[whenwillitend]

I belong to an online mom's group, all of our now 2year olds were born in the same month of the same year. The group is on facebook. Usually they are all super supportive of each other.

Well, my son has a heart defect, that might be getting worse. For our insurance, we need a referral to go back to the Cardiologist. So right now I'm waiting for that referral to get approved. And we're talking a few days here, not months.

Anyway, so now I'm getting bashed for waiting for that referral! They're saying things like "Well, if it was MY baby, I would go outside my insurance, and even if it means massive debt, I wouldn't wait on the insurance", "It is way past time to be more proactive", "This is not the time to sit back and wait", all kinds of hurtful things, just short of calling me a bad mother for waiting on my insurance.

It is so easy to judge someone when you're not in their shoes, and they should be very very thankful that they're not. I'm having such a hard time right now, and I really needed some support, not a bashing.

[Lostime]

If they know how the medical bureaucracy work they would know it takes time to get the paper work done, sometimes people are so ignorant nnnnnr.

Don't feel bad darling.

I wish you and your son the best, whenwillitend.

[Fresia]

You are doing exactly what you need to be doing in the care of your child and there is NO doubt of the care and love you have for him. Referrals do not take long and you can have an appointment set up in the meantime to get in; it can always be moved (back or up depending) but to make sure it is lined up in the interim. Also if you do not hear from the primary care doc office in a couple of days about the referral, follow-up with them to make sure they call to to bug the insurance company; you can also call the insurance company too to make sure they received it and are processing it. Stay on them.

It is hard but ignore the people on Facebook, truly, unless you are up to confronting them to let them know unless they are in the same position, they can stop judging. Judging may make them feel better, but as you said, you are in a different position. I don't know that everyone considers what they say before they speak sometimes or even before they type, and casting stones is easy when you are behind a wall and not facing it. You hang in there and do what you need to do. You and your family are in my thoughts, sending well wishes your way. Hang in there!!!!

[Visioneer]

You are doing everything you can do as a mom, whether or not those people realize it. Not everyone has the resources to put their entire family in danger financially, which could have severe repercussions, like they are suggesting. I think you decision is responsible and reasonable, and with good foresight, all things considered. Your facebook friends are saying things they wouldn't understand, and would have to cross that bridge if they came to it, just like you have.

I hope the days pass quickly for you, and get some good news from the cardiologist, and your son will be treated promptly and be healthy.

[whenwillitend]

Thank you all! It's good to know that someone understands.

As for making the appt, I have to have the referral in place first.

I will call my doctor's office when they open (they're open every day), to make sure they put it in. I can check the status of the referral online on my insurance's website. It will be listed once it's approved.

And really, if my doctor was that worried about it she'd have sent him to the Cardiologist immediately instead of putting a regular referral in. She is worried about it, but I guess it's not a life or death situation.

I'm just really hurt by those women.

[AvidReader]

I'm sorry that happened, whenwillitend. You know what's best for your own son, and those other moms should not be so judgmental. Also, like you said, if the physician truly thought your son were in imminent danger, then he or she would have taken immediate action.

<shaking my head> Some people are so quick to offer insensitive and/or hurtful "advice."

I hope everything goes OK with your son. I had to take mine to a cardiologist, too, when he was 5 because he had an "innocent" heart murmur, but we wanted to be absolutely sure nothing else was going on.

Best wishes!

[Perna]

They're ignorant, don't pay them any mind! If it were a procedure your child needed right now, yes, I imagine you too would go outside slow insurance but you want to just see the cardiologist you saw before, get an examination to start getting any future help your child may need.

Their advice doesn't make sense, even to them if they think about it! It's fine to "go outside insurance to get help" but go where? You want to pick a doctor out of a hat to see or wait until your pediatrician/health insurance recommends someone appropriate? He's not needing open heart surgery tomorrow; just a good checkup appointment from a specialist!

[lynn P.]

I agree with all of the posts, that you have a right to feel bothered and should follow what you want to do, which means waiting for a referral and not paying out of your pocket. Since this is a mothers group, I would imagine they're kind of intense to begin with, as with any kind of group that's formed online or in a commmunity. It's also so easy to make quick judgements especially when we hear about a dreaded heart condition - this would naturally make some helicopter mom's want to sell stuff just to get this appointment done lol. If they really had to be in your shoes and financially strapped, then they would probably do what you're doing. Like Perna said this isn't an emergency, life saving split second decision and if it was I'm sure you would go outside your insurance. In the end this is you and your families decision and I think it's the right one.

[protector1973]

put people like that straight, tell them to **** off. move on

[silverbells]

Mothers are insane. I can't share my mother stories with you - they're just too mind-bogglingly upsetting. Perhaps the office manager at the MD's office could help? I've ALWAYS had wonderful luck, either with a really good nurse or the office manager. Sometimes they can navigate the system in ways we couldn't fathom. And sometimes (not always - it seems to depend on the person and the atmosphere in the office) they really seem to enjoy helping - like they're trapped in their office and love the opportunity to make things run smoothly when they can.

[whenwillitend]

Thank you all for your support! I'm so glad I"m not the only one who thinks they're out of line. I'm going to stay away from them for a while, and then decide if I want to go back or not.

[tohelpafriend]

I would try to get your own cardiologist and ask for a payment plan, especially if it is urgent care the child needs.

[whenwillitend]

The referral is approved now, and first thing tomorrow morning I'm going to call the Cardiologist and make the appt.

[whenwillitend]

Ugh, I tried to talk to them, and one of them sent me a message saying that I have too many negative posts. Well, with all the stuff that has happened recently, what does she expect?? My life is not all rainbows and unicorns. But I guess their support is only for the "in-crowd".

I tore my Achilles tendon yesterday (luckily not completely), and now I'm hobbling around on crutches. Yep, another negative thing in my life.

[Fresia]

Great news about the referral to get an appointment! But talk about fair weather friends.... there's something I'd add to that to tell them but it's not appropriate. However, if there were only good things to say about our lives, it wouldn't be life, good with the bad and all. Your luck is changing already with the referral to see the specialist, good news!!

However, bad with the good now; I'm SO sorry to hear about your tendon, but glad it is not completely torn, that is good news. I tore mine once and the doc said to definitely stay off of it, to use those crutches, and to prop it up whenever you can, and iced. I found lying on my side was easier by having it up on pillows between my legs, rather than on my back propping it up; it seemed to put less pressure and weight on it. Wishing you a VERY speedy recovery! Hang in there!! This will pass.