[radio_flyer]

LOL... AJ said he doesn't understand women and all their emotions. He said if there is a problem, just fix it. He said he doesn't want to hear all the emotions that go with it.. Just deal with it..

He said women have l00 different emotions and he just doesn't get it or know what to do........He said it all drives him nuts...

I am thinking this is a very normal "male" thing...???

[Open Eyes]

((((radio flyer))))

Yes, men just don't understand women in many cases. All men should have to experience PMS for a few months and then maybe they would begin to recognize that there are emotions handed to women that even women struggle with.

Open Eyes

I think it is a male thing .For instance,if you complain about your job,your guy may respond by encouraging you to find another one, while what you really need is a shoulder to cry on and some sympathy.

[radio_flyer]

Open Eyes.... The good thing is, AJ is talking about it. Trying to understand. A little at a time... His g/f came over tonight and they talked. When they are honest and talk without being defensive, things tend to work out better. I think, in "most cases" men just don't understand. And ta boot, his g/f is very emotional, sometimes even over the top, emotional..Maybe they can still work things out. She has agreed with me, that counseling is still an important step for them.

Grant it, his g/f is very emotional, but that is what makes her in part who she is. But then she is as complicated as AJ.... If they can get the "communication" going, it might help the relationship grow......Guess time will tell.......

Mama won't get in the middle... Just sometimes toss a few ideas to both of them. So far, what I've tossed their way has worked..

[radio_flyer]

You know roxismom, I never thought about it before, what you said has a lot of truth to it. Sometimes what a woman needs is a shoulder to cry on or just to be heard...And not always having somebody try to just "fix" it. For her guy to just "understand" and comfort her and not tell her what to do... interesting...

[Open Eyes]

(((radio flyer))))

It is good that you know that you cannot place yourself in the middle, although it must be difficult because, after all you spent years raising AJ and solving his problems. It truely is challenging at this stage to know how much input you can give when it comes to the relationship. And they are just living together and there sure is more than just meets the eyes in any relationship. This girl being very emotional can mean different things, how was she raised, and was she ever truely taught problem solving or given support and a sense of safety? AJ cannot answer to whatever past needs were not met for this young woman. While having a shoulder to cry on is important, her ability to overcome her emotions and problem solve has to be something she learns to do herself.

Oh it surely is challenging for many young couples and men do struggle as they are mostly problem solvers and truely get upset when they are just presented with so much emotion. And it can be so hard for them to just quietly hold their partner and help the woman relax and quietly talk her problems out, even perhaps finding a resolve on her own while she calms down. Most women that are emotional, if the male responds with anger and orders, can just feel as though their feelings are just being denied and have no value. And often women just want a strong presense to take over and be understanding rather than just present orders. Men can feel like punching bags that end up very frustrated.

I think your advice has been good about counceling and anger management, this young couple truely do not know how to communicate, set personal boundaries, and validate each others feelings properly. It doesn't just come naturally, it truely is a work in progress in every relationship.

Good luck radio flyer.

Open Eyes

[notz]

I've always liked the genetic explantion about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). If your ancestors were "gathers" as in the "hunters and gathers" of food, then the hypothesis is once there's is less light the food is less and depression is more likely. This is "hardwired" into our make-up.

Considering that way of thinking, the "hunters" job was to get food. Even if things were bad in the cave, the need for food didn't stop. I imagine he would have to shut off his emotional circuits in order to fulfill the essential task at hand. The woman had to stay with the children and care for them because she was best suited for the task. The nurturing instincts and emotional feelings certainly were highly developed in such a role, as the males, this was survival.

It makes sense to me that this genetic hardwire/programing exists among the male and females today. Having it pop into my head from time to time helps me understand the Venus/Mars thing. JME/JMO

[radio_flyer]

Open Eyes... You have made some very good points. Your are very wise.. She indeed is very emotional and AJ responds with anger/demands. Which makes for a very unhappy couple.. Her feelings are not validated. He feels like a punching bag.. WOW that is so true. I can add, she is a handful and can be draining. On the other hand, she also can be fun...But then they are both hard headed and they both want their way. SO counseling is the only thing I can suggest. And if they make it as a couple or they don't, atleast they both might learn new skills in therapy.

And you are so right.. THey both don't know how to communicate, set personal boundaries and validate each other's feelings. You should be a therapist or would make a good one..........

Just to add, I learned the hard way and now know better than to get in the middle of AJ's relationships or anyone's relationship.. I listen now.. And sometimes toss a few ideas their way, but never take sides.

They were living together. At this point, they have decided that she won't stay here during the week and weekends she will stay if she wants to. This will give them some space and time to be alone...

[di meliora]

I am working on a four volume treatise about what women will never understand about men, beginning with why women think all men are mind readers and psychics who instantly should grasp what women want without any input from them.

[unaluna]

And I be working on a four-word treatise on all women need do for men to keep them happy without any input from anybody. Feed 'em, eff 'em. (Not necessarily in that order.)

[di meliora]

I see from the response, another volume is required.

(((((radioflyer)))))--Notz made a valid point. I agree with it.

Also,just want to add: when a woman is put in "Survival Mode" she thinks like a man. I did. Prioritizing what you need to Survive, and following through to get those things takes precedence to all possible emotional stuff. In other words, I had to "stuff" the emotional stuff in order to survive. LOL

We are all human. We all work towards "Survival"~~~~~~~~~~~Pax----theo

[unaluna]

If you're getting paid by the volume, then - you're welcome!

[notz]

I hope this link works!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150379736892547

oh (((((((((((((((((((Notz))))))))))))))))))Thank you--that is sooo good--laughing so loudly!!


Hahahahahahahahaha

"I hunted rats for you! I was a virgin!"
that sure is one p'offed cat!!!

I'm gonna watch it again.........thank you-----------you made my day!! xoxoxxoxoxtheo

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by notz

I hope this link works!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150379736892547

LOL Notz - that made me laugh so hard, I think I coughed all the pneumonia out of me. That's one scary cat, I didn't think it would ever end lol.

[Open Eyes]

LOL notz, very clever video.

Elan, I think that many books will continue to be written about how men and women struggle to communicate and understand each other. And many will still be illiterate because only some people will bother to read the information or instruction manual and will just put something together and hope it works.

As always, we are what we know, so if we don't bother to learn and continue to learn, we are only going to be what we know which can be very limiting.

Open Eyes

[Typo]

The differences between communication between men and women is quite complex. It has to do with society and lingusitics. A lot of women are taught to use affirmative speech, which is the overt expression of emotion and everything that has to do with the maintence of social relations. While men are influenced to use instrumental speech which is used to convey information, trying to establisj "facts" or get things accomplished. There are so many studies going on and whole fields of research dedicated to studying and breaking down how gender and language are related and influenced by each other, and also how society plays a role at fostering these differences. Not all men and not all women fall into the "normal" categories or definitions.

[faerie_moon_x]

Another issue with men and women communicating is that people are "trained" to think that men and women behave a certain way.

Example: "All women are only after a man who likes jerks that make a lot of money, want a $2,000,000 engagement ring, and roses brought to them everyday, and to be a princess/bridezilla/manipulative type personality."

"All men are cavemen who want to sit in front of the t.v. yelling 'bring me a beer!' while watching football and their wife is barefoot in the kitchen and chained to the stove."

There are so many of these little ideas that are ingrained in us through the media. "If my wife says, 'I'm fine,' that means she wants me to read her mind."

And men do have PMS. Every month my husband has incredible PMS. He is grumpy, moody, much more short fused temper, much more explosive, too. He is much more likely to shut me out, shut down, and become accusational. He has a complete emotional cycle but no physical evidence of it like a woman. I've been observing this for six years, maybe I'm more in tune to it because I watch my own cycles and patterns.

Also that whole thing about SADS and light for hunter gatherer ancestors? That makes a lot of sense. Also I read an article once about anxiety and panic disorders. The idea is that once upon a time panic was very important. If the tiger is a the gate, or the cave is about to collapse, people who are hyper aware of danger are more likely to survive or get everyone else out. It's like extra fight or flight juice. But now it isn't necessary and our hyper-awareness goes off for non-danger instead. Not sure if it is true, but interesting theory.

[insanity500]

Even though I'm a girl I agree with AJ we do have too many emotions and we should just fix our problems when we have them but for some reason not all of us can do that.

[di meliora]

What I see so often here is an attempt to pigeonhole men based on generalities. Generalities, I am told, serve a purpose? If one is dealing with a particular person, however, I would hope the goal would be to learn the specifics that apply to the person rather than to rely on generalities that may or may not apply.

^^^^^^Agreed!!!People -men/women are all unique, all individual!!!

Generalizations should not be made: Not fair to women, not fair to men.

That's precisely why I do not spend valuable time reading all those books...they all make generalizations which I am not able to relate to for myself, or for any men I have known!

I took a test...it gave me 57--wired like a woman, and 57---wired like a man!!!

(Ya gotta love Notz's cat!!!--still laughing......so cool...so funny!)

I'm confused... Women are generally more emotional given that their brains are designed as such. Society is also much more accepting of women displaying emotions than men. Men also experience emotional depth, but we are less adept at recognizing and expressing those emotions. Again, blame the brain... and gender roles of a society. These factors cause men and women to act differently. I accept this.

But I don't understand why you supposed empaths have so much trouble understanding people who are slightly more or less emotional...

Wow. Hello, Michael the Great. I thought we just covered that. I will reiterate.


For me, it's clear. Generalizations should not be made. Each person--male/female is unique.......I do not go with "Gender Generalizations".

If others care to engage further in this.....hey, go for it!! Have a yabbadabbadoo time!

I am not a "generalization" I am me. I will take leave intact, and unemotionally--smiling.
Generalizations are just that. They do not equal my reality.
They do not fit me. They do not fit any men I have known.~~~~~~~~pax---theo

Originally Posted by theodora

Wow. Hello, Michael the Great. I thought we just covered that. I will reiterate.


For me, it's clear. Generalizations should not be made. Each person--male/female is unique.......I do not go with "Gender Generalizations".

They do not fit me. They do not fit any men I have known.~~~~~~~~pax---theo

Yes. Every person on the face of the planet is unique (except clones, but that's beside the point). However, there are differences between the brains of men and women. Specifically regarding emotions, areas of the frontal cortex (higher cognitive functions) and limbic cortex (emotional response) are bulkier in women's brains than in men's. This isn't true for all people, of course. Some women have brains which are similar to a typical male brain, and those women are often more logical and goal-oriented. And I'm not insinuating that we should base our opinions of individual people on their sex. I'm merely stating that, between the population of men and women, there are significant differences which we must recognize.

But that isn't important... I was really wondering "... why you supposed empaths have so much trouble understanding people who are slightly more or less emotional..."