whatever oz bottle of diet tea since that always seems to help. Right now I’m at 1,325 calories and 1,210 mil of sodium.

Edit: I did figure things out a bit differently and I’m having a yoplait Oui yogurt instead of the Chobani flips and it is about 40 calories less. So I was able to have a hard boiled egg as well and 3 sugar free jellos instead of 4. So now I’m at 1330 calories for the day. Although I still could have a couple more jellos and still be in my goal range. And I did also drink an entire 59oz bottle of Gold Peak diet sweet tea.

I ate an entire package of sugar free jello. Which was 4 cups. While they were filling and only 5 calories for each cup my stomach is not thanking me right now.

But I skipped the apple butter with my English muffin tonight so total today it was 1,305 calories, maybe a bit less because I don’t think the cinnamon muffin from this morning was sliced exactly in half. I had 1,280 mil of sodium. My MFP goal is to stay under 2300mil. I was also under my carbs goal as well. I was at 157 and my goal is to stay under 170. So I should lose on all that and get back to 161 something in the morning. I did calculate my diet drinks as well but the diet sweet tea only had 20mil of sodium per serving so 100mil total.

Oh i was going to warn you about the sugar free jello. Its dangerous to eat more than one, MAYBE 2 servings - dangerous in terms of gas and diarrhea. Do not trust your farts tonight, trust me! I eat sugar free stuff to help manage constipation.

Haha yeah the farts. I just asked my mom if the cat box smelled bad because something smells real bad and she said no it’s not the cat box.