[sarsho]

This holiday is so difficult for me. I hate it and wish it would go away. I am estranged my unhealthy Mother. I do not want to honor her. She is a women who was abused herself and she only knows a few ways to communicate with me. She's emotionally abusive two faced, untrustworthy, mean, negative, unappreciative, drama filled and seems to love gossip and chaos. I can't take it and do not welcome it in my life any longer. Sadly, my brother hasn't had contact with her in more than 10 years. He too is very angry at her. Anyway, I hate this holiday and many people do not understand. I am sick of hearing people tell me- "You only have 1 Mother."
Yes stop reminding me.

[shezbut]

(((sarsho)))

Yes, I can relate. I don't feel the love either ~ so almost every holiday brings up a lot of sadness and resentment inside. I try to treat the holidays as just another day, but it gets tricky now that I have children of my own. Their kind appreciation leads to those same feelings as it reminds me that I don't feel that way towards my mom.

Gentle hugs to you.

[beauflow]

(((Sarsho)))

I have/had difficult times with Mother's Day as well. I don't have a good relationship with my mother and right now none, nor is she welcomed in my life at the moment, if ever again.
My sisters, while they totally agree with why I have disconnected from many family members such as our mom, they still talk to her; which is fine- it is their choice to. I am not sure if they "celebrate" her, I have a feeling my one sister probably doesn't and the other does, due to their personalities . As far as my brothers, Two i don't know if they talk to her or not- and one i know does not.

I went a few years with the holidays (all of them) just passing by, I did not acknowledge any of them really, especially Mother's and Father's day.. December Holidays are hard not to note because everyone is commercializing them, but even then, I would come to work and do my thing, and another day passed..... But a few years ago that all some what changed, due to I got together with my S/O and he acknowledges holidays, and this one coming up, for his mom.

One thing that has helped me through the years is to recognize the Mothers that are out there that DO Try, that DO Love and They are nothing like My mother was/is.

Sure I may not have had that myself, but I am very happy to see that others do not have what I had, which for me means a lot.

While I may not see eye to eye with everything my S/O's Mom says or does, or has done; I do see that she has a very nice character and that his parents did try their best. And my S/O sees things as well with her that he has loved. that there is something that while I have to acknowledge that I never had, never will have--- someone else does, and that is wonderful that someone else has that.

I know at times I have went through a grieving period of not having a "mom" like some people do... And I think that is ok, I think that is part of what helps with growing and moving forward for myself. My grieving had hatred at one point, which has settled over the years with me understanding some more things, understanding things doesn't make things "right" but some times it does help-- and of course there are some things I will never understand and just have to do that awful hard thing of "accepting" as is.



Sure we may only have "One Bi-logical Mom" but that doesn't mean much if they were never really a true mother for us. It is just like family, some times it is what we make of it....

Many well thoughts to you and many hugs

[Sabrina]

I don't like Mother's Day because my son could care less and my husband doesn't do anything to make me feel special.

I used to feel really guilty and worried that I "should" do something, but then I realized I was only doing it to take the high road. And to not give her more reasons to be negative about me.

I didnt want to give her more reasons to gossip about me, and go crying to my father all the faux N tears.

Since I have been in T and working so hard, I realized it isn't necessary to keep setting myself up. No matter what I do, it is never good enough anyway.

I have to admit, it still hurts a bit (I feel cheated that I missed out on having a real mom), and I actually whited out the date on my calendar and am going to stay in this Sunday so I dont have to be exposed to any surprise pain and/or sadness seeing all the moms with their families.

(And for the moment, I am looking at the positive and I am content being Krazee Kitteh's mama )

[plisa502]

Since my mother died 3 years ago, it has become a rather sad day for me. I'm a widow who also doesn't really get along well with my late husbands mom

[Foreign_Soul]

I'm dreading this Sunday. The creature that gave birth to me was never a mother and I cannot stand her being called such. She certainly doesn't deserve it after the abuse she subjected me to and the damage she is now causing to my almost 7yr old son. I can't even celebrate the day with my son because of her lies and manipulation.
All I want is to stay home and not hear mention of it whatsoever.

I'm sorry for all the people with bad memories and issues. I don't care much for it. My mom died a few years back. Still wish mothers I know a happy mother's day.

[krscool2001]

I also hate mother's day. I have not talked to my mom in months and the last time I had any contact with her it was her sending me an email telling me that I was making up stories of how she hurt my feelings to get attention. She also said that my wedding was only 6 hours of my life so she didn't need to care about it (this is after I told her that if they we would pay for the wedding when she said since she was paying it was her wedding and I was just getting married there). So you would think that for mother's day she would be happy just to hear from me at all, well my dad calls and ask for me to come to church with them by myself (oh and I am agnostic so I don't go to church). Really, my wedding is just 6 hours of my life so you don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable like let me have the day of my dreams but for a commercial holiday that happens every year I have to come by myself to a service I don't believe in with people who could care less about my feelings. So yeah I was a little upset when this was brought up but mostly just thrown off guard that they thought that is was a good idea to ask. I have to say this mother's day might be the worst (hasn't happened yet so I might be wrong) but they have never been great. One year she got mad that nobody had planned anything for her for mother's day (I actually had to work that day but did give her a gift that night) when my dad had planned a mother's day brunch and had booked a table and everything but she had decided she wanted to stay at the pool all day. I have also gotten one of the gifts I had given her back as a Christmas gift before so that was fun.

[wadingthruemotions]

I don't necessarily hate the day. I stay home and do what I want. What I hate are those that try to instill their beliefs that we were put here to bear children. The die hards, and you know who they are when they start talking, just won't leave it be. Insist you must have kids to be happy. That is what I hate.

[spondiferous]

I feel empathy for those with strained relationships with their mothers. I do too. She went through her own **** and was too busy with that to give me anything growing up. Her stance on family was, as far as I could tell, that she just wanted to be left alone. Can't say that's done wonders for my self-esteem, or my self-worth.
I don't feel resentment anymore, though. Mostly I just feel sad. Sad that she's lived her whole life keeping the people closest to her at a distance.
In a sense, Mother's Day is awkward for me. I'm grateful to the woman who gave me life; I know that ever since I got sober and started to reaalize what a miracle life can actually be. But I don't know how to talk to my mom. And when I do, I never know what to say. There's love between us, but it's fractured in places.
Also, Mother's Day is a day of joy and gratitude (for another reason). I'm a birth mom and my son is 10 now, and through his life I've been able to watch him grow, change, and become the wonderful young man I never could have raised, thanks to his amazing parents. So I celebrate his adoptive mom on this day as well as my own mother.
Hope you all have a great weekend no matter how you feel about Sunday.

[seeker1950]

My mother passed away about 5 years ago, me taking care of her thru her cancer. In the hospital room, me attending to her, she asked me flat out, "How did you get to be this way?"...knowing I surely didn't get it from her. I answered, "It's my nature, Mom." Then I brought her to my home and took care of her till she passed, with great pain and difficulty.
Looking back, I realize my mother was abused as a child and young woman. She grew up in very difficult circumstances. But my growing up with her as my mother was a reflection of what she knew, how she knew to mother from her own upbringing. I got hit daily, and was verbally abused as well, even up into my college days when I'd come home for a visit. That said, she and my dad DID manage to send me to college, though they were very poor financially. So there is that to be grateful for.
In her older age, she began demanding acknowledgement of Mothers Day....also other holidays. She wanted the fiction of a loving mother-daughter relationship, which had never existed. I did accommodate her with the arbitrary gifts of flowers, or a dinner out with her and my other sister. It was easier to just go along.

Since her passing, I no longer feel the pain and resentment of my own history with her. I realize it made me what I am, why I made so many emotional mistakes in my own adult life, but I've come to terms with it.
It is good to have the perspective of time and age.

My mother had MS my whole life, so she was always suffering from a degree of physical disability (which was hard to understand as a child; she had the kind that declined over time), and as I got older, it started to affect her more and more mentally as well.
Plus, my childhood T later told me my mother was a narcissist and could be nasty and extremely hard on me....I don't remember all of my childhood (no abuse; more lack of being paid attention to...there was just no reason for me TO remember per my T; none of it was good). But my family would audio record a lot of holidays (this was before video recorders were popular)...and I have heard the way she has spoken to me, so I know a lot more than I care to know about how she treated me.
She had the extremely debilitating form where it got worse and worse until she couldn't walk at all, and eventually she couldn't focus her eyes (she was legally blind) and she couldn't grasp what was going on around her...an MRI showed her brain was shrinking. She eventually often would not recognze me when I came by to see my father.
My mother died overnight in July 2008, probably from a stroke. I still don't know how to feel about it. My parents ADORED each other before she got sick; they were so happy together...and yet I know she supposedly really wanted a child but she wasn't motherly to me at all. And it makes me angry and sad because she deserved a full life and got sick when she was in her early 30s and died in her early 60s, but had not been living for years.
So that's why I hate Mother's Day.
Hugs to everyone else out there who hates it, for all their own various personal reasons, when life is not fair and when things should be better for all of us.

[seeker1950]

I have to add this. I was never held or cuddled. EVER. I recall still being in the three room school house on Coal River, and crying in the first grade, which I did a LOT at entering school, I was so fearful. A girl from an older class was in the classroom, I know not why, and she grasped me up and cuddled me. I still recall the comfort I felt at having her do that and comfort me with her words. Her name was Ruth Prater...I remember that. I know she came from a deprived family who lived up in a hollow. I wish Ruth a Happy Mothers Day.

[Moodswing]

See my Mothers Day post in the Survivors of Abuse section.

[kaliope]

I am not somebody who connects or attaches to other people. my parents made me that way with the dysfunctional abusive way I was raised. I disowned my dad as part of my healing and in a way cut off contact with my mom as well. she has Alzheimers and doesn't even know who I am so why reach out. I don't feel guilty because my lack of connectiveness prevents me from feeling anything. there is nothing there in those relationships. I wasn't going to send anything for mothers day but then I got an email saying if I sent flowers I could get 1500 bonus miles. I wanted those miles. should have sent the flowers to myself. but part of what irks me about mothers day is having to be grateful for gifts I may not like. I saw the customs slip on my sons gift and he bought me paint. while this may have been thoughtful, I have tons of paint I don't use already so it is hard to get excited about. how do I come off not sounding ungrateful for a gift that im not going to use? im such a b1tch.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Funny you should say that, I feel similarly and haven't seen my mother in about 10 years or more, too. Not a fan of Mothers' Day, either.

[MuseumGhost]

These "mandatory" hug & cuddle holidays can be so difficult, for so many reasons.

I always wish people a lovely weekend, if I have cause to say anything, because one never knows what kind of private pain might be triggered by wishing anyone "Happy Mother's Day", "Happy Father's Day", etc.

My relationship with my Mom, like so many others who've posted, was complex, and very strained at times. I don't like to discuss all our problems in public....but she died when we were just beginning to get close, when I was in my early twenties. It was harrowing, for that, and many other reasons.

Plus, I'm not a Mom, and will never be a grandma. So I carry that pain inside me as well. It probably shouldn't bother me so much, but it does.

Massive and heartfelt hugs for anyone dealing with this holiday under less than picture postcard conditions.



May we all find some love, which can soothe our battered hearts.

[gracez]

Gosh, it was really nice to see this post title, and I'm grateful to all of you for saying some of things I never have said to anyone about how I feel. Thank you

Although my Mother is still alive
I find I'm not a big fan of Mothers Day either.
I just sort of want to be alone this year & wished
that my Mom would spend it with her Husband.
But he has mental illness & just doesn't do anything.
So, I'll have to fake it tomorrow.

i hate mothers day, and all the other holidays..

don't see the need for them- you devote 1 day a year for like, let's say mother's day... but then shouldn't you be nice to your mother all year round?

i think that kinds of defeats the purpose- because people think... oh well, i'll do what i want the rest of the year- but on mothers day i'll be nice.

as for me, personally, i don't do anything.

my mom spendss er time putting me through hell- so i really don't have time.