Daily Comments #6- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

am i strange because i am thinking of becoming a psychiatrist even though i am the one who has a mental illness.....

“Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.” ― George Eliot

I'm a little more than a bit overwhelmed at the moment...

And life goes on.....the birds still fly. The traffic still flows, the smoke stack is still puffing. I feel very ... invisible? insignificant? minimal? The cog in the machine syndrome

Something really pi**ed me off today

I went to a gig earlier with my daughter (She is autistic) it was all standing in which we have never done before....... We stood for at least 2 hours waiting for my daughters favorite band to show up on stage (we were at the front) so they come on stage and then these two women appear from out of nowhere and push in front of us and we couldn't see a thing this annoyed me greatly, It was her attitude and the people behind me knew I was annoyed too, Anyway I could feel myself getting angry as she was stamping on my feet so I then tapped her on the shoulder and told her what I thought and that we had been waiting for so many hours to see this band and she started to get abusive and the people behind me started arguing with her too.

She was saying that she had been waiting hours like us too but she clearly hadn't, She had a bad attitude, Honestly people like this annoy me greatly, Anyway they both moved in the end as I told her to shove it the arrogant so and so.

I really hate how I can't be more honest on PC and with those that I interact with in person (which doesn't happen often but does happen) because people are unable (or unwilling?) to accept how 'different' I am. I'd like to be more open with others without having to worry about my own safety.

On second thought maybe I should just be open and ignore any hate mail and threats I receive :-)

Two days and no sleep. Where has it gone to?

I've been wanting to start a thread about, it doesn't matter if you don't like me....
But I realize it's me telling myself, me liking me is the important thing. Like I've said away, it's me who has to live with me
No it's nothing with pc, nothing has happened. Just me.

Have I done that before? I then question too lol...... Sigh, need to go back in emails see what was deleted while back ...., lol

Mushy head.....
Stressed....
Over thinking things.

Pattern this time of year? I don't know but been trying to remember.
I wish I had a thing to replay habits and patterns of my thinking, feelings,etc.

, that's what journals are for right?

ok. so i try to crochet a bunny amigurumi.
looks easy enough. ha might be easy, just wasn't
all that easy for me. the ears need to match as both
arms and legs need to be same size. you'd think they
would all be the same size since you followed the directions.
right? then you need to sew the ears in the right place
because if you don't place them right, bunny will look a tad
odd.. bunny already has different sized ears so we must
atleast place them in the right spot.. then place the arms
and legs and tail....

lordy, lordy lordy all done and well my
what was supost to be a cute little bunny, sorta looks
like a crazed bunny.... guess we shall call him "one
crazed bunny"...

must give all knitters and those who crochet a big hand
and tons of respect. is not as easy as i thought. not
given up tho. have teddys and cats and chickens to
crochet.. might call it the crazed animals on the farm...
that is if they turn out crazed like little bunny.

I miss him and I want to see him again.

I am missing a couple of friends...

Figures - Nag, nag, nag - and THEN don't get back to me.....Sheesh......

I really just want to kirk out on my friends brother....say ignorant things about me and then ask me for a freaking cigerette...like I didn't friggin hear you....I've always friggin heard you....but for some reason today im having a hard time containing myself to not flip the heck out.....

I don't like to be hectored, lectured, or harangued.

I guess I've become pretty useless around here. I've had a lot of errands to run in real life. Just a bunch of complications and obstacles to climb over. I'm really tired of being a person. I need to find Mom's tax documents. That has to be done next week. I'm tired of being the one that's supposed to know what to do and take care of things.

Gotta go back to the thinking of, don't care, what's really my responsibility, at work.

All these things we do are written down. Explained and have pictures (i did it, I'm a visual learner so that's why pictures are there). People always claim, they read everything, they understand.

But they don't.worse yet they don't understand, and then don't ask about it.
I can't say it's all them either, honestly supervisor doesn't help with giving incorrect information to them, and never being consistent of roles.

It sucks when people say, I need some help, you try to help them, then they say oh well per supervisor that's wrong. Do I need to get out the company out line that the company has? Or the site rules?

Emotionally I can't take the burden of people I don't know. Emotionally I can't worry for them any more, even though I already am.

They are not connected to me.

I'm my own. No one else owns me, I'm not a part of anyone else.

It is time to snuggle up in bed and try to rest.

Why can't someone give me something that at least MIGHT work - AND not make me feel as though I am being watched any closer than before anything was done..
Everyone SHOULD realize by now anything, including just a few days stay in a medical hospital, that makes me feel as though I am being watched any closer than I am before that takes place - I am going to reject quite probably right up until I am physically unable to.. So why keep going there?

maybe i force myself too much at family gatherings

Me too

There are a lot of things I'd like to take off of the "Repeat Cycle"...

Hey...didja ever...

...listen to a really good song on Youtube and just get into it...? Y'know...it just catches ya...you're groovin'...it's a really good song...one you've heard but not often...so y'turn up the volume...and sit back watching the crummy homemade vid that goes with the thing but it makes no difference...the song eclipses all distraction...you're complete...just you and it...twined like lovers....So didja? Ever?
...while the kitchen sink overflows?