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#276
Mar 10, 2008, 07:12 PM
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As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
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#277
Mar 10, 2008, 07:12 PM
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Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
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#278
Mar 10, 2008, 07:12 PM
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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
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#279
Mar 10, 2008, 07:13 PM
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Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
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#280
Mar 10, 2008, 07:13 PM
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Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
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#281
Mar 10, 2008, 07:13 PM
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Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
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#282
Mar 10, 2008, 07:14 PM
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The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
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#283
Mar 10, 2008, 07:14 PM
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Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
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#284
Mar 10, 2008, 07:14 PM
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A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his *** twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
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#285
Mar 10, 2008, 07:15 PM
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Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
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#286
Mar 10, 2008, 07:15 PM
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Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
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#287
Mar 10, 2008, 07:15 PM
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Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
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#288
Mar 10, 2008, 07:16 PM
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Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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#289
Mar 10, 2008, 07:16 PM
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When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
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#290
Mar 10, 2008, 07:16 PM
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Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
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#291
Mar 10, 2008, 07:16 PM
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#
# Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
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#292
Mar 10, 2008, 07:17 PM
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There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
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#293
Mar 10, 2008, 07:17 PM
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A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
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#294
Mar 10, 2008, 07:17 PM
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Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
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#295
Mar 10, 2008, 07:18 PM
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In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
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#296
Mar 10, 2008, 07:18 PM
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Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
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#297
Mar 10, 2008, 07:18 PM
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Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
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#298
Mar 10, 2008, 07:18 PM
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For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
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#299
Mar 10, 2008, 07:19 PM
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In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stunt man for every character.
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#300
Mar 10, 2008, 07:19 PM
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We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
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