An Apology and A Thank You

When I came to PC in Jan 2011, it's been a great support for me, i have met some really nice and supportive people who have taken me under their wing. PC has given me a reason to live at times but i have had my times where it's been too much for me to handle and i have walked away. Feeling like part of a family while here has helped me more than i thought it would b/c of the mess my rl family are. Being here has helped me but i don't say that to the people that have helped me, they think i'm a shut door when they are talking to me b/c of my "auto responce" that i have due to past issues, but the truth is....me walking away and thinking about what they have said to me, i start to take it in and agree that they are right with what they have said and take it on board but i never seem to let them know so i am saying it now. Well i think I have really blown it the other night. While, for the most part, I've been able to control my emotions and keep an even keel, I made a massive mistake and sent a picture to someone that i shouldn't have and the person thought i wasn't responding to the messages or phone call (i did reply and i can honestly say that my phone never rang or if it did i would have picked it up) and for that, I am truly sorry. I had a breakdown and lost it. (things have been getting on top of me) I can only hope that I will be forgiven by other people that got told about what happened. If not, I can truly understand. Really wish now that i had been better and sent it to the person i was meant to send it too.

For those who have forgiven me, thank you so much!! I have deffo learned from this and will never ever do it again. I know now when i'm in that bad place to just turn my phone off and not come online. (i know i didn't come online this time but still i know better now) Still love you all. If you want me to go away i will do.

I hope that I can continue to become a better person and, at the very least, make someone smile or laugh again.

Thank you so much!

Special

((((((iamspecial))))),

This site is a support site, EVERYONE here is struggling and in all our struggles we CAN react poorly because our IRL issues are presenting too much stress. I think that it is good that you have made it a point to appologize and explain that you have been struggling. We are here to support each other even when one of us may express themselves poorly due to their personal struggles. We truely have to all understand that things can happen, they really can. But now you have recognized it, making the effort to express that and I think that is all you can really do. I myself, am supporting your efforts and UNLIKE the disfunctional people you have as a family outside PC, this place is much more understanding and forgiving.

You are a very big part of this PC family. Those that know and support you do really know that your really trying. Now that you have addressed this it is important that you also forgive yourself too. We ALL make mistakes and should be able to appologize and continue GIVING and RECEIVING support.

(((((((((BIG WARM FORGIVING HUGS TO YOU IAMSPECIAL)))))))))

Open Eyes

Thank you so much for your words Open Eyes and for the big warm hug. Means a lot.

(thank you Lynn P for my hug too!!)

IAS, GIANT sssss to you! I love having you around

Thank you so much Trippin hugs back to everyone!!

(thank you for the hug PH too!!)

((((iamspecial)))))

I like you seeing you around

Thank you buttercup

(((((Iamspecial)))))))

have totally no idea what you're talking about, but hope (and think) you are a-okay.

Thank you for your comments and hugs, means alot!!

I miss my Farkle partner!

I don't know what a Farkle partner is, but back in the 80's I worked in procurement, and we had a grocery company that quoted bids to us ... The name of the company? ... Harklefarkle's Produce Company ... It was owned by a family by the name of Hefflefinger, and I thought it was the most hilarious play on words I'd ever seen ... I guess what I'm trying to say is ... Thanks for a Happy Memory ... !!!

I miss my Farkle partner too!! Was thinking that today when i was playing it!!

It's a game that me and TL have been playing together on facebook, it's better playing it with someone else rather than alone.

I know that was hard to write special...... You have a special place here at PC and in the hearts of many members here.
((( special )))

"Feeling like part of a family while here has helped me more than i thought it would b/c of the mess my rl family are. Being here has helped me but i don't say that to the people that have helped me, they think i'm a shut door when they are talking to me b/c of my "auto responce" that i have due to past issues, but the truth is....me walking away and thinking about what they have said to me, i start to take it in and agree that they are right with what they have said and take it on board but i never seem to let them know so i am saying it now".

Special - and you are Special - thanks for writing this! I think many of us have done the same at times. Like you, I also am listening to advice and thoughts from others and then need to process it through my brain. Sometimes it is a short process; sometimes it takes weeks before I suddenly slap myself in the face and say "Oh, now I understand!" I bet lots of us do this.

There have been times when I've left for a time - but then I come back to PC. It is a "family" and I find nothing but caring and wonderful people here. They all definitely fill in for the gaps IRL. Always here - 24/7 - and not judgmental, but also not afraid to offer honest feedback.

Yeah it really was tarmy but it had to be written....thank you!! I guess i need to accept that....even if the bad thoughts are telling me different. Thank you for the hug ((( tarmy )))

Thank you Leo for this comment!! And all the hugs. and for saying i'm special even if i don't agree (but there are too many people who tell me i am so i'm not arguing) I'm not the only one. massive hugs, thank you!!

Dear Chel I am not upset with you in any way at all and I hope you keep coming round because I will miss you and what ever you did I am sure everyone else will forgive you also and know this that you are a great and special person and will always have a friend in me for you and a few others on here I have become very close too and very fond of and if it was not for you all I am not sure I would have made it through this last year and for that I am grateful to you for you have helped me more then you will know and are closer to me then any of my rl family and do hope that You will feel better hun I know it has been rough on you but do not Give up 5 minutes before the maracle happens and if you ever need someone to talk to you can talk to me no matter what and I shall never judge you for the way you feel for I am the same way i do not open up alot but i am always here for you sending you many Hugz.

Thank you so much chuck for what you have said!! Means a lot to me. It really does!! thank you for all the hugs too. I'm sure i'll be around still....it's just my mind playing with me i guess and i need to get me back in control. Thank you so so so so so so so so so so much!!

I don't know what you did or think you did, but I love having you around. Your posts have helped me out more than you know as I don't open up very well either. I don't go to chat much cause I don't type that fast and afraid of looking real stupid. Keep your head up you are special to me too!((((((((special)))))))))

Awww thank you for saying you love having me around, i didn't know that my posts have helped you out....wow thanks for telling me that. Honestly hun, you don't have to be able to typr fast to talk in chat....no one will think you are stupid, honestly....i sometimes in chat make myself look stupid but i do that to be a funny factor in chat....but no one will think that of you....you will be welcomed especially by me!! Thank you so much gma. ((((((gma))))))

I have only peaceful thoughts about you ((iamspecial)) and I'm not aware of negative interactions at all from you. Its nice though to tell us how you feel. PC has helped me alot too. When I 1st came here I was like a pressure cooker and didn't feel comfortable sharing my problem with anyone IRL. When I'm here I feel less pressure and I've met some great, strong people. Its fine to take breaks if you feel the need. If there was a PC village, I would love to live there.

Thank you Lynn P!!!! ((((Lynn P))))