Caseworker & other housing program dont understand how complex my issues are

First of all, the housing program I live in is for people with psych issues. I was once again recently approached by a man in this same program who is interested in and wants to go out with me. He even wrote me a 3+ page letter and gave me a teddy bear. His behavior and such request for fraternization are against the program rules. I have PTSD and my emotional reactions are unstable. Consequently, I had tears last night and tonight. I told someone on staff here and showed her the note and teddy bear. She said that I am "a big girl" and can deal with it, with what he is doing. So now I sit here in my room with tears in my eyes! (To top things off, I've been having bad dreams and told her this also cuz it only contributes to emotional reactions.)I mentioned how what the man said bothered me so much last night. I dont know how to get the staff to understand! i feel like running away. I feel like I only belong with other people like me who have PTSD and not living with a broad spectrum of the DSM. I have tried talking to staff--but to tell me that I am "a big girl"?! When I have PTSD and have unstable emotions?! How do I get them to understand?!

Sorry that this is happening Inky......talk about feeling invalidated eh?

Yes, you may be a big girl, but what's wrong with offering a little help to you in dealing with it?

Why not print out what you just posted and hand it to the person in charge? Maybe you can add to it by saying you are looking for some helpful advice on how to deal with this man? You can always quote the house rules regarding fraternization as well.

I do realize that communal living can be difficult and things slip through the cracks. Many times, workers are overworked and don't have enough time in the day to handle every persons issues.....but it only takes a moment to validate and give a bit of advice. I hope they can help you turn this around. Please don't run without giving them a chance okay?

Wishing you well!

Hi Inky!

It sounds as if you are being triggered by this man and they aren't enforcing the rules of no fraternization. Have you pointed out that he is breaking the rules to someone?

They certainly should be enforcing the rules at least. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Maybe the man can be a friend, instead of being a suitor. Can you write him a letter back explaining your feelings once you have them sorted out?

Sorry you are going through this sending big huggs your wayThats crazy thats why you are under there care for them too help you.

Oh, I'm sorry... that's a terrible attitude she has. I hope you're feeling better today? I'd write a letter, pointing out that the "no fraternising rule" needs to be reinforced. Maybe you should give it to this woman's supervisor? I know this must be hard to do when you're feeling vulnerable anyway. Look after yourself.

Hey how did you end up in this place I did not know they have these kind of living places

Inkblot I have been sitting there trying to think of a way to word this that does not sound harsh and unsupportive, but please hear me out before you make that judgment.

I am very sure that your caseworker and staff probably do not understand how complex your issues are. I’m equally sure that they are doing the very best that they can to accommodate everyone. And on what I am sure is a very long list of issues they must deal with every single minute of every day, this problem must seem very minor to them. I’m not saying that the problem is minor, but in the big picture a love letter and gift compared to violence and other issues this one doesn’t rate very high on the priority list.

To YOU this is a major issue and your feelings are valid. But you are not a country unto yourself. You live in a world full of triggers, we all do. Even if you were to fall into millions of dollars tomorrow, those triggers will still be there. You will never be able to insulate yourself entirely from them. Even if you surround yourself with others that you think are just like you and understand you, issues will arise.

I’m sorry that you feel like running away, but there is nowhere you can run to that will make these things go away. It sounds like you’re finally in a safe place. Please reach out and ask your caseworker for resources to help YOU deal with your issues and teach you some coping skills.

It sounds like the staff needs some sensitivity training. In all probability this man had no idea what giving you that letter and gift would do to you. So ask the staff and caseworker HOW to deal with the fact that the man is giving you unwanted attention and it is against the rules. What should you do if you do not feel comfortable dealing with him directly? What should you do if he does not respect your refusal?