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#1
Apr 02, 2018, 01:45 PM
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I has just realised that my ex wife has been mentally abusing me and our two kids for years. We were dysfunctional for a long time. My kids, now adults, won't speak to me, or each other but regard their mother as the only one they can trust. It's taken me half my life to realise that this wasn't my fault. I can't prove anything, no crime has been committed. But she has caused me a lot of emotional pain. At the very least, I'd like my kids to talk to me again. My question is this: What if anything can I do to achieve that goal? Thanks
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 Wild Coyote
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#2
Apr 03, 2018, 06:59 PM
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Have you spoken with them about wanting to maintain a relationship?
I see this is your first post. 
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| Wild Coyote
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 Wild Coyote
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#3
Apr 18, 2018, 08:58 AM
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Hi crusader759,
Welcome and congratulations on your realization! That is huge! I suggest you get yourself in great mental health. I suggest therapy to help undo some of what you learned in your dysfunctional marriage. You kids learned dysfunction too, but you can't fix them. However, if you role-model getting healthy, being happy, learning new ways--they may be drawn to you. They'll want what they see you living. Does that make sense? Hope so... I wish you well on your journey... 
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| Wild Coyote
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| Wild Coyote
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#4
Apr 19, 2018, 04:23 PM
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Welcome to psych central
__________________
 Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg 
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| Wild Coyote
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| Wild Coyote
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#5
Apr 19, 2018, 05:06 PM
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Hello crusader: Welcome to PsychCentral!
 I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.  I don't know, of course, if you're just here seeking suggestions with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us.  However, should you be planning to continue on, (we hope you do) may I suggest you introduce yourself over on our New Members Introductions forum? Here's a link:https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/ My personal thinking, with regard to your concern, is that there may not be a lot you can do to get your kids to talk to you again.  And, in fact, trying too hard may well simply drive them further away. I think if you've made your desire known, & you do what you can to keep in touch during the holidays, on their birthdays, etc. this may be about as much as you can do at this point. Beyond that, the ball really is in their court, so to speak.  You may simply have to wait & see if they come to you.  I don't know what your ex-wife's abuse stemmed from, of course. However here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of narcissistic abuse that may be of interest: https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...-relationship/ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...e-counterpart/ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narci...use-pt-1-of-2/ https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narci...use-pt-2-of-2/ I wish you well...
__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
| Wild Coyote
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| Wild Coyote
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#6
Apr 19, 2018, 05:40 PM
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Welcome to PC
__________________
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| Wild Coyote
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| Wild Coyote
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#7
Apr 20, 2018, 05:10 AM
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Hi crusader!
 Welcome to PC. I am sorry for all you are going through. How heartbreaking to have family members not talking to one another. You have your work cut out for you. The first order of business, I agree, is getting as healthy as possible. Lots of good suggestions offered above.I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking. Please make yourself at home. Jump in wherever you feel led to do so. Your first 5 posts are approved by a moderator before they appear. After 5 approved posts, you will also have access to chatrooms and to the Private Messaging (PM) system. I hope to see you around the forums.  WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. 
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