Chuck Norris

Mar 10, 2008, 06:19 PM

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:19 PM

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Mar 10, 2008, 06:19 PM

-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Mar 10, 2008, 06:20 PM

-Chuck Norris once taught a class called "*** Kicking 101". There were no survivors.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:20 PM

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:20 PM

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:20 PM

Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.

Mar 10, 2008, 06:20 PM

-The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:21 PM

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Mar 10, 2008, 06:21 PM

-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever..

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:21 PM

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:21 PM

Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:21 PM

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:22 PM

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:22 PM

Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:22 PM

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:23 PM

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:23 PM

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:23 PM

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:24 PM

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:24 PM

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

mandazzle · Mar 10, 2008, 06:24 PM

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.