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#251
Mar 10, 2008, 06:34 PM
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With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
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#252
Mar 10, 2008, 06:35 PM
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To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
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#253
Mar 10, 2008, 06:35 PM
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Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
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#254
Mar 10, 2008, 06:35 PM
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Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
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#255
Mar 10, 2008, 06:36 PM
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If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
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#256
Mar 10, 2008, 06:36 PM
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Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ***. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
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#257
Mar 10, 2008, 06:36 PM
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70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight are his fists.
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#258
Mar 10, 2008, 06:37 PM
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Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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#259
Mar 10, 2008, 06:39 PM
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Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
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#260
Mar 10, 2008, 06:40 PM
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Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
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#261
Mar 10, 2008, 06:40 PM
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It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
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#262
Mar 10, 2008, 06:40 PM
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Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
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#263
Mar 10, 2008, 06:41 PM
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Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
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#264
Mar 10, 2008, 07:06 PM
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Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
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#265
Mar 10, 2008, 07:06 PM
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182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
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#266
Mar 10, 2008, 07:07 PM
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Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
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#267
Mar 10, 2008, 07:07 PM
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If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
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#268
Mar 10, 2008, 07:07 PM
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July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.
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#269
Mar 10, 2008, 07:08 PM
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Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
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#270
Mar 10, 2008, 07:08 PM
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In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
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#271
Mar 10, 2008, 07:08 PM
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Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
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#272
Mar 10, 2008, 07:09 PM
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If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
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#273
Mar 10, 2008, 07:09 PM
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The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
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#274
Mar 10, 2008, 07:11 PM
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When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
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#275
Mar 10, 2008, 07:11 PM
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Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
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