Feedback

I'd like some feedback on this. Is it wrong for a woman to want to be with someone a lot and not seem too needy or clingy? If a woman wants to be affectionate towards a man, and he sees it as she's too aggressive or needy. I don't understand this. I'd just like some feedback on this. Thanks

Hi Deborah 35!

From what I understand from your post; you want to know whether a man liks a woman who is"needy", and "Clingy". I hope I got that right??

From experience, I know that in my life, the answer is a definite No.

Men like women who can take care of themselves, are independant of mind, have their own way of doing things...............

and most of all---love and need themselves more than anyone else. .......be well, theo

Affectionate does not have to equate to needy. Talk it out with him. If he's important to you and you're important to him, then you need to work it out. Usually it's a matter of style and communication...

I do not think there is one answer to the question. Whether it is appropriate depends on the preferences of the people involved.

Speaking from experience as being a needy, clingy woman, I found that most men preferred an independent and confident person. When I slipped into the dependent mode, men would find it sweet at first but they quickly tired of my many phone calls, leaning on them, barely giving them room to move, and my act of general helplessness. This part of my personality, I now know is part of my bpd and doesn't say who I really am. It has been a slow process in my development, but I don't seem to need the confirmation of "belonging" to someone. I can have my own opinions without worrying whether my husband will approve or not, because I am confident that he will respect my decisions. These are not the 'good old days' where men take of women. These are the days when men and women take care of each other. When I slip back into the mode of a clingy person, I check my mental status and usually find that my anxiety is going out of control. Most days I find that I enjoy being independent; my confidence soars and it shows when I interact with others. These are the attractive qualities that brings people to me. Not the tears, hanging on his arm, doing everything for him, and giving up my identity. I'm not sure this answers your question but I hope it gives you something to think about. Celebrate who you really are. Keep the faith.

Theodora,

It's hard for me to say what I'm trying to say I guess. I know what I want to say, I just can't put it into words. I wasn't referring to a woman being clingy or needy, and if a man likes it or not, I was wondering why it seems that some men see it as that when a woman wants to get affectionate or wants to spend alot of time together. I guess it depends on both people in the relationship. For example if I wanted to spend time with this person, I wouldn't want them to see me as clingy. I couldn't help it if I enjoyed their company so much that I wanted to be around them a lot. I agree CindyLuWho, that affectionate does not have to equal to needy.

People have boundaries. Each of us has different ones at least to some degree. Talking about his boundaries should allay your concerns.

Good luck.

I see. Sometimes I read these silly articles on stuff like this on Yahoo or something. One was where a guy told a woman he was involved with for about 6 months, told her that he was introverted and only could stand to be around her for so long, then he needed to be alone. He also said that he can go weeks sometimes wanting to be alone. I'm thinking I don't think I could be with someone like that, hot & cold. What do you all think? Is it wrong if I felt this way about someone?

Deborah35, ultimately, it does not matter what others think or do as long as you and your friend mutually agree what is appropriate for the two of you.

Byzantine,

This is not in reference to anyone in particular, just by reading those articles on yahoo. I was commenting on other people's posts thinking if it was me, what I would do or not do. Thanks for commenting though.

It's a Goldilocks issue. This amount of affection and spending time is too little, this amount is too much and this amount is just right - what just right is depends upon the person. Sounds like your 'just right' is his 'too clingy'.

Agree.
And if this truly is the case, then it'd be a good idea for you both to discuss this thoroughly. Although, again, if this is the case, I wouldn't hope for too much and you just may want to begin to consider other possibilities?...(just a thought....)

I wish you the best in your choice.

Shangrala

Again, this is not about any particular situation. It's just in general.

I had to read this again to be able to offer a more generalized response, (since that is what you were requesting....).

I don't think it's wrong for a woman to desire being in the company of a man without seeming too needy/clingy. Of course not.
Unfortunately, though, he may not perceive her choice of his company of such desire that he can't get past it as a "choice" of hers, but instead, interprets it as a need, perhaps?

This is really hard to answer as it involves two people with two opinions?
I hope that helped some?

Shangrala

I'd like to get some of the men's opinions on here too, thanks.

It really varies with the people involved, sometimes relationships, even friendships can become all encompassing for people. In other cases not so much. I think people who form a relationship have to be very careful about compatability in this area.