[lyrical_chula]

a few months ago my friend killed herself by jumping off a bridge well i feel like when she jumped i jumped with her i have been so down ever since i havent been sleeping so good my T put me on meds but i was scared so i stopped taking them i find myself working so much just so that i can ignor the feelings i refuse to cry i refuse to think about anything other than work i make myself busy so i can push this stuff down she has been burried for almost 5 months now and so have i its been so bad i stopped going to T for 2 months i just started going back but i feel like there is no hope anymore i want to SI again its the only thing that will make me feel good again i just miss her so much and wish that it could have been me instead of her she deserved it more than i do i feel like i failed her as a friend i just dont know anymore i feel so empty and lost and confused and hurt

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

I am sorry for your loss.

Have a good one.

[sunsetsunrise]

I am so deeply sorry that you lost your dear closest friend. I wish I had words that could ease the pain. I simply can just say I care.

[Lilleth]

I am so sorry for your loss I wish there were some words of comfort I could say to you that would help.

[Sabrina]

I am sorry for the loss of your friend

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Lyrica

This is just awful for you, and to suffer the way you are is such a pall over you, but please try to understand that you're not at fault and there was nothing you could do to stop it or avoid it

Allow yourself to be supported and cared for here and keep posting your messages your situation is important to us

[VickiesPath]

Hello and welcome to PsychCentral. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend to cancer about 14 years ago and I stuffed it for 8 years and the pain that came out then was just as bad as if I hadn't waited to feel it. Probably worse because I also felt guilty for not being fully "there" at her end of life. I went to therapy and worked with meds and talked and talked about it. James Van Praagh even gave me a message from her. It has taken a very long time to get over not only her loss but the lack of grieving in a timely manner. I felt really guilty like I had abandoned HER by not grieving when, in fact, it was ME who I abandoned.

Don't abandon yourself. It was her choice and she made it. If I were you, knowing what I know now, I would grieve and honor her life as best I could. It hurts badly, I know, but it's gonna hurt worse later. Trust me on this one. The voice of experience.

Oh, and in a way, my friend's death was a sort of suicide. She refused to get ckecked when she knew she had a breast lump. She waited until it was too late. Suicide by denial. I stuffed her death and my grief because I was so angry at her I couldn't grieve for eight years.

[peaches100]

Lyrical Chula,

I'm so very sorry that you lost your close friend this way! It sounds like you have a lot of grief that you're trying to avoid by staying busy. You mentioned that you have a therapist. Please let her know how you're suffering emotionally and ask her to help you deal with these very difficult feelings. Most likely, trying to push away the sadness won't really work. Your feelings of sadness and loss are valid and real. She was a good friend. Of course you miss her terribly. Please allow your t to help you navigate through this very difficult time. Also, know that people here at PC care about you and are here to support you too.

[Miracle1986]

I'm so sorry for your loss.
We are here to support you...

[Pikku Myy]

My BBF shot herself in a head... after she dropped off her 13 month old daughter, and complited all her errans..... She received all my daughters baby furniture, clothing, etc... She somehow said good bye to everyone.... but me... I was in DC on a business trip.... and collapsed when I found out. It took me a good two years to even talk about it.... and now just still feel sad. I do now in my mind understand.... this was her only choise.... and she, not anyone else made it. Hugs from here....this was in 1993....

[hugs46]

I am sorry for your loss. Ending your life is not the answer. I have been in that deep dark hole though, and know what she was feeling because I have been there. I am so sorry she left you to feel this way. You do need to grieve about it though. Don't hold it in any longer, it will only fester and come to a head in some way. There are survivor grief groups out there. Call your hospitals or ask your therapist if there are any where you live. Meet with other people that our going through the same thing. You need to come to grips with it and then let it go. Hugs to you.

[lyrical_chula]

thank you so much everyone i am working with my T and on meds for depression and ptsd its hard its a daily struggle and it does not get easier thanks again