How often do adults make friends?

How often do adults make friends? Do you ever experience "bullying" in the workplace? in what ways have you been "bullied" before? Why? Was it out of jealousy?

I have a theory that once you above a certain age, you can't really make best friends. u can make aquantainces but yeah... i'm not an adult but I am already struggling to make friends. I feel like adults are really no different than teenagers... and that I assume that bullying can take place in the workplace as well

I am 46 and I I still do not have a friend who would call me to go shopping, dinner, movies. Nothing. People have made their friends from school or mommy and me groups and tuff through their kids. I never had children. Even at functions I am left out of conversations because I can't relate to all the children stories.

yeah it suppose. people don't really talk to me unless i speak. sometimes when i speak others just look at me as though i'm from another world or something. I am not treated with the same respect as everyone else is. Nobody has ever invited me to movies, shopping or anything like that. I'm really bummed out. I really want to make sure that i spend my time wisely now. it's like this has been destined to happen. like i'm not meant to have close friends and the friends i made drifted apart from me two years ago. he had to move because his landlord evicted his family from his home. i was really sad because he was the only friend i ever had.

How often do adults make friends?

I don't think that's something any one person can answer; too many variables.

Do you ever experience "bullying" in the workplace?

No, but then I don't work, am bonkers, and I stand my ground.

In what ways have you been "bullied" before? Why? Was it out of jealousy?

Was bullied a lot at school, usual reasons: was tall, had glasses, actually tried to learn, was clearly smarter than them, actually had a personality, was quirky, and so on. Jealousy? Meh, I doubt it.

What brought this on?

I think people envied your aptitude and your snappy way of dressing. Maybe. I hope that they weren't. I always think that people are jealous of me in some ways. They usually give me the looks or show it very openly in their tone. Hope I'm not influencing anyone.

Life makes so many of us move around and take many paths. Life stability is not very strong in this economy and most people are juggling many responsibilities and challenges that cause us to move, change plans, etc. It is more difficult to keep roots now. My father's career had us moving often and now my own life's challenges have made me move from time to time. I am 48 in three weeks and my sons are moving on now and I may have to move again to downsize now that I will be alone.

People who are single/divorced/widowed in this age range have been through some life struggles and each person brings packages of experiences with them and they are pretty specific about what lifestyle they seek and what habits they have. Sex drive changes. Serious romance may no longer be comfortable for some people, like myself. I seek a friend as much as I like my private quiet time. I am an introvert and it is difficult to find other introverts because they are also usually solitary people lol

I ws bullied in my youth and I do carry some social fears with me from those struggles in life. I am trying to face them now and learn to fight the urge to see myself as a constant victim in society. I find myself thinking that way much too often. By seeing myself as a victim in society, I avoid interaction to avoid getting hurt and I seek fault in the system which triggers anger in me and causes depression. I have to beat the victim image I have created for myself or I will drown myself in my own fears. Self esteem plays a part in it also. It is difficult to see my abilities in myself and yet when I get angry, playing the victim, I blame others for not seeing my talents. When my counsellor asks me what talents I expect them to see in me, I cannot answer that. I have to see my own talents before I can show them off to others.

I don't know how but i always seem to be able to turn out so many negative thoughts in a split second. Like if someone does not say hi to me i'll just assume that they are being rude or doesn't like me. Like if someone says something about my face, I'll interpret it as if he's calling me ugly. Or if someone does not believe me or implies that I'm not trustworthy even though they may not be thinking that way, i accuse them of calling me a liar. Wow, what's wrong with my mind? I feel like people treat me like dirt, worse than a human being.

like my being fearful of getting yelled out for doing a bad job at something even though trying may make me want to not be as cooperative with others as I should. I mean, I do want to try but this fear of being yelled at is keeping me from trying out things, exploring myself, and helping me identify my talents.

I don't know. I don't really have any friends. It depends on what kind of person you are though. I know lots of adults with best friends.

i'm pretty sure you have some friends. but for me, its different because unless someone tells me that they're my friend, i won't know. it leaves me hanging and then later you find out that you've been talking to them for so long that they finally zero in on with the bad news: you're just an acquaintance, not a friend.

Yes...very much so. It is difficult to catch ourselves thinking those negative thought patterns before they hit. I am trying to catch the anger patterns before they hit at work when I feel attacked for silly things, so that I do not allow myself to stew over opinions or statements that are also not worth of my worries. Similar to those you stress over at school. It is challenging but we can do it.

Don't downgrade the value of an acquaintance. They are as valuable as friends in the adult world you are growing into. Keep record of these "acquaintances" because they may be useful in other times although not right now.

I always find friends when I don't expect to make them. The best way to do it is to have shared interests---and even more often, it happens when you find you have shared values/ are of one mind on a subject/ share similar backrounds.

I don't think age has much to do with it. I had fluctuating friend numbers all of my life---depending on so many things.

I've been meeting people face-to-face, and making a ton of friends lately. And none of it is sought out.

These days, since I am older, I really don't give a toss what someone else thinks of me (especially a co-worker!). I am a good human being and a good team player and I work hard (when I can). If anyone were to try and bully me, I'd laugh it off. But I'm not as depressed as I was, say, 5 years ago. It might have been way different then, and I might have been very troubled about it (because I took a lot of pride in the work I did, always.) Mostly, I think it would have led to a fair amount of confusion.

I don't have one friend, but then I'm sick and can't get out. I was bullied a lot at work, when I worked, but that's why they call it 'work', right ?

where do you meet these people at?

Absolutely adults make friends. I make new friends every year, or basically whenever I want to. It's just a matter of getting into things I'm interested in and making contact, and seeing where it goes. There's not always a connection. But I've found friendship in unlikely places. Including work. And yes, there can be bullying in the workplace. Discrimination, verbal/sexual harassment or assault, all kinds of things. The most important thing, I think, is to let people know you won't tolerate it and if the behavior doesn't change report it through the proper channels. As an adult you no longer have to tolerate that ****, where maybe as a kid you might not have as much of a choice.

For heyitsme7: It's happened at Walmart, of all places!, just chatting with people. I also got talking to a very nice woman about my age when I was out at a second-hand store---we liked the same things, and she was admiring what I had in my cart. Pretty soon we were laughing and talking like we'd known one another forever.

My husband has some wonderful friends, and in some cases, I've become even closer to them than he has. Friends of friends, and down the line. New neighbours, too.

And I wouldn't describe myself as the MOST outgoing person ever. I'm somewhere in the middle, on that scale.

It's so much easier than it was, even a few months ago. I'm not always that chatty, and there are still days I have absolutely no desire to go mix with all & sundry. But It's gotten better than it used to be, when I couldn't even picture myself leaving the house, at all, for days on end.

So I say, never ever ever give up. Things can change for the better.

Hugs back, Hey.

I also wanted to add that I've met some pretty amazing people on discussion forums. One I've known for 5 years, and now we talk on the phone on a regular basis. We've helped aone another through some rough times, been there for each other's sad losses, and just laughed untitl our sides hurt, too.

With the high number of interesting, and brave and insightful people here, it's no wonder some end up being friends for life.

Who is tougher/cooler/better than we are? :P

How can you trust these people? Especially when you did met them on the internet. It's good that you found people with common interests on the internet but I'm afraid that if I do, I might end up with someone I cannot trust. Why don't you check on their background first and then make friends with them? That's what I would do, just to be on the safe side.

I try to be very careful. I trust my instincts, I watch how consistent a person is, over time. A true friend extends themselves to you, they meet you halfway; and they do what they say they're gonna do. A true friend is dependable. And, in real life, it's pretty hard to get a fake past me. My antennae are working overtime, especially for the last little while.

It's not to say that I've never been taken-in, or hurt. I definitely have. But after awhile, you do become more selective. And you develop a feel for people. Watch for signs and big warnings. Watch for things that could present a big trigger for you.

For instance, I don't get on well with people who are always needing the spotlight, always needing to be center stage. I also don't like loud or pushy people. Another big problem for me is folks who are argumentative, or who always need to get the last word in. I don't even have to waste a moment's time on them because I know there will never be too much to build on, with them. I also cannot build a relationship with anyone who tells me a lie. And people do, it blows my mind, but they try it. Nope, not the way to get anywhere with me.

I give people only so much trust. And then, if they don't let me down, if they prove they are how they represent themselves, I give them more chances. Eventually, it becomes clear who you can & cannot trust.

Sometimes, a person might be wonderful & lovely in many ways---but perhaps they're not good with money. Or watching your cat while you're out of town. So, be their friend---but DO NOT trust them with money, or letting them check in on the cat. Stuff like that.

There are all levels and degrees of friendship. You figure it out as you go.

I agree. Like several years back when i moved to this new city, I thought that everyone else was trustworthy. However, the more you got to know them, the more I felt that something was mightily wrong. It was like my instincts were overworking me.
It's true that with people you don't need to know who's being friendly and who's not. You know when someone is talking badly behind your back and speaking well of you and is doing the opposite. It's easy to identify that now that I have been around this community for a while. Some may seem friendly for a while but in the end they join the losers who want to bring you down. Some ask you for help and then they stop talking to you.

I also don't like the ones who have a lot in common with you especially ethnic backgrounds and shared interests and they seem to be hostile to you. The ones that are different from you tend to be more friendly.

Another thing is just by the tone of someone's voice and the attitude that they give you, you can see through everything and who they have been all along.

I am sure adults can make friends. Some are just able to befriend others more easily than others.

My buddy told me making friends in adulthood is a lot harder, because people are busy with work and family.

I agree. Even as I am not an adult yet but will be soon, I find it hard to click with most people in general. Like I tell them something but like they just don't find any of my jokes funny. It's weird. How come some people have that ability to entertain? They should be comedians. My words are not as important as anyone else's.

heyitsme, thank you for this thread! I'm not good with people at all but the older I get the more I think I need to be more social. Nicks Nose, you are so right, all the other introverts are hard to find!! and then you think...maybe they don't want company and they are not going to tell me and I am bugging them....lol!

Adults can and do make friends but it's a different process than children/teens.
As for bullying, yes I've experienced it. When I was in my 20's I had become certified as an EMT. My first job was with a contract company with multiple locations within a county. I was fully qualified to do my job but I've never been very good at managing social situations so it wasn't long before the "she's weird, I don't want to work with her" talk began. From there it was all downhill. The last incidence of bullying on the job was my very last 9-5 type position. I had to share a very small office with another worker. As we both did the same job, we had contact with much of the same people. She would find ways to make herself look like the better worker by taking work away from me, talking with coworkers and supervisors behind my back to get special assignments. All of this to make me look worthless or redundant. It got to the point where we would sit in our office together and not say one single word to one another. Not even hello or goodbye. I was so glad to leave that job.