Good day. I took a break from the Internet today. It was great. I also took myself out to lunch.

[Marylin]

Good day,complete solitude which I enjoyed,as it happens.Peaceful and quiet.

[Unrigged64072835]

Pretty good. Finished up shopping and now waiting for dinner. (The kids are making pulled pork from the Crock Pot.)

[Marylin]

Lots went on today and I am tired and emotionally drained.I had a counselling session,we went over lots of painful stuff from the past.I explained how I have no choice now but to distance myself a great deal from my mother.Her latest verbally and emotionally abusive behaviour is too much to allow or tolerate.I must for my own health and safety cut her out of my life to all intents and purposes.

After counselling I enjoyed lunch at my favourite cafe and after that saw a film which I enjoyed.

Came home to an upsetting email about a complaint I made about some nurses that abused me.The investigation absolved them and try to say I perceived abuse where none was intended.I replied to that before saying fair enough if you won't acknowledge abuse took place then I will make a complaint and report your nurses to the Nurse and Midwifery Council that all nurses must be registered with to practice.They now want me to attend a department meeting and discuss what happened with strangers and expose me to the distress and embarrassment of having to verbally go over the distressing incident with them when all they want to do is save their nurses from getting into trouble without regard for what they did to me.I refused to attend or discuss the matter further and would write to the N&M Council I replied.But very upset about that.

In fact all I went through today triggered my PTSD again!

I also heard from the council about my hedge dispute.The neighbour owns it it is planted on her land but runs along my drive,I had been maintaining it well my sister was but narc sis got given marching orders so I couldn't do it anymore cos I am disabled and can't do heavy manual work,neighbour promised two years ago she'd do it on my side too.But she hasn't lifted a finger,she wouldn't remove it,maintain it or pay anyone else to maintain it.It made me angry cos I paid £60 to the gardener over two years to maintain it.Anyway I tried to get the council involved they said to me tonight if it is on her land but growing along my path and coming into my space,then I am allowed to trim it and cut it back,and am expected to be the one to maintain it on my side.Legally they think I am entitled to be reimbursed for what it cost by the owner but this has never had alegal precedent,it hasn't been tested in court cos the cost of claiming in court is prohibitive and would cost a lot more than just shutting up and forking out myself for maintenance.So the cow of a neighbour knew all along I couldn't do anything and she didn't have to lift a finger that is why she told me she wouldn't touch it on my side unless it became an obstruction.Needless to say I despise this woman and the trouble she has caused me.It has been very stressful.

I am now also worrying about losing my benefits cos the government has recently made moves to take money away from disabled people who struggle enough as it is.More stress and worry.I also am alone with all this the counsellor is the only support I have and it gets isolating and that hurts.At least I had someone to talk to with mother but one sided most of the time in that she would get the support from me and abandon me when I needed support,she was company of a sort though.But that is over and it is hard being totally alone.This has turned into a book,sorry to moan on.Rant over!Maybe a mod will move this post to the couch if they see it?

Going to bed now I reckon it is time to switch off and rest!

[Baker#88]

Horrible... I just can`t shake whatever is going on. Burning up, freezing, muscle aches, joint aches, etc. I still wonder if it has something to do with me toe. When they opened it up, that infection had to go someplace??? I see my Family Doc Monday, maybe she will have an idea.

It was good. I went to yoga, and accomplished some other things too.

[Marylin]

Got more rest and extra sleep,potted around,did the essential chores, tried to rest was physically exhausted which cause a deterioration in my mental health.

[Unrigged64072835]

Pretty good. Got food and meds so we're set for the weekend.

[TerryL]

I feel a bit emotional. found out today someone in our building, whom I used to like and whom I hadn't seen for years and thought had moved out, had actually died from cancer life is so short.

[Crazy Hitch]

I've got a head cold and the meds made me tired. Only got outta bed at 2pm.

[Unrigged64072835]

Pretty good. Got more clothes, wrote a poem, made a delicious dinner and now just chilling out.

[shezbut]

It was pretty good in spots. My younger daughter and I enjoyed a nice hike in beautiful weather!

[Marylin]

Today was scary,I was worrying a lot and concerned about benefit cuts,and the last bout of abuse from my mother left me numb and disconnected from source,from God and Jesus's love,this will not do.I won't engage with my mother again,I need to heal and be my own person, grow into my own energy and be free from emotional abuse.I am going to reconnect with God and his love for me,he has shown me who my mother really is and that she does not care for me,I ask him for guidance on this matter and he has not let me down!Praise be to God!

I had a good day today. I jogged through my neighborhood, I went to meditation group, I read some of a book I got at the library. It's really good so far. I do feel kind of ****** too. I went back on Facebook and it's the same old bs. I don't feel like deactivating it AGAIN, so I just won't log in.

[Unrigged64072835]

Pretty good. Went to church, then to Target to get new sheets. Nothing like freshly clean cotton.

pretty good

[Hope 51]

Morning was not so good, but the afternoon was much better.

[Marylin]

If I am honest I feel lousy,afraid,lonely,lost,abandoned and rejected and like I don't exist and don't matter to anyone,it wouldn't matter to anyone if I died tomorrow except perhaps to my beloved cats.........part of me wants out of all the hassles of this life.Here in the UK those on benefits that are in the support group who are there because they are too ill to work are going to be made to attend work sessions with work coaches and made to commit to certain activities in return for their benefits which if they don't comply they will have benefits cut applying to them the same sanctions they apply to healthy unemployed people.It is known as a regime,a regime is like system or punishment and rewards like imposed on people in the army or in a prison it isn't right for the people who are too ill or disabled for work.It is wrong,I am scared,how will I pay the bills and eat if I can't work and they want to force me to find work!It is a nightmare,I want to die and be at peaceThis is causing me a great deal of worry and distress and making my illnesses worse.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Marylin

If I am honest I feel lousy,afraid,lonely,lost,abandoned and rejected and like I don't exist and don't matter to anyone,it wouldn't matter to anyone if I died tomorrow except perhaps to my beloved cats.........part of me wants out of all the hassles of this life.Here in the UK those on benefits that are in the support group who are there because they are too ill to work are going to be made to attend work sessions with work coaches and made to commit to certain activities in return for their benefits which if they don't comply they will have benefits cut applying to them the same sanctions they apply to healthy unemployed people.It is known as a regime,a regime is like system or punishment and rewards like imposed on people in the army or in a prison it isn't right for the people who are too ill or disabled for work.It is wrong,I am scared,how will I pay the bills and eat if I can't work and they want to force me to find work!It is a nightmare,I want to die and be at peaceThis is causing me a great deal of worry and distress and making my illnesses worse.

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. You matter to me and you'll find support here. You are not alone. I can understand why you are so upset and anxious. Do they make exceptions? When will this go into effect?

[Unrigged64072835]

My day was up and down. I got food poisoning last night and been still paying for it today. At least I was able to get my hair done without running to the bathroom. Just had dinner and my guts are not amused.

[LadyShadow]

My sleeping schedule is all messed up. I am sleeping most of the day and I am up at night. It is what it is I suppose. I just threw up my hands. No use fighting it anymore.

Great day up until after supper. Then spent 2 1/2hrs trying to reinstall addons for the the kodi

[Marylin]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. You matter to me and you'll find support here. You are not alone. I can understand why you are so upset and anxious. Do they make exceptions? When will this go into effect?

Jennifer, I am not sure when they will call me for work coach sessions.For new claimants it starts as soon as they first claim.For me I have been in the support group which means I haven't been expected to look for work since 2011 and they have left me in peace all that time and not expected anything of me.There was a green paper published and the consultation for that ended February this year.it might kick in for them to get round existing long term claimants by the end of this year.If they cut my money it will be a shock,it isn't just that though if they find I am able to work when I can't it will be so hard,I have no qualifications,I can't do manual physical work cos I have a twisted spine and cannot stand up long periods or walk far.One look at me and an employer will dismiss me as unfit,I am also obese.I can't see me competing in the job market,though if desperate and forced into it I will have to be creative,it depends if they give me time to do a course or something.I am considering creative writing and trying to get published.The other thing I am prepared to try are those chat lines I can do a good sex talk if I have to and set up on my own,otherwise the established lines don't pay enough.if I can build up a clientel?Who knows,it is still going to take a lot of energy and being ill a lot of the time,getting too tired will automatically cause a deterioration in my mental health,and if they get me to agree I can work they might use that as an excuse to move me to the work group which is a lot less money.

It is a worry,but as Jesus said,when did a day's worry ever change anything,and don't worry about tomorrow today has enough troubles.I am better today,yesterday I had survival fears triggered by PTSD and emotional memories of trauma,which made me really full of fear.Today I am reconnecting with God and trying to have faith that my fears are unfounded and that maybe they will see when I go for the first work coach assessment that I am too ill to work so will stop ,cos apparently the work coach has discretion to decide if we have to do work or not.I have had a petition on the go against this since last November I started it.It has 4 293 signatures so far but these work coach plans haven't been publicly announced yet if they are hopefully there will be massive opposition to them.

Thanks for your understanding Jennifer.It has helped me to offload and been very cathartic.I will pray and do what I can,whatever God's will for me is,what he sends to try us he send to make us stronger and grow into our character and potential.I just have to overcome my survival fears.In addition to the mobility issues I have 3 other chronic illnesses ,diabetes and thyroid and sleep apnea and I am being investigated for cancer and have abnormal cells on top of the mental illness,schizoaffective disorder,PTSD,social anxiety and depression and general anxiety.Quite a lot,hopefully they will see that and not demand from me what I am not capable of.
I also worry that voicing my opposition to their plans will make me a target in their eyes,I have already sent emails to my MP which I regret doing asking him for reassurance,I should have left well alone cos he is a conservative who voted for benefit cuts.

[zzzsmokeyzzz]

Blogging and forum reading today. I also homeschool my son.

[Cocosurviving]

My day has been decent. My daughter was home sick. We slept in then I made brunch. Today we laid around watching tv and talking