A 29 year old...

Do you see a 29 year old as starting to age or ageing?
Would you stop seeing them as a young woman?
Would you find it unusual for them not to have reached certain milestones?
Would you find it weird that they worked in childcare but was still single with no kids themselves?

I don't mind admitting that I am terrified about turning 29 and worried that people will view me as weird as I am not like other 29 year olds. I look about 16 for a start and have a childlike body. I also don't have kids and am single.
I worry all the time that people think I am too old for my career in childcare and that I am too old to work in a daycare when I have no kids of my own. I feel like people are expecting me to marry and have kids soon and that I am leaving both very late. I also worry that people find it strange that I look so young when I am approaching 30.
I feel really anxious about myself lately and worry that I am automatically labelled as behind in life and an ageing weirdo. I know that sounds extreme but it is how I feel.
Am I doing ok or should I be worried?

Hello, Jenn855. You seem to be obsessed with how others might perceive you. Why do you worry so much about how others might define you? Define yourself.

The Danger of Letting Others Define You | Psychology Today

What do you want from life? Use your energy to reach your goals.

I wish you well.

Hello Jenni855,

Oh I think 29 is a lovely age I really do. I am 46. At the age of 29 you want to enjoy not being a young adult nor being middle aged. You are in your prime! Working in child care does not mean you need to be young, experience is valued and children and parents will look up to you. I see everyone as unique and we all follow a different path, you do not have to conform to 'milestones.' As long as you are happy, it does not matter what other people think. You are doing a great job working in child care, keep on your own path.

Look , You sound great to me and hot etc And i would want to have my way with you . So you have nothing to worry about , try going out and meeting a few guys etc

All that matters is that you are happy. Life should be about pursuing your own personal goals. There is no deadline for learning and improving. I'm 21 and still learning to sweep a floor! If people have a problem with your life they probably have none and aren't worth your time. Do what pleases you, work on what you want to improve.

The child care providers at the day care I used to work in were older and did better jobs than the younger ones.

It is your life and you get to live it the way that is best for you. At a younger age I defined myself by what others were doing and what others had...I was very unhappy. I am much happier knowing I do not have to live my life by anyone else's standards. You will attract people that share your values.

I think I am just so different compared to others my age and I worry I am just not good enough and that people are saying how odd I am to not be married, have kids or be anywhere near that stage. Not to mention the fact I look 16. I know I shouldn't care and I do wonder why I am so concerned with others opinions. I guess I have just felt I never measure up and that I can't be loved unconditionally until I do all that I feel I am meant to do. At the moment, I feel I can't be loved and accepted for who I am in the present moment. Weird perhaps but it is how I feel.

Focus on the things you love about yourself. I'm sure those children love to have you with them. Figure out what you feel passionate about. It takes a while to change the way you look at yourself...keep working on it. You can not live your life by what you "think" others feel about you.
I wasted A LOT of time thinking I did not measure up...not sure if you have an objective other you can talk with - that could be helpful. Gald you found this site!

I agree with pegasus

I worry I am really strange for having these thoughts and living this life. I worry I come across as an oddball or an ageing freak. I wish i could be brave enough to confide in a family member or friend. Just don't know how to approach it. I feel so different to others my age, it worries me.

Oh yes and when people keep saying I look good for my age as though at 29 you are meant to have tons of wrinkles and look old. Jesus. Depressing or what?

My daughter is 29 and I remember very well when I was 29 (I'm 51 now). 29 is a wonderful age - you're just coming out of young adulthood and transitioning into being a real adult. From your posts, you sound fabulous to me - if you stop focusing on age so much. btw, plenty of people who don't have their own children work with children...not unusual at all. One of my nieces is 39, married, and cannot have children due to some severe health conditions she has. She's taught preschool for ages, absolutely loves her job, and the children and parents adore her.

Thanks for the kind words Sister. I don't know what is up with me lately, have a real fear of ageing and becoming older. I feel I don't belong and that I am weird for not fitting into a particular group.

"It is a universal principle that you get more of what you think about, talk about, and feel strongly about." Jack Canfield...
Make sure you are spending time thinking about the GOOD things

29 is 29... it's aging at the exact same rate as you age when you are 10, 15, 45, 90....

If someone is older than you, you can still be a "young woman". If someone is younger than you, they won't consider you a young woman.

Everyone reaches milestones at their own pace; some choose to skip them. To each their own, nothing is unusual.

It is not weird in the slightest to work with children and not have any yourself. Even people in their 70s or later can still work with children without ever having had any themselves.

Honestly, you need to stop worrying about what other people think of you - who cares as it's YOUR life and you can live it how you want!

Trust me - I get the feeling from general society's pressure. I'm just hitting 30 this month I'm a teacher, and I do not have children! I don't even particularly want any. I don't own a house, and I am not married. I am in a relationship, but it's been for less than 4 months (although it's the most healthy one I've had, and it seems like it has long-term potential). I do not have my driver's license and thus I do not have a car either! The only thing I have is that I have a permanent job, and I have my own apartment (but that is because I live somewhere where it is affordable).

Everyone's life goes at its own pace. It gets influenced by different things - level of education, cost of living, job availability, how isolated you are, etc etc etc......

As long as you're happy and working towards whereever you want to go, then it's fine

Lot of what you are thinking and worrying about. Who are these unknown people saying things to (since everyone knows just to look at you :-)

Get into an argument with "you" and tell her to take a hike, you don't need her problems you have enough of your own

I got married when I was 39! I loved 30 though, I was finally an "adult" and no one could deny that. You don't want to be young so you worry about what everyone else is doing/saying do you? When you are older you become more sure of yourself because you have more experience, have seen more and understand some things better, etc. I still remember when I was like 8-9 and couldn't wait to be 12 and remember when you wanted to be 18 and then 21? Thirty is even better.

A red panda...I think that is it. It is society pressures and those coming from closer to home. I get asked a lot at worj when I am having kids or if I am in a relationship and get strange looks when I say I am not planning kids or marriage anytime soon. I think more then anything I worry I will become an ageing spinster and that people will look at me and pity me. I get that pity from my friends even now. It makes me feel sick to not be referred to as a young woman anymore.

Back in the 1800's a teacher could not have children of his/her own. Having one's own children was thought to be a distraction from the children in the classroom.

Thanks so much for the article Glok, it really helped me so much .

Jenni.... don't make yourself sick over what you imagine other people think! Often people ask things like that because well, they don't know what else to ask and it's a "traditional" sort of thing.

Know what I did? I decided what I want to be like when I am an old old woman. I want to be one of those really old ladies who still travel and have no fear about just doing silly things while gone! (Then again.... I also want to be an old man who plays chess in the park... haha... alas, I won't get that one!). If I happen to be married or have kids or grandkids at that point in my life, well, I am STILL going to travel!

And that makes me happy. I know what I'm aiming for and it's very much how I live my life already. Travel is one of my biggest passions, and I WILL be that little old lady!

So... I'm celebrating turning 30 by going to a new country It is going to be the best birthday ever. And I will be there all by myself.

Just tell society to Eff It.

I wish I could be as strong as you red panda. Most od my problems stem from the fact that I am a very weak person.

Today my 45 year old colleague said 'You are catching up with me now' when discussing my 29th birthday. I actually feel quite sick.

Hi Jenni855!
Turning 30 next year Jan. Single, no kids. And though I can't look 16 anymore, I can get away with 20. And nothing you are feeling is weird believe me. But you are good enough. You are beautiful enough and when we are all 80 and wrinkled, I bet you will still look stunning. I try to focus on what makes me unique instead of different.

My colleagues comments just sickened me. She is 45 and saying that I am almost her age. She must look at me and laugh. I look 16, single, flatcheted, hardly any friends, low paying job. Compared to her who is married, two kids, rich, great job, lots of friends...according to her, we are close in age so this must make her feel fantastic when she looks at me.

I feel horrendous.