[yellowted]

No-one quite understands what losing your man is like,
It’s worse than falling off and breaking your long saved for new bike.
It leaves you feeling lonely when you have friends around,
It leaves you listening on a night for every little sound.
Just longing for that special one who
Always cared and said he loved you.
People say, you'll find another,
But no-one can replace your one true lover.
That's the one with whom you are meant to be,
And no other one can live up to he.
You try and carry on the best you can,
But all the time you're longing for your man.
It leaves a hole within your heart
Which nothing can fill whilst you’re apart.
There is a tunnel but there is no light,
Just a hurt deep inside both day and night.
That hurt will pass people say without knowing,
When in fact it just keeps on growing and growing.
Nothing seems quite as it should,
That hole is there it's there for good.
The world goes on though your world's ended,
That hole in your heart will never be mended.
No matter what you try to do
That hurt is there a haunting you.
Five or ten years down the line,
Just when you think you're doing fine,
Something will remind you of your love that's gone,
It may be a photo, a saying, a song.
Then suddenly all the hurt comes back,
And for a while your world turns black.
You pick yourself up and carry on again,
But deep inside that hurt remains.
Locked away until you die,
And are reunited with your lover in the sky.
But till the time you're laid to rest,
You just have to carry on and do your best.

I never believed i could hurt as much as i did when my man breathed his last breath, even being abused by my stepfather didn't hurt like this. he is with me every day in my heart but it is the special days like his birthday, death day and christmas which even after 7 years still hurt like it was only yesterday when he died, i miss him sooo much. .this poem was written to try to explain to others who have no idea what losing the only love you have known is really like so they may actually think before they say their cruel unhelpful words to anyone else who is berieved.

[Leed]

Hi - I know exactly what it feels like. I lost my husband 9 years ago, and the holidays are the worst. While I've stopped "grieving" I still feel a hole in my heart. No one will ever fill that space. I will always be comparing people to him - and that's not fair.

So, I am content to stay single, and not date. Just don't need to. I would feel like I was cheating on my hubby. I have found peace now, and that's all I need.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly. I hope in time you can find peace too. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[yellowted]

thankyou Lee, sorry to hear about your husband, so glad you have found peace, holidays are definitely the worst, i wrote this a couple of years ago, i too have finished 'grieving' and like you am happy to stay single, i was told as a child that in the world there is someone special for everyone out there, i feel i found my someone special and lost him to God so there is no one out there for me to find or who i could love like i did Jim. I have a couple of male friends who give lovely hugs and i am content with that. whenever i feel down i arrange to meet one of them , i am up front with them when i need a hug, they both know we are all just friends and are happy with that.

[Yoda]

It has been ten years but I still miss him. My son and I recently talked about wishing we could be with him again.

[lynn P.]

((Yellowted)) - this is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read...it brought me to tears, but that's okay. I'm so sorry for your grief. As I was reading it, I thought of my own mother who was widowed at the age of 33 with 5 children. I also thought of myself and the grief I felt when I discovered my husband married another woman(long story). You're lucky to have shared such a great love. Thank you for sharing.

[yellowted]

Originally Posted by Yoda

It has been ten years but I still miss him. My son and I recently talked about wishing we could be with him again.

yoda, unfortunately you will always miss him if he was your perfect man, but god will reunite you when it is the right time and not before(trust me i tried)
be grateful you still have your son, try to enjoy your time with him and when alone be thankful that you can be master of the tv remote, have all the duvet etc, try indulging yourself in long hot bubble baths, candles always make me relaxed and calm. Thinking of you over the festive season, i know it is a hard time for everyone who lost their loved one
be kind to yourself x

[yellowted]

Lynn P Thankyou for your kind words, it was written from my heart not my head i think. I was extremely lucky, he was my saviour after an extremely abusive life till i met him, another poem/song i wrote which works through me questioning god about why he took him will be on site tonight although it doesn't say it but my man was great at fixing cars etc so i reacon god took him because he needed his camper van fixing for the holidays so my my man was chosen to fix it!!! sotty this one made you cry, hopefully it was a 'healing' cry
be kind to yourself x

[lynn P.]

No need to apologize yellowted. Yes it was a healing cry and thank you again....it was beautiful.

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by yellowted

yoda, unfortunately you will always miss him if he was your perfect man,

For the first seven years we were together he indeed was perfect or as near perfect as a person can be. But then he met a guy who was trafficking drugs and started using meth and it changed him, his personality, everything. I lost the insane abuser he had become and I also lost the loving man he was before he used meth. I don't like it but I can't change it.

[yellowted]

yoda, you have certainly had a double dose of loss, not easy to deal with, try to remember the good times before he started using meth, that was the real him, your man, after that it was probably the meth runing him, i guess i had it easy i only lost my man once! i don't know much about people who use drugs but am here if you need to talk about your man, your losses or how his use of meth affects you, i may not have the answers but am a good listener!
take care of you, you are still special xx