How Are You Feeling Right Now? #5

Again, I feel better once I took off my pants and put on sweatpants.

I am feeling very upset. I was watching a docu series on video online about what to do to support liver health. I have been diagnosed with fatty liver for years and what with me getting into a healthy diet to tackle my diabetes I thought of sorting the liver and looking at my whole body cos it works in unison as a whole . Doctors only look at body parts. Anyway a sign of liver disease is black marks on nails from blood leakages and it so happens my toe nail has a bit black mark it won't heal.I was worried it was necrosis but its blood leakage. It made me think I have serious liver disease. Anyway the video series said not to eat flour or grains so I eliminated it from my diet last two day and my stomach around the abdomen has shrunk, like the inflammation has gone down, and it seems that however serious the liver problems get these doctors can reverse it with a specific drug that conventional medicine refuses to use cos they don't make money out of cures only out of drugs treating symptoms and surgery and transplants.

I know I can heal from my illnesses, but I am scared and don't have money for a doctor that does this alternative treatment. I don't want to die or be ill anymore. I hate doctors and don't trust them. There is a lot I can do to heal by changing my diet so that's what I will do. I will get healthy and make permanent changes to my diet and get all the tests done that I need to assess my liver health.

But the question is how am I feeling right now, I feel provoked and overwhelmed, provoked by the documentary and overwhelmed by the number of chronic ill health problems I am suffering from. I feel alone and unsupported through it, though the diabetic nurse has been helpful and really kind. At least in January I am starting sessions at a weight management group. The documentaries are scary cos it reminds us of all the bad foods that I have consumed and takes me out of my comfort zone, but it is an eye opener, there are another 4 days of videos to watch.

Lonely..

Depressed this afternoon

Better than I was earlier (panic attack) but tired

I am a bit tired but it is late....I am thinking, I know exercise is good for me physically, but am wondering will it help
with my moods and depression? I am going to do more exercise get my body moving and see if it helps me to not have such low moods.

I’m worried and stressed out.

Little tired, but okay overall.

Depressed this morning

I just rewatched the Rujubee lip synch from Drag Race Allstars season 1. That one makes my stomach ****ing ache there’s so many emotions in it. That and Honey Davenports elimination from season 11 are the only times I have truly felt strong emotions for someone else and could tell just how badly they wanted something.

I am tired again...………….a bit down.

I am calm and relaxed

Overwhelmed

Physically exhausted, but a bit of a pep in my step, for reasons I will explain later.

I’m stressed and anxious.

A small bit up and then a small bit down, but managing it all well enough.

Depressed this morning

I am really tired. I've been having trouble getting to sleep all week, and it's just wearing me down. I don't know what happened (I was sleeping better before that). I guess I'm just stressed... and life feels stupidly hard right now. I feel like... I'm just struggling to figure things out, and not sure where to go.

I'm a little tired and a little sad.

A huge cold brew coffee followed by a Xanax followed by spicy Gouda cheese equals 🤢. Every single one of my doctors and therapists would be pissed beyond belief if they knew I did this type of stuff on a regular basis.

Mixed emotions this afternoon

Like maybe I'm meant to be a type of hermit. That's hyperbole. But I do many things on my own and have been somewhat socially avoidant lately.

I even signed up for online dating again recently, and am just...not feeling it.

I don't feel bad about not caring for online dating. In fact, that may be a good thing. I do wonder why I'm so avoidant lately, with extracurriculars. Maybe its depression. I've been feeling quite low energy lately. And social stuff's always been hard for me.

I have been lonely lately, so I don't think I'm a hermit who loves being alone and hates people.

Disappointed and depressed this morning

My stomach is not feeling ideal. I've been taking antibiotics for bronchitis. I think they are part of the issue. Even normally, my stomach is often a little sensitive.

Overwhelmed