[radio_flyer]

Last night AJ didn't get off of work until 10pm... He has a deadline on a project and everyone is expected to work overtime to meet the deadline....

He was exhausted. He asked me to make sure he is up this morning.. Since I still make breakfast, that was not big deal.......Normal routine in morning Is I call him and if he doesn't pick up his cell, I wait a bit and then bang on the heating vent that is in his bedroom.. When I hear a "stomp" on the floor, that means he is up.. So this morning I heard a the thump on the floor.. Figured he was up....

AJ always lets his dog outside when he gets up.. SO his dog comes down for breakfast and this also means AJ is up.... right?

NOOOOOOOOOO 8:40 I go upstairs, his girlfriend is getting dressed for work and AJ just got up....Turns out, she thumped on the floor.. SHe let the dog out. Which was all the signals that AJ is up.. AND she let AJ sleep... She knows the "routine" and she deliberately let me think AJ was up and she let AJ sleep...

I am thinking since AJ didn't make a big deal that she got home last night at 1am, I guess she wanted to start something this morning.. She acted all innocent... LIKE "what"? kind of attitude... SHE was up and didn't even wake AJ..AND SHE knows he can't be late. I swear I think she wants AJ to lose his job.. Yes, I am blaming her... SHe made it look like AJ was up by letting out the dog and thumping on the floor...........Is this evil or what?.

YES , I know AJ is re sponsible for getting up in the mornings. But then when I was married and working, if I got up first, I'd always make sure hubby was up. If hubby got up first, he always made sure I was up.. Neither one of us would just get up and leave for work and let the other one sleep........

I am pissed... This was deliberate. I think she is evil.... I swear there is something with her I just can't put my finger on...But seems she is making it easier for me to figure her up with the things she does...

[mala]

Better ask Michael the Great - he's on the other mental discussion forum.

[radio_flyer]

Not sure I know who Michael the Great is.... If our paths cross, I will be sure to ask him..

[radio_flyer]

Maybe I am the "nut" here. If the neighbor's car lights are on, I knock on their door and tell them the lights are on. If a pot is burning on the stove, and I wasn't the one cooking, I will turn the pot off. If I see a fire in the middle of the floor, I put it out, not walk past it and let it burn. If there is a hole in the yard that is hard to see, I let folks know, not watch them fall in it...If the clerk gives me too much money back, I return it.....Maybe it is me that needs to change. If I see a hungry person, I give them food, and not eat in front of them...Maybe I am the nut here....

[Merlin]

I agree, that sounds like an underhanded thing to do and would aggravate me too.

[KathyM]

Originally Posted by radio_flyer

Maybe I am the "nut" here. If the neighbor's car lights are on, I knock on their door and tell them the lights are on. If a pot is burning on the stove, and I wasn't the one cooking, I will turn the pot off. If I see a fire in the middle of the floor, I put it out, not walk past it and let it burn. If there is a hole in the yard that is hard to see, I let folks know, not watch them fall in it...If the clerk gives me too much money back, I return it.....Maybe it is me that needs to change. If I see a hungry person, I give them food, and not eat in front of them...Maybe I am the nut here....

((radioflyer)) these are good qualities, so don't change. You're a nut, but for other reasons, lol (all good)

If I were in your situation, I'd be angry too. She appears disrespectful and selfish. She may be AJ's girlfriend, and it may be his house - but it's YOUR home. Still, I'd try to stay out of their relationship as much as possible. AJ needs to see this girl for who she is and whether or not she's worth losing his job over - but he needs to see it for himself. If it comes from you, you run the risk of having her turn it around and him blaming you for causing their problems.

[radio_flyer]

Gosh you did it again. Made me smile........ Nuts really isn't all that bad..

I know better than to get in the middle.. What she did was "deliberate".. I don't know if it was to irk AJ or to get AJ irked at me, maybe both .. lol...

The odd thing is she stood in the bathroom putting on her makeup like nothing was wrong. Very weird....Seems she "likes" the tension/fighting. I dunno...

Very seldom do I venture upstairs.. When AJ doesn't come down for breakfast before 8:30, is when I venture up... As for getting in the middle... I know better.. .. I won't even whisper to AJ my opinions on his relationships.. Is all his to "figure out".... Do believe she is spiteful and selfish and a tad evil/psycho. And to think this was the girl I was hoping AJ would marry.. smacks me head with a soft pillow

[mala]

Originally Posted by radio_flyer

Not sure I know who Michael the Great is.... If our paths cross, I will be sure to ask him..

on the forum other mental health discussions, there is a topic called the evil tadpole to which MTG has answered. I think he's an expert on the subject - maybe he works in therapy or something. Anyhoo, it's an opinion.

[arcangel]

No offense but since you brought it up...I don't know AJ's age or personality traits but I'm assuming that AJ is an adult, therefor AJ is (should be) responsible for AJ. Yes, the girlfriend sounds like she "has issues" but unless and until her issues bother AJ enough to cut her loose, she is in the house so to speak. Bottom line...AJ is an adult and needs to assume responsibility for all facets of his life.
This is just an objective observation from someone who doesn't sugarcoat. Take it for what you think it's worth. Good luck to all parties concerned

[radio_flyer]

archangel, no offense taken here.... guess my title line was't the nicest... guess I was irked big time.. I was just spouting. I dunno if she is psycho or not..

Her actions this morning is what got me involved because we all know how aj likes to vent at me and that was exactly what he did, untill i told him well somebody knocked on the floor this morning, alerting me that he was up and about..

Last week, i told them both my plans are to either turn the music on high or get ear plugs because my stomach can't handle any more of their rumbles upstairs.. i am paying the consequences as my stomach has alerted me, no more stress, as the pain gets worse every day...............so that is where i stand with both of them... except for this morning..........i don't want involved in their lives or spats....just wish i'd win the lottery so i could move... lol

In a way, one could say, they deserve each other... As for AJ, i don't get involved in his relationships.........is his choice who he is involved with... if he wants to spend his life fighting and being angry all the time, is again his choice.....but then what she did this morning was rather "tacky" in my opinion........

I only make breakfast because I enjoy cooking breakfast. If he doesn't want to eat it, that again is fine, as me and the "dogs" have no problem gobbling up breakfast...Although aj is responsible for getting himself up in the mornings, i tend to try to "make sure" he is up.. I like it a lot that he is "employed"....

To be honest, I get along with AJ's g/f better than I do with AJ.. I just didn't understand why she did what she did this morning... She treats me a lot better than AJ does.. So I guess it wasn't nice for me to call her evil or psycho......could be that this is one big nut house and those under the roof are all the nuts... Guess it takes one to know one? right?

[arcangel]

Originally Posted by radio_flyer

archangel, no offense taken here.... guess my title line was't the nicest... guess I was irked big time.. I was just spouting. I dunno if she is psycho or not..

Her actions this morning is what got me involved because we all know how aj likes to vent at me and that was exactly what he did, untill i told him well somebody knocked on the floor this morning, alerting me that he was up and about..

Last week, i told them both my plans are to either turn the music on high or get ear plugs because my stomach can't handle any more of their rumbles upstairs.. i am paying the consequences as my stomach has alerted me, no more stress, as the pain gets worse every day...............so that is where i stand with both of them... except for this morning..........i don't want involved in their lives or spats....just wish i'd win the lottery so i could move... lol

In a way, one could say, they deserve each other... As for AJ, i don't get involved in his relationships.........is his choice who he is involved with... if he wants to spend his life fighting and being angry all the time, is again his choice.....but then what she did this morning was rather "tacky" in my opinion........

I only make breakfast because I enjoy cooking breakfast. If he doesn't want to eat it, that again is fine, as me and the "dogs" have no problem gobbling up breakfast...Although aj is responsible for getting himself up in the mornings, i tend to try to "make sure" he is up.. I like it a lot that he is "employed"....

To be honest, I get along with AJ's g/f better than I do with AJ.. I just didn't understand why she did what she did this morning... She treats me a lot better than AJ does.. So I guess it wasn't nice for me to call her evil or psycho......could be that this is one big nut house and those under the roof are all the nuts... Guess it takes one to know one? right?

Yep, but we're all nuts We wouldn't be having this conversation if we weren't lol. I guess I somehow got the idea that it was your house. Being his house makes my reply seem silly. Let me explain...
As a son who was mothered long after I benefited from or was comfortable with being mothered, I was looking at it from AJ's point of view. My misguided point was that it isn't beneficial to AJ's personal growth to be depending on motherly actions.
Sorry for the misunderstanding and I hope it all works out well
Oh don't forget your friends here if that lottery thing works out

[radio_flyer]

Should I be so lucky to win the lottery, I'd be more than happy to share...

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by radio_flyer

Should I be so lucky to win the lottery, I'd be more than happy to share...

If you win the lottery radio flyer, I'll come live with you and you can wake me up in the morning and make me breakfast LOL

[arcangel]

We have it in writing now too but I want specifics...you keep 75% and everyone in this thread splits the other 25%
edit...everyone except Lynn...she gets bed and breakfast

[NuckingFutz]

I think there is a solution here. Sit down with AJ's girl when you are both relaxed and getting along and ask her diplomatically what happened that morning...just you understand the reasoning behind it.

I know you don't want to keep playing mama to him and cleaning up his messes all the time. You have been a very patient and loving mother to AJ.

[ECHOES]

I think you want her to be like you.
But she is who she is. Their relationship is their relationship and how it works is up to them to figure out. Not that they couldn't take in a suggestion about mutual caring and concern and responsibility in relationships and setting mutual priorities, etc.
It is hard to know when to step back and let the chips fall where they may versus being proactive. A moot point maybe, but if they weren't under your roof this would be their issue alone to address. They have to decide what their priorities are, separately and as a couple, and how to ensure that those priorities are honored and worked toward, both separately and as a couple.

[radio_flyer]

Interesting thought, Echoes.. But nah, I don't want her to be like me. I would just like her to wake aj in the mornings, since she is in the same room as aj and most mornings she is up before aj....I don't find any pleasure running upstairs and knocking, then banging on the bedroom door to wake aj.... She reminds me a bit of my younger days, when I was friendly, talkative and high energy..We are similar, yet different, which is good.

For example, the dogs, (2 pugs) ran outside and stood on the patio, watching aj, from afar, flipping out this morning, tossing plastic containers all over the floor. Aj was ranting, screaming I was selfish and that I couldn't even make something for his lunch today.. shrugs shoulders.....Anyway, the look on the dogs faces was precious and made me smile, considedring the turmoil in the kitchen.....Bottom line, AJ treats me like cr ap and believe me, I don't go running about giving him advice on his relationships. I am the last person to give advice to anyone on relationships.

Yup, she is who she is.. No doubt about that... They deserve each other.. And I don't even whisper an opinion to either of them...They want to spend the "good years" their 30s fighting and fussing everyday, is their choice...I don't really care. I am just sick of hearing the fights, as I told them, my plan is to use ear plugs and/or turn the volume on the radio on high. They can fuss and fight and scream and cry all they want...Is as you said, thier choices and their lives..

All I do is make the breakfast and after this morning not sure how much longer I will be doing this... But then if it means helping to get AJ "out the door" for work, means I prob will continue serving breakfast.

I don't intrude in their lives. Dealing with aj is like walking on mine fields.. I prefer to stay on my side of the fence. Maybe with some "luck" my side of the fence will be in totally different "time zone"...

[radio_flyer]

Thanks NuckingFutz... btw I love your nic. I have to be extra careful tho when I type it..

ANYway, is true, mama is tired. Mama prefers gardening than getting involved in AJ's "drama" life with his g/f.. Although she is a drama queen, I do think AJ is the drama king..

Unfortunately, for me to revisit yesterday with AJ's girlfriend would most certainally cause another "drama" episode.. ANd my tummy can't take any more drama..

[radio_flyer]

lynn and arcangel..... Sounds like a plan... 75% would be more than enough for me...... aww we'd give lynn a percent and breakfast..

I don't cook lunch or dinner tho.. I love breakfast food so my breakfasts are yumm. Can't say the same for dinner or lunch.. Am not a great cook...lol

[(JD)]

Hi radio! As for your subject line.... are the two mutually exclusive? Can't she be both?

[Elysium]

Maybe AJ could buy an alarm clock, and be accountable for getting himself up in the morning. Then, it would relieve the stress and frustration off of your shoulders, as you would not feel the need to be responsible for whether AJ's life thrives or fails.

Maybe you could let AJ be responsible for AJ, so you could finally take care of yourself and cut through the co-dependent apron strings. All this time and energy you give up on AJ's life is time and energy you take away from yourself, and you can never get that time back.

How do you benefit from being responsible for AJ's life? What is it you get to avoid facing because you're too busy taking care of everybody else?

I don't think the question is whether she is psycho or evil. I don't think the question has anything to do with her. I think the question is what do you get out of taking care of AJ, is it doing more harm than good to yourself, and is it fair to yourself.

This girl....she is AJ's problem. Not yours.

[radio_flyer]

LOL JD... Actually, I think she is both.

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
And when she was good,
She was very, very good
But when she was bad she was horrid.

Thinks everyone has a bit of evil/psycho in them. As we all have our good sides. She isn't all evil/psycho.. wipes brow.... She has lots of good qualities too... Boy, I'd hate to have her write about me... grins... I might be shocked..

[radio_flyer]

Hi Elysium.......AJ has an alarm clock.. And it is still "blasting" when I knock on his bedroom door.. I do the "normal, nice" knock first.. When I get no response, I do the "banging loud" knock and even sometimes that doesn't work, but when I turn that door knob, seems he jumps right up.. and says "i'm up"....

AJ is being responsible for AJ.. He is not tied to my apron strings.. And I don't take care of AJ... AJ is working and paying for his car and paying bills.

How do I benefit or what do I get out of "making breakfast" for AJ.. Guess I look at it like this ---- When my mom would visit me, she'd always have dinner on the table when I got home from work. She'd clean the refrig... sweep a floor --- she'd even "holler" at me at times...... Even when I wasn't working, she'd always make dinner.. She did not have to... I did not ask her.... She did it because that is what she does..and it kept her busy....

The only thing I do for AJ is make sure AJ is up and about and I make breakfast. I do it because I want to. Guess that is my answer...

As for the psycho type day, "the other day"... well guess that happens sometimes. Can't say I understand why it happened, only can say "it happened" and today is a new day...

AJ called me yesterday afternoon and said "mom, I love you".. I said AJ, are you ok? Did something happen? He said he was ok and that he was thinking how he reacted that morning and he said he was very sorry. He voice was cracking and he was "sniffling"... He said he didn't know why he got so angry at me. And he just wanted me to know he was sorry and that he loved me...... He said he is changing and can see now how he can be hurtful and he doesn't want to be that way anymore. ...................This is why I do what I do.. My reward is seeing AJ grow to being a better person.... ANd seeing him happy..........

Oh just wanted to add this. LOL.. Mom did not like dogs in the house.. Anyway, when I was married I had a pug. AJ's dad would toss food under the table for the dog, knowing that mom would get on my case and start hollering "don't you know better than to throw food on the floor".. She'd get so mad at me... ANd AJ's dad would be laughing so hard... Was a dirty trick indeed.. lol..... deliberate too....Although AJ's dad only saw the humor in it, it happened....... Life isn't perfect... We somehow survive

[AAAAA]

If you are up at that time anyway, I do not see that AJ asking you to make sure he is up an unreasonable request. It seems to me that it would be common courtesy. When we would go home to visit my parents my father worked nights Friday and Saturday night. He went to Church on Saturday night before work. If he was particularly tired he would ask that we make sure he was up by 6:00 for church. I see nothing irresponsible in his request.

Out of curiosity, how did AJ respond to being late? Was he aware that his girlfriend was up? I would find that irritating. If I overslept and my husband was sitting there next to me letting me sleep when he knew I had to be up… it would hit the fan!

[radio_flyer]

He was annoyed at me because he thought I didn't wake him at the usual time. When I started to explain, "his g/f was in the bathroom" that someone stomped on the floor and I thought he was up.. ANd he said his g/f must of stomped and I started to say something and he asked me to go before I said something I'd regret...

I don't know if he said anything to her because I went back downstairs.. I'm thinking he prob got mad at her....He was angry when he came down for breakfast. He flipped out a bit and left for work......That is why he later called me to tell me he was sorry for how he acted... he said he doesn't want to be that kind of per son anymore, that he now sees how hurtful he can be to me....

I am up by 7am so it isn't a problem for me to make sure he is up...