[Blue93]

possible triggers

I didn't wanna post this in my other thread, about my brother, cause he's just not worth it.

I received a call today; appereantly my father died this morning.
I'm not sure how or what cause they either didn't say or it didn't register in my head but well... I just said 'mooi zo' and hang up the phone. Wich means something like 'thats great' or 'good riddance' i guess.

For everyone who doesn't understand my attitude towards my father; he was a horrible man and even though i don't wish anyone's death, I can't say i'm not relieved.

I'm not sure what I feel right now .. but no sadness that's for sure.

So why am i even typing this post if I don't care.. well I don't know, I just wanted to .. share i guess. Let it out or something. I don't know.

Today was a horrible day. Some things happened at school wich no, I don't wanna talk about, but maybe there's some justice in this world after all. One less thing to worry about you know?

Lucas

not good with words but i can certainly understand feelings of relief. good to let it out.
((( blue )))

[Miracle1986]

(((blue)))

it's good to share.

Though, I've never felt relieved when someone died before, many, many times I don't feel anything at all. I can empathize

[bebop]

dear sweet lucas. hon when my mom died I was older. 35. I had so many emotions that went thru me when they took her out of the house I didn't know which one was the one I should be feeling. relief, sadness, anger. just to name a few. take some time to mourn when you are ready. my love you you hon.

ps no one can tell you how to feel or mourn.

[I_WMD]

Hey Blue ,,,, !

You Still have ME !!! .

WMD.

[Blue93]

Wel at least i got out of school for today.
So now it's summerholiday... not sure what to think about that

[Hunny]

Hi, Blue,

I'm terribly sorry I missed this post before.

As for what to do on this summer holiday, here is hoping you will be able to be outside for awhile to feel the light of day upon you.

As far a your mixed emotions go, there is no rush to do much of anything about them, other than to let them unfold.

About two years ago I was compelled to attend a Grief Share Group. The most recent loss I had experienced, prior to attending that group, was my brother-in-law, who let's just say I had very little regard for. He came between my husband and I and did some very mean things to us both.

I had many loving and prior losses in my life but dang, if this one didn't trigger me to seek help. As it turned out, the complexity of this loss was more difficult to deal with than the loving losses. That was a bit of a surprise to me. I first had to deal with my anger (kind of) before I could address the grief. There was grief, but not in the loving way. It was more in a way where I just said goodbye but I don't miss the meanness. I felt more sorry for him than sad. I did have to process the loss though and I may even have cried but for the loss of what he could have been and how he died. I did not wish that upon anyone. My H, his brother was not sad, so he claims but he too, had to make some kind of peace.

Well, all of this to say, we come along side you in your moments of mixed emotions and pray for clarity, in due time.

Hunny

Originally Posted by Blue93

Wel at least i got out of school for today.
So now it's summerholiday... not sure what to think about that

[Blue93]

I do go to a griefchat, it was suggested to me earlier this year, when my brother was dying. While it is a nice chat with nice people I can't really talk about my father there...

I can't explain that I'm not sad he died cause he was a horrible man etc, cause twice now they/someone told me not to talk about 'my hate for my father if it doesn't really bother me anyway & there are new people here who just lost their dad' 'that's horrible, inconsiderate' etc... So I don't mention it... Might try again sometime, dunno.

[cantstopcrying]

Blue---I'm so glad you have relief....obviously I'm not happy that someone died because at one time he was loved by someone and because without him we wouldn't have you....however, I am glad that you will never have hurt from him again (not new hurt, anyway).

I've said this before and I'll say it again, you are an amazing young man---the hell you've gone through in your life is unimaginable to me, and you still take the time to care for others....you deserve the relief you feel. Your emotions are yours and good for you for not letting others dictate to you how you should feel.

[Hunny]

Blue,

Although I was just new to PC at the time I know you have been through much after the loss of your dear brother, as I observed the posts.

As for the death of your father, this feeling of relief is exactly how I felt about my relative dying. I am actually glad he is gone.

I did not know you have a grief chat already. You may be right about being sensitive to their loving losses as opposed to this, your recent one.

All the best,
Hunny