Daily Comments #8 - Just a place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

Daily Comments #8 - Just a place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required!

Here we go again folks.

I shouldn't have had that 2 cupfuls of coffee.

My son just shared a cool dream. On a boat, a killer whale came up under, and the boat went up on it's back, and down on it's back. And back to smooth sailing.

Water-healing
Killer whale-spiritual guidance
Boat-ability to cope with emotions
Smooth waters...

awww....he's going to be alright, today!!! He gets a kick out of looking up the dream symbols with me.

I fell off my bed. O_o

I can't disappear deep enough into my house. I miss the sunlight but it's people, neighbors I don't want to deal with.

I'm not going to get upset because a person dislikes me.

"I leave the safety of my home holding my bag in both hands
And walk a straight, lonely road every morning
The sun deserts me and my shadow is starting to fade
No one notices but this heart of mine is crying
My words desert me and the only things left are the feelings I haven't told anyone
No one hears but this heart of mine is crying out"

An excerpt from a foreign language song. This much resonates me now.

I used to get upset when someone dislikes me too. I was like I wonder why that person doesn't like me. why am i not popular? truth is, popularity is merely a fad. Just because you're popular doesn't mean that others will always like you because when once you take off for college, they will forget you and you will grow apart, so accept it as part of life.

teh stupid music that i listened to when i was a child is coming back to haunt me. it's like there's a tape recorder that occasionally plays on its own without me taking control of it. This tiem I'm going to stop it and for good.

I have no seeds to plant today.

Feeling guilty because I want to smoke. And that want is likely going to turn into a will.

And I feel guilty for not wanting to talk with my PC friends.

My prescription has been affecting my sleep, and it is going to get worse, because the dose is going to be increased shortly. Last night, I managed to get some decent sleep a first in two weeks.

Feeling good for a change!

Feeling somewhat talkative today, yet there is no one to talk to. Oh well, it's okay.

Stuff is getting weird

I am flashing back to this past wrestling season; My exhaustion was fierce, was a wrestling mom 5-6 days a week.

What schedule, did I just sign my son up for?! OMG.....

I need to leave tomorrow at 5 am, come home, go back for 930pm...um,

I am flashing back to the time when I was younger. I remember how I would ask for favors but never got them. When people reject me like that and expect me to help them the next time, i try to be the bigger person and help them. After that, they still consider you nonexistent and that you're only there when they need help and then they make all kinds of promises that they can't kept. Why should I even try? Go ask somebody else for help. I am not a thing that you can only rely on when you need help.

Blah blah blah blah.
That is all I have at the moment.
Blech. Ok that too.

Making out with girls who black and yellow like a bumble bee.

There is something very wrong with AJ..... AJ's g/f and baby was here earlier and his g/f got mad the way AJ talked to me and she told him to stop talking to me like that and he started yelling and she started to cry and she went home....

She said she would not tolerate the way AJ talks to me and I shouldn't tolerate it either...AJ gets so out of control I have to say I am afraid of him when he gets angry.. ANd most anything will tip him off.. Even his guy friends have said they have never ever seen anyone talk to their mother or frighten their mother the way AJ does me...............And the key is a guy will treat his woman, pretty much the same way he treats his mom.......... SO very sad to be afraid of one's son.......

She has her issues... We all have our issues. But we don't go running about frightening, intimidating, threatening people...the way AJ does... Is not good for any woman let alone a baby to be around that crazy stuff....

Baby is 1 year old and he is just so cute, sweet and beautiful.... He passed his 1 year check-up with flying colors...........What a beautiful little baby... I pray mama does not get with AJ.. HE is very much like his dad... OOO so sweet on the surface but underneath there is this rage that all women need to be away from....

I'm rambling.. I feel so bad... For I love AJ....ANd to say these things, which are true, is even more painful.... He needs to focus on himself and stop picking at other's flaws..... He has plenty of flaws himself....

I hear him upstairs... so I best be going to my room.... I don't need to be around him now........

Bleh, I feel nauseous .

My arthritis is killing me today, I hope the painkillers start to work soon. Ugh!

I just get really damn sick and tired of how people in our lives do the darndest to get under our skin.
It's not like battling mental illness isn't hard enough...these morons have to put us to the test like it's fun for them or something.
This kind of behavior is demoralizing, insulting, and extremely counterproductive!
So help me, if its the last thing I do, I am gonna raise awareness about how the general public treats those of us with mental health issues....I am just damn sick and tired of it!

Oh along the same lines.
I'm expecting to go back to work Monday and well, be ignored like I was the other week by team.
Actually I shouldn't be so negative ... I talked with another Coworker that works over the weekend and he said he'd help out and understood where I was coming from because the desk was short people this weekend. New supervisor has been swampt and forgot this minute thing, along other things, so I've taken them on.
I feel sad, two others have been there longer than me by a year, the rest are new, but the two that have been there a little longer than me don't know much
Tyring to remind myself what Ext used to say, there's nothing wrong with me wanting to help out, it's just how I am and it's not a bad trait.

Sigh it mixes outside of work too. What's wrong with me?
Yesterday there were two little girls, oldest couldn't had been more than ten, but they had three boxes to carry, two big boxes- one big box, as big as them- and then one smaller box. I carried the biggest box to their apt because I didn't see how the two would be able to do this.
They didn't ask,I asked if they wanted help.
I heard an older mans voice asking the youngest with the small box, 'weren't there more?' When we got to their apartment.


I hope I didn't get them in trouble, that's all I've been thinking with that.... But then again that's because of my childhood and I don't get why he didn't help the girls.

My mom would had scolded me if I were young like that and let a stranger help me and she'd express how how bad people are...
While I can't say my mom would be totally wrong, but aren't there still good people? There of course never were according to her.

Admittedly though, if I were a man, of any race, I wouldn't have helped the girls, due to this day and age...
I hate that I feel bad for helping the girls.

Get ready