A question.

I have a question that is directed more toward the ladies.

I am a psychology student and one of my areas of interest (and probable area of work) is in relationship/couples counseling, treatment of depression, a whole list of other issues, cases of abuse and so on in women. Essentially everything from difficult relationships, getting better after an abusive relationship, treatment of assault/rape victims and other such issues.

I have never really been able to ask this question of a group that actually knows from experience so I figured that I will sate my curiosity and just ask. Profs always tell you things will be fine and to just remain professional, and the other students that I talk to are women but have not had any real experience as a patient. They have played the role to learn what it is like but have not actually had the disorders that will have a profound effect on these things. (Abuse cases are an example of this, having this happen will have a huge effect on you. My fellow students have not experienced this so have no real idea what it is like having to deal with it and talk about it.)

I am a guy, my question is simple.

As a woman does it bother you to have a male therapist? Do you find yourself being more self conscious of what you say or even less willing do talk about certain subjects, even if they are something that is bothering you or may help in your treatment?

I am curious about these sorts of things because of my hopeful area of study and work. I would like to get some opinions from real people who have been there and know what it is like. I want to use this information to hopefully make myself a better practitioner when that day comes.

Please, if you will, give me your thoughts and opinions from a womans perspective of having a male therapist. What your experiences have been, advice for me in being a better therapist to women, how to create a better environment and so on. In short, whatever you think will be helpful I would like to know.

Thank you for your time.

I have never been in an abuse situation. But I have been to both male and female therapists and have no problem with either gender. To me, it's whether I can build a rapport with them, and whether I think I can trust them. It has nothing to do with whether they're male or female.

FYI - I am 52 and grew up in the generation where all doctors were male, so that may have something to do with my willingness to accept male therapists.

Personally, it does bother me to have a male therapist at this time in my life.

I've had a male therapist when I went through DBT, and that went fine, but it was very hard for me to talk with him and share some of the deeper stuff. And I didn't feel as connected with him as I do with my female Ts.

This being said, not every female has the issue with a male T, and the fact that I do has nothing to do with the male T. It's my issues. I am uncomfortable with males no matter their title. It comes from my trauma background and the fact that most of my abusers have been males, among a few other things.

I think it's great that you want to work in the area that you are going in to. There will be plenty of females, and males that will find that you suit their needs just fine.

The only thing I have to offer you is, as a male T, you may run into some uncomfortable transference/counter-transference issues. If this happens...and I'm pretty sure it will at least once....please do the ethical thing and deal with it with your clients professionally. Remember the therapeutic boundaries and always put your clients best interests first before yours.

Always remember the first rule of any care provider is to do no harm.

I admire and appreciate the fact that you have the sense enough to ask the tough questions of the people who know.

Good luck to you!!

I think it will depend on the individuals state of mind after the incident, how they feel about men, the fear of judgment, etc.
My therapist (who I've seen for 12 years) is a woman and I feel more comfortable talking to her, but it may also because she met one of my abusers first hand, I don't have to explain things. I have seen male professionals before, and with some topics I have no problem, but when it gets really touchy I do feel uncomfortable. Not just out of fear of judgment, but because I feel, I don't know, 'gross'. I am uncomfortable being alone with men in general so it kind of fuels it.

My advice would be that no matter what is said, even if it is something that is offensive to you, hold your judgment. Don't take it as a full attack, because sometimes things that are said aren't 'meant'. I don't talk about certain feelings of my own because of backlash. But I know that the way I feel isn't necessarily what I KNOW. It's like it's an instinct for me to feel certain ways in certain situations and it makes me feel as though I actually believe it to be true. When I get judged or presume I'm getting judged I feel like such a terrible person for something I can't exactly help.

I hope that helps slightly...

I haven't been in an abuse situation, but suffered from major depression, which was the first time I saw a psychologist. I continued to see her after I landed up in hospital with an OD, and a while after that. She has been my only therapist, and I think i'd personally feel more comfortable with a female.
They seem more empathetic (Sorry to stereotype) and I feel they can understand emotions a whole lot better as they have experienced them first-hand

Thank you guys for the replies so far.

I do understand it being easier to talk to a female therapist. In my own therapy I found that it was easier to talk about certain issues with a woman. I did PTSD therapy with a guy and that was fine but when it came time to talk about my difficulties with my wife dying and then going through counseling to get back to a place where I could have a relationship. Well, that was noticeably easier with a woman therapist.

For me it was the odd feeling that if I told a guy some of those more personal aspects of my relationship with my wife, well it was kind of like telling the "buddies" information they didn't need to know. For some reason that feeling never came up with any of the lady psychologists that I have seen.

Oh, I also wanted to clear a thing up. I won't only be treating female clients. There will be guys too, it is just that I don't have any understanding of what these things are like from the woman's perspective. Also the fact that I am a guy has been a question that has been on my mind for a while in terms of my ability to create a comfortable setting, an open dialog, and offer the best treatment possible. I just want to gain as much insight as I can to try to be the best clinician I can be because I know what it is like sitting in the patient chair and dealing with that sort of stuff.

[QUOTE]The only thing I have to offer you is, as a male T, you may run into some uncomfortable transference/counter-transference issues./QUOTE]

Someone has looked at a bit of psychology information themselves. Thank you much for the concern and advice. I know that this is a reality, in fact it is expected to happen relatively often. I would not allow anything of this nature to become inappropriate. It doesn't help the client and it doesn't help me. It can cost me my relationships, my reputation and my license. That would be a quick way to throw many years of hard work, the trust of those I care about and the respect of my friends right out the window. The cost of doing anything other than following ethics and remaining professional is much too high. On the side of the client, if allowed to progress too far these sort of things can only lead to more problems, that is in effect hurting them and isn't to be tolerated.

I want to help people get better, not do more damage so I will stick to the ethics and do what is best for the patients. I know that is what I have asked and expected out of those who have helped me. That is what I expect out of myself when I am in their situation.

Anyway, keep the replies coming. The information so far has been pretty good.

In my experience, I can frustrate both genders with about equal regularity. I early on was labeled a difficult client and now have been told I have treatment resistant depression. Women therapists seem to want to try for a longer time to help. Two of the male therapists just told me they could not help me and got up and left. I has had very intense encounters since I sometimes asked if they could help me or not. I did not expect instant gratification but did feel I had the right to expect at least some progress.

Good luck.

I think more important than gender is the personality of the therapist! I am pretty sure you would be a kind, understanding, and empathetic and hard working therapist, which is what TRULY matters!

The other day I think I just read an article about a possible new treatment for treatment resistant depression. If I remember correctly they found some combination or variation on a medication that seems to be effective. I wish I could remember more now, or even where I read it.

I can't say how close it might be to being on the market but it might be something worth asking about if you see a doc. Just doing a quick search I only found Symbyax but I don't think that was it. It is a combination antidepressant (SSRI/Prozac) and an anti-psychotic (Zyprexa) that was designed to treat this disorder but I do not know how effective it is.

I wish I could give you more detailed information.

Thank you all for the replies/

I can say that I would not be comfortable having a male T. I have a very hard time being around males anyway, to be in a room alone with one is panic inducing. I recieve therapy through the local DV shelter, and they use interns from the local colleges. There was a male intern who walked into the room where I was for group and I about went through the roof. While I was in the hospital, I had to talk with a male psychologist. I was very apprehensive, and my body language showed it.

I would not be able to talk about my abuse with a male, it has taken me 2 1/2 yrs to be comfortable enough to talk about the really bad parts with my Ts. I am very self-conscious, and after being told things by my abuser, it is worse.

Sorry to be blunt here, but I would never have a male therapist. Just like I would never have a male gynecologist. I am just more comfortable with women, whether this has anything to do with my abuse I do not know. Also, as someone else stated, this might be stereotyping but women just seem to be more sympathetic, caring, and willing to listen.

That doesn't mean anything against you personally though, I am sure there are many women out there who don't mind going to a male therapist, but it is just not for me. I think you should just try to be as welcoming, inviting, and sympathetic as you can and you will be fine. I also have a girlfriend who goes to the same clinic as I do (which has multiple psychologists) and she has told me that she actually prefers to see a man, so it's just individual preference and possibly the influence of abuse by a male. I don't even feel comfortable being in a car with a guy that I know and I am friends with and that I trust almost completely, but again that is just me.

Well, I believe that it all depends on if you connect with that therapist. I have actually had both (male & female) and really have had a good connection and bad connection with both. So, in my opinion, it all has to do with the way you and the therapist connect, not the gender.

I am new to this forum and I am just happy that I found somewhere that I can actually talk to people that have some of the same issues that I have and hope to get some honest opinions about some of the things that I do to people, including myself.

Thank you

It is perfectly understandable to feel the way you ladies do. I don't feel the least bit bad that you feel the way you do and neither should you.

This is exactly the kind of information that I am looking for. I don't take any personal offense from it. I know that not everyone will be comfortable with a male T. That is expected. I am just looking for opinions and advise to help me do better for my patients when I get to that point.

Please, keep being honest. I prefer that over the sugar coated stuff some people have tried to feed me about what it will be like treating real people.

Once again, thank you so much for your replies, they really are helping.