Daily Comments #6- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

It's Friday and I get to sleep in tomorrow

when will i ever feel better?

The morning is my favorite time of day.

I am trying to be ok, but it is hard to watch my mom disappear in Alzheimers. Somedays she is pretty lucid and sometimes she seems lucid but asks me the same question after 10 minutes or so of talking to her. I can't drive to see her because I just don't have the money for gas, so I talk to her on the phone alot.

She talks alot about how different to world is now, feels it is getting to be so dangerous too. It's hard to know what she is remembering too. It's just hard, she was my very good friend, not just my mom.

Sometimes when I go to that house, too many bad memories though, things she doesn't know about, things I will never tell her.

Now if this drug dose not work out.....Well, I don't know but something MUST do some good without causing other problems...
Not necessarily drugs, but something, this is really getting ridiculous!

Just try to remember, RedBarchetta, that if you give the meds two weeks to adapt, many symptoms first experienced when you begin a new medication will disappear after the first two weeks. Try to give it two weeks to a month to balance out in your system then see if you are any better. I hope the meds help you hun.

Just floatin' around. Everything is starting to look different and I'm grateful for the shift.

Just got home from night shift. Need to take my meds and hopefully get some sleep.

Need coffee...its tooo early, but I slept

Feeling miserable and don't know how to stop it

Disappointed in:
Myself
My choices
My values
My lack of wisdom

The only thing in my life I get any joy from now is my daughter. I lover her SO much I hurt when I am not around her for a day or two. I know she loves me to pieces and I know she is hurt because I moved out after all the mess I made of my marriage. So I love her and I show her by moving out...no wonder I hurt, right?

I have come to that place in my life where I know I must find someone to confess my lifes atrocities to...gotta get it all and I mean ALL out. I am tired of lies piled on top of previous lies and deviations. My soul is dead and this is the only way I can see to bring it back to life. I am dead inside and out...I am tored of medicating my depression and muddling thru my bpd2. Confession is only a place to start...and it is where I must go to next if I am to heal any more.

I do hope that makes any sense at all. I am just so done with being down..if the truth can't heal that then and only then will I just give in to this mundane existance called life.

I read the posts that other people make in these forums and I am overwhelmed by the pain, the strength, the power and humility shared by all of you. If only we could see it in ourselves.

I was cleaning out my old car and thinking how did I let it get like this. Where have I been the last year?

BEAUFLOW....
Mushy head.....
Stressed....
Over thinking things.

Pattern this time of year? I don't know but been trying to remember.
I wish I had a thing to replay habits and patterns of my thinking, feelings,etc.

, that's what journals are for right?

YES! That is exactly what journals are for. Mushy head seems to be going around. On my mushy head days, I take the day off. I hope you can too. As Scarlet O'Hara said, 'I can't think about it today. I'll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.'

Today is just one huge disaster.
I was going to make apricot chicken but the chicken has gone off. Then I figured I'd use the chicken mince and make chicken pies but, just my blasted luck, that's off too. Would have been great if I'd been able to cook it over the weekend but no, the mass pile of dishes that never goes away had to be done and by the time I get through the dishes my back is too sore to do anything else.

On top of the lovely disaster that is my midget kitchen, I keep cyling through being happy about trying to plan our wedding and completely crashing and not wanting a wedding at all because I have only four family members, who are all two states away, and there is no way they will be able to afford to get down here, which leaves me with no one at my own wedding. What the heck is the point of even having a wedding if you don't have anyone to share it with?
I mean, I never wanted anything traditional to start with but I won't even have my own ******* father there with me. So freaking over everything at the moment.

Been there, oh have I been there, Foreign Soul!!!

Sorry to all for just evaporating for a bit. Tons of busy-ness to attend to. With feeling only a little better, came a lot of extra responsibilities, Lucky Me!!!

I agree with spondiferous, too. This pace has marvelous human beings as members.

I always leave here inspired in some way.

I love all of the people here. They help me through my struggles and let me know that I am okay just as I am.

Back to the doctor (Pdoc) today. Sigh. I hate thinking so little of myself that it terrifies me to take action. And I hate even more that the people in my life thought (think) so little of me they enjoy my pain.

I totally agree with the fact that there are so many good people here at PC. So much pain, sadness, yet strength, optimism and support of other members. I only wish I could respond to more people, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed and a hug is about all I can do.

We talked yesterday, and he gave me two really big hugs. He even held my hand for a minute while we sat and talked. I broke down crying after church service yesterday. I just couldn't hold it in anymore.

I caught my husband in bed this morning with the phone under the covers. I feel suspicious about him doing that.doesn't feel good.

I feel sometimes like I am fully immersed in things to the point where I can feel myself - literally, every particle of my being - operating as part of the whole, one tiny speck in the universe. Sometimes it's cool and sometimes it scares me. Today it's cool.

It is so nice to see blue sky again.Now if only the temps would climb upward a little more.

Feel so inexplicably grumpy and cantankerous today. Stupid mood swings.