Has your place in your family affected you in any unique way(s)

I have two siblings -- a sister (6.5 years my senior) and a brother (5.5 years my senior). Where do you place among your siblings, if you have any? Though I know we are surely born programmed to have generally a certain type of personality, do you think your place among your siblings (or as an only child) affected you in any ways psychologically? If so, how? I know our parents themselves and other factors can affect us, too.

I have a half brother, but was raised as an only child. None of the stereotypes applied. I wasnt spoiled as we were very poor. I wasnt gushed over or driven to succeed or any of that stuff. I dont think the fact that I was an only meant anything until both of my parents were gone and suddenly I felt all alone in the world. That caused me a lot of pain.

My place in my family has had an enormous impact on my life. I was born to middle-aged parents. My sisters were 15 and 18 years older than I. Until age 7 I was adored by my family, fussed over, and well cared for. That gave me good confidence.


Then my parents suddenly divorced, my oldest sister was married, and my middle sister moved out. Life turned upside down for me. I was left, the only one, to care for my mother - who had become quite mentally disturbed from my father leaving the marriage. My mother also had severe cardiac illness. She could be loving in one moment, absolutely insanely psychotic (truly) in the next moment. My father and sisters kind of disappeared, more or less. My mother remarried, a man who was also mentally unwell and very abusive.

I had nephews and nieces that were much closer in age to me than to my sisters. I loved being an aunt.

For the past 20 years, since the rest of my original family members (including aunts, uncles, etc.) people have been dying. Lost all my grandparents, aunts, uncles when I was quite young. I was 25 when my father died and 42 when my mother died. I lost my precious (middle) sister last year. Being so much younger than the rest of the family, the losses came early in my life.

I am the youngest of three girls. My parents divorced when I was a toddler. Mother was a sadistic psychopath and both of my sister happily became her thugs. I was helpless and developed Clinical Depression, Complex PTSD and almost complete amnesia from my childhood. I barely remember anything from my childhood, having blanked it out. I know that my situation is not rare; there has to be millions like me.

I am blessed to have been born here in the US. I would never have gotten this far if I had been born in a country that did not offer mental health services to low income clients. I would have killed myself out of sheer despair to get away from them.

I'm the oldest, 2 younger brothers below me. I was adopted because they thought they couldn't have kids. Well, surprise, the prince was born.

My "place" in my family has very much affected me. Whether my parents will admit it or not, they definitely treated my first brother better than me - my father is guilty of this the most by far. That kid got everything he asked for. Sometimes he did some work for it, sometimes he didn't. My dad couldn't say "no" to him. But he could say "no" to me, and could beat me and treat me overall very poorly compared to my brother.

I tried with the youngest brother to be a good role model and help him with things, but in his late teens he became very hateful of everyone except the prince (and even sometimes the prince if the prince didn't give him his way). He still is very hateful and talks crap about me and other family behind our backs, but apparently the prince has told him not to do that.

I'm basically the outcast of the family. I'm the one with mental issues, of which only my mom really understands, and even she only knows a small bit of what I really deal with. I'm anti-social, partially because I don't like typical social activities (like parties, drinking, etc), but also because I struggle with social anxiety and MI. My first brother at least helps me with car things and if he's having a get together he will invite me.

As the oldest I should have been the first to get normal adult things done and been the role model for my younger brothers, like getting a good job, moving out on my own, and finding a mate. It took me until I was 27 (I'm almost 30) to move out on my own and I still have to borrow money from my parents once in a while. I have no mate or prospects - have never had an IRL relationship, and my last online one was when I was 21... Both of my brothers went into the Navy as soon as they could and got out on their own much faster than I. First brother is married and has been for a year or so now, they have a kid. He's 27 now. Second brother may as well be married, he's in a very serious relationship with a gal and they are planning on getting engaged when she is done with college. He's going to be 21 on the 4th. And here I am... Barely making it on my own and doomed to die alone. My role in the family is the loser everyone can point at and say "I'm glad I'm not her".

I'm so sorry. Your situation sounds like it causes you immense pain. I'm wondering if you've ever considered communicating with your birth mother?

What a hell. It's rough enough to have an abusive mother, but for your sisters to turn on you....that seems worst of all.

My sisters actually protected me from our mother when I was very young, then warned me about her when I was older. Strangely, I was more forgiving of her behavior than my sisters were. Maybe it's because my mom was older during my growing-up years.

I have considered it, but because I know a lot already - like how she's scum and so was my birth father - I have been able to stave off what little curiosity I have in finding them. (For those curious I have more details in the thread I made in the BPD forum regarding adoption, I don't care to write it out again.) The only thing at this point that would make me feel better about her is if I found out she had improved her life and become a better person. I would feel much worse if I found she was still the same person, worse, or even dead, so at this point I'm not ready to know more because there's too much risk if I find unsavory information.

I’m the youngest by a lot. This put me in an only child role once my sisters moved out. My mother really worked me over to mold me into what she wanted. I’ve taken the brunt of her abuse and manipulation because of my position.

But, now that I’ve figured this out, I drew my boundaries and I don’t let her control me any more. She’s old, mentally ill, toxic. But she’s my mother and I try to be kind and not fight with her anymore.

I completely understand. It sounds like you've really thought it through and have made the wisest decision. I will check out your thread in BPD.

Oh, wow. Our situations sound very similar.

I think my birth order and only status gets complex and bizarre. I had a mentor years ago who said that I don't behave like an only when I had mentioned it years ago. So here goes.

I'm the only child by my mother and father. I was born with a cleft lip and palette so my mother didn't want to take the chances with genetic roullette and have more. That created some medical expenses so mom actually found some night work waitressing with my dad's teaching salary. I spent a large amount of time growing up at my grandparent's. My gram said that she enjoyed having me around so much as she was about to empty nest and was going through menopause and other health issues like diabetes and high blood pressure. I rather attached to her. My uncle was still living with them and began college, hence him kind of watching out for me my whole life.

My parents divorced when I was 9/10. It was bitter and dramatic. My dad wound up with custody. Mom quickly remarried. My dad though making sure I was signed up for every possible activity under the son was well kind of absent and these days dcf probably would have had a field day for the amount of times he'd take off evenings to the race track or galavanting in the dating scene. Mom had me 3 out of 4 weekends. And vacations, vacations were more with my grandparents. My mom moved 2 states over to where I am now when I was 11/12. My dad became really unstable and unsettling. We moved about 7 times between the ages of 13-15. My grandfather became ill around the age of 14. He passed when I was 17. My dad met my stepmom when I was 14, and moved us in with her. She had a 15 year old son and 12 year old daughter. They married when I was 15 and she discovered she was pregnant with her 3rd child. About 1.5months before the baby was born there was chaos and drama and I was told to pack my bags. My mom and stepdad picked me up. That was also a couple of weeks before I turned 16. Cruel words were said, such as good luck with her you are going to need it. And poof. Am I an only child or oldest born to my father? I don't quite know. I'm no apple in his eye, undoubtedly but not deservingly.
My gram has seen better days as she's in a rehab hospital after breaking her hip. My mom has passed as has my stepdad.
My uncle is getting ready for retirement and attending to his bucket list items.
I have some good bonds with some friends. I'm raising three sons and stay in contect with some of my cousins.
My half sister has some mh illnesses that have been in full swing. I question my own father's mh.
I've been affected in my ability to trust which I have to stay mindful of. I have an underlying dormant illness. And sometimes I realize my aloneness in this world. I've learned how to make allies.
I get very stressed where there used to be anger and resentment. Sometimes I feel like I've been handed the short stick and forgotten about. I tend to attract men that can be protective to a possessive flaw. Or I bring out the insecurities through my being sometimes withdrawn. It affects that side of me. I guess? It affects me in motherhood because I try to not do those things that pained me so horrendously.

I am the eldest of two - and the standard stereotype did and has always applied. While I could do nothing right and was constantly in trouble he was the darling baby who could do no wrong. As an adult this glaring difference in our treatment by primarily my mother is as bad as ever. I have gone through a great deal of crises in my life including living hand to mouth on assistance. I have never seen a dime from my parents. My little brother on the other hand is 49, has a great job, still goes to them for money and bailouts. Meanwhile he has never lifted a hand while I have been expected to help out around the house regularly.

I have a great deal of issues regarding my self worth and low opinion of myself. After 50 years of being told I wasn't good enough I of course believe it to the point of it being debilitating.

I’m the youngest in my family. I spent a lot of quality time with my mom when I would get out of preschool in the morning and my siblings would still be at school. I did a lot of shopping and running errands with my mom. I feel like all that quality time is part of the reason I’m closer to my mom then my siblings are.

for me, I was always the "outcast sibling"

though I was born an only child, I later had a brother and sister- and despite my mother abusing all of us equally, she treated my brother and sister with a bit more inclusion

like when it would come to family events they would have a part in it, and I'd be locked in my room unable to take part- not allowed too.

several times I was told I didn't deserve a family, didn't belong in one

played a huge impact in my lack of experience of the worldd

I guess also that now we don't have contact (accept for abuse), I won't be involved in any future life events- like if my brother and sister married or anything like that

not that I'd want to be part of it anyway, not after how I've been treated by them