[MtnTime2896]

For half a year now, I've been struggling with PTSD and I started seeing a counselor not too long after the flashbacks started because I was required to by the school. I was speaking with her for a few months off and on because I wasn't a big fan of "sharing my feelings" with someone I didn't really know. After a certain amount of time I began seeing a therapist at a community center (started a month ago) and I also began taking a few different antidepressants. Nothing's helped so far and my flashbacks started getting even more intense and so did my inability to tell whether or not I'm dreaming. Sure, medication stopped me from having several panic attacks in an hour but it decreased my ability to tell whether or not anything's actually real. I'm also having a hard time with something else. Recently (over the past two weeks) I've been having a lot of unwanted thoughts about killing myself. I'm beginning to agree with them and its hard to fight off these emotions when I can't help but see the logic in them. I don't want to eat anymore, I don't want to do anything that I'd normally enjoy and I can't even see the point in attending school or anything. I just don't care about any of it. Today I haven't taken my medication and I cancelled any future therapy appointments. I just don't want to talk about it anymore, I can't. I guess I'm wondering, especially with the inability to tell whether or not my surroundings are real, if I need to go to a hospital?

[Skeezyks]

Hello So leigheas: One of the hallmarks of major depression is withdrawing from the various aspects of life. And it can be a danger signal with regard to the potential for suicide as well. So I would say yes. It would be a wise choice to reach out for help in some way or another. Going to the hospital may be one way of doing this. Another might be to contact your psychiatrist first if you have one. You could also start by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). However you choose to proceed, the important thing here is to not allow yourself to continue to withdraw. Reach out for help... now...

[Nammu]

Ditto what skeezyks said.

[Thunder Bow]

Therapy can stir up many feelings. An In-Patent Hospital would be the best place to start.

Agree entirely with above. If you don't have a psychiatrist, start with your family doctor. He/she can make the arrangments for you which is far easier than waiting in an ER to be admitted.

There is nothing wrong with the hospital. It is not a sign of weakness. I believe on the contrary, self admission is a sign of some strength to recognize and do what you must do. Please give us an update.

Yes!

As many times as necessary too!

You. Are. Worth. It.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[lookinforhelp]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

For half a year now, I've been struggling with PTSD and I started seeing a counselor not too long after the flashbacks started because I was required to by the school. I was speaking with her for a few months off and on because I wasn't a big fan of "sharing my feelings" with someone I didn't really know. After a certain amount of time I began seeing a therapist at a community center (started a month ago) and I also began taking a few different antidepressants. Nothing's helped so far and my flashbacks started getting even more intense and so did my inability to tell whether or not I'm dreaming. Sure, medication stopped me from having several panic attacks in an hour but it decreased my ability to tell whether or not anything's actually real. I'm also having a hard time with something else. Recently (over the past two weeks) I've been having a lot of unwanted thoughts about killing myself. I'm beginning to agree with them and its hard to fight off these emotions when I can't help but see the logic in them. I don't want to eat anymore, I don't want to do anything that I'd normally enjoy and I can't even see the point in attending school or anything. I just don't care about any of it. Today I haven't taken my medication and I cancelled any future therapy appointments. I just don't want to talk about it anymore, I can't. I guess I'm wondering, especially with the inability to tell whether or not my surroundings are real, if I need to go to a hospital?

I would say going to the Hospital would be a good first step. Going off of medications are going to make the ability to tell if your surroundings are real impossible... I have been hospitalized several times, a few of them my choice. I would also hope that whoever you are getting therapy from would be checking in with you, since you cancelled appointments. I know I have to speak with my psychologist before I can cancel an appointment. Best of luck to you. Take good care of you...

[MtnTime2896]

My fiance convinced me to keep going with the medication until I go back to my doctor, so I am. I'm also saving some money I got from taxes and building on it. I probably won't be going to a hospital this month but will in April. I can't afford to go, yet because I have to make sure I have the finance to take leave from work and still pay my bills. Nothing's gotten easier since I posted this and its getting more and more unbearable. I'm also getting more violent with everything (when I feel like I have the energy). I'm fed up, I guess. Saying nothing's gotten easier is true but I've had one moment of relief. I talked with someone I know and trust who also has PTSD. It made me understand that I'm not crazy. Hurt, yes but I'm not insane. It also made me realize that I really need to be more serious about getting help. He's going to set me up with his therapist, soon. Either way, I plan on talking with someone tomorrow to discuss admitting myself into a hospital for a bit. Once I get paid next week, I should have the funds to do it. It can be as early as the week after next but I'm not sure yet. While I don't know how long it will take, I keep telling myself that it has to get better some time, right? I have to get better eventually? I can't see how, though or when and I don't even know if I believe it. I also have to manage to do this without letting my parents know. They check in from time to time and I can't let them know what's going on. I can't tell them why I'm so messed up right now. That's the trick I'm trying to pull off. Taking care of myself without anyone finding out something was ever wrong in the first place.

[Thunder Bow]

There is nothing wrong with wanting heal yourself. No need to hide it.

[avlady]

Hospital sounds in order here. you can and will get better if you cooperate

[MtnTime2896]

Alright guys, I just spent two weeks in the hospital and I'm so glad I did it. I feel like I finally have a handle on things. I learned new things about myself and my medication is adjusted. It feels good, if I'm being honest. I feel really good today and now I'm home. I just gotta keep at it. Thanks guys, I really appreciate the advice.

[Nammu]

Thanks for the update, glad it worked out well.

[Tauren]

At least tell your medical doctor, especially about the suicidal thoughts.

Antidepressants can cause suicidal thoughts in younger people, and they can also make it hard to remember if something happened in a dream or in reality. I have that problem with mine occasionally.

How do you know this isn't all just part of the process of re-living the pain of the trauma in order to let it go? It's like the traumatic event wants to surface, so you can purge it. Pain is like a bacteria in your body that needs to be purged. Antibiotics are the antidote. For you, the traumatic event needs to be purged.

What does purging look like? Re-living the event, voluntarily or involuntarily. Experiencing the pain of the event. Coming to a better understanding of the event from another timeline in your life, when perhaps you are better equipped to handle that traumatic event.

I may be totally wrong. I've been known to be wrong before. If I'm right, medicating it means you won't be doing a purge.

The next part of the purge is about forgiveness. Forgiving whomever created this traumatic event in your life. Perhaps nobody created it, it just happened through circumstance. Purging does include forgiveness. Then there's forgiving yourself.

I'm afraid if you are in the middle of purging your pain, you will disrupt it with hospitalisation. Hospitalisation will be about pushing all the pain back inside and medicating it. If you are at risk of committing suicide, then you need to be under someone else's care.

If you are merely purging the painful event, you won't accomplish that at the hospital. It really boils down to what YOU think is happening to you. Please don't change your plans to go to the hospital because of what I've said, because I might be wrong.

[MtnTime2896]

I was pretty suicidal prior to being in the hospital, that's the real reason I went. I do understand what you're taking about, though. Being in the hospital, they taught me techniques to better control the panic attacks and understand when reality is reality and not a dream. They taught me a few other things to better keep my mind from going down the suicidal rabbit hole. With all of this, I still have to deal with my trauma. I still have to endure the flashbacks, the dissociation, the anxiety, the depression and everything else I was dealing with before. The only difference is now I know techniques to help me get through each day. I had a great doctor and discharge planner that helped me understand techniques but also said that it was something that I was going to have to cope with until it isn't so intense later in life. PTSD isn't something that will ever truly go away, it can't be cured. However, you can learn to cope and manage it. I know at this point, I'm not ready for the forgiveness aspect of this process. That's probably going to be the most difficult part.

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I was pretty suicidal prior to being in the hospital, that's the real reason I went. I do understand what you're taking about, though. Being in the hospital, they taught me techniques to better control the panic attacks and understand when reality is reality and not a dream. They taught me a few other things to better keep my mind from going down the suicidal rabbit hole. With all of this, I still have to deal with my trauma. I still have to endure the flashbacks, the dissociation, the anxiety, the depression and everything else I was dealing with before. The only difference is now I know techniques to help me get through each day. I had a great doctor and discharge planner that helped me understand techniques but also said that it was something that I was going to have to cope with until it isn't so intense later in life. PTSD isn't something that will ever truly go away, it can't be cured. However, you can learn to cope and manage it. I know at this point, I'm not ready for the forgiveness aspect of this process. That's probably going to be the most difficult part.

You sound really good. I'm really happy for you. I don't believe people who are suicide actually want to die. I think they just want the pain to stop. It's excellent they were able to help you so much and so quickly. I agree with you, forgiveness is secondary to getting yourself to a better place in your mind. Best of luck with your recovery.