[DragonSong]

I lost my baby girl in 98..people say I should get over it an move on..my own husband told me just days after that I should move on ..what?...how can I?....they dont know what its like...they didn't lose a child or they were not the ones who carried that child inside them....a part of me died that day...I dont want to forget and move on..I loved her even thou I had not met her yet but she was a part of me and I her..we were connected and that connection got severed and she was gone..I feel her near me always and a day does not go by that I am not thinking of her...I blame myself for what happened...I have talked and talked about it with T's and it does not get no better....I feel so much anger,,hate,,sadness,,loneliness,,and yet peace at times knowing that she is with my grandfather and he will look after her..does anyone get over what has happened to a loved one?..or a friend?..why do people tell you to get over it?...

[bebop]

no one should ever tell someone to "get over it". I lost a granddaughter when she was 13 weeks old. she was my world. it took me a long time to move forward in my life. My daughter has also miscarried 2 others and has a 12 yrs old son. I am thankful every day for him. I do understand your anger and hurt and even yearning for her. acceptance is the key to healing.

[DragonSong]

but moving forward...is like forgetting isnt it?..moving past ?..its been 12 yrs. and I feel like I replaced her with my son who was born a year later just 4 days short of her date...I love my son and dont look at him any different..but when his birthday comes up I think..she would be going on another year..what would she be like what would she be doing...is that normal ...I am sorry for your lose as well...and your daughters....I understand what your saying thou..man I dont even know what to say anymore..I feel at a loss..I have talked so much but it never seems to go anywhere but in circles..sighs...maybe that just how its going to be for me round and round like a mery-go-round..

[Lilleth]

You never really get over something like that you learn to live with it and sometimes it still comes back to you like it was when it happened. I lost a granddaughter in Jan of this year she was born dead ( the hospitals fault) She would have been my 3rd grand child and only grand daughter. Her mother says she is ok most time but then it hits her what she has lost but she says everything is for a reason even when we don't know what that reason is. She says at least she got to see her. Enjoy the ones you have living and each time the one that passed on comes to mind remember that you at least had some time with them.

[bebop]

I don't think moving forward is forgetting at all. You still have one that needs you. The child would NOT want you not to move forward! I understand the feeling that a part of you died as well. I have 3 grandbabies in Heaven. it will always hurt. just sometimes you just don't feel it as much. I strongly suggest maybe some grief counseling to help you thru this.

[lotusflames]

i could have had an almost 9 year old son now and every year, as october rolls around (when i miscarrid), it's hard. but i dont know, maybe i look at it differently to you, perhaps it's cos i was only 17, i dont know. i dont forget but it doesn't bother me as much

[Cthomas]

Nobody should tell you to get over it. I lost a baby at 6th months. not quite full term. But I knew he wouldnt make it. he lived two hours. Ive grieved his death for the last 12 years. What made it worse was my sister in law had a baby not too long after. I see her son year after year. while he is a wonderful kid and I love him, I think what would my son look like. What would he be like.

theres no time frame to get over it. I never will forget.

Good luck to you.

Colleen

[Sabrina]

Moving forward does not mean forgetting. I sense you are feeling guilty about that. There is no time limit on grief. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain it still causes you.

[lizardlady]

I agree with Sabrina... moving on does not mean forgetting. To me moving on means finding a way of dealing with the grief that allows me to function in life. IMHO telling someone to "get over it" is heartless.

[msharp2]

I agree with what everyone is saying as well. No one should ever tell you to just get over it. You will never forget, but moving on does not mean forgetting the child you lost. Moving on means that you will always keep a special place in your heart for your child but that you must attend to those that are living now. You must take care of yourself and your family, if you are dealing with overwhelming depression, then you must take care of this. My mom miscarried and her marriage to my step-dad fell apart after that because of the blame and their inability to talk about and deal with what happened. Don't let the loss tear you or your family apart. My husband lost his dad 4 years ago and I lost my mom 4 months ago and even though I show my emotions and talk about my mom often, he only talks about his dad once in a while and doesn't show his emotions as willingly. We all have different ways of dealing with loss. The loss of a child is one of the most tragic events in our lives but we must carry on for those that are still here and need us.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I never really get over any loss.

I will always be attached to my loved one in some way.

I will never forget her.

B.

[bebop]

hon you could never forget her at all!