[desirae]

Today I finally packed up the Christmas tree. I know it is kind of late.
I scrunched the tree up into the box, and began bubble wrapping the fragile ornaments. I've never been the holiday type, so I considered this kind of a chore.
I came across a few ornaments my grandmother gave me, and the gulit knots pitted themselves into my gut.
My sons first Christmas ornament, the White House collectors item ornament, and the blown glass angel ornament were all given to me by my grandmother, who has passed away 9 months ago.
She is everywhere here, yet she is being forgotten. Was I supposed to enjoy my first Christmas without my grandmother the way I did?
I feel bad that I was not terribly sad. All I wanted was for the babies to have a good Christmas. It went very well, and I was happy.
Is that wrong of me?
Should I cry?
I don't feel I've mourned her death properly. It's as if it's a touchy subject nobody brings up.
Am I a horrible granddaughter?
I feel I owe her sympathy and the sadness involved in greiving. But they are not there.
Desirae

you are not a bad granddaughter. you were right in giving your children a good Christmas. you loved your grandmother and she knew that. think of the good memories and that will warm your heart and soul. love, pat

[eskielover]

There is nothing wrong with your feelings....nothing to feel guilt about. It is a good thing to have the good memories in your mind about your grandmother & not having to feel sad. It is normal to realize the vacancy that can be replaced, but making your Chirstmas traditions for your own children is what is important now.

It will always be wonderful for you to look at those ornaments every Christmas & remember your grandmother & tell your children about her when they see the ornaments. What a great way to carry on the memories without the need for tears.

Debbie

[Lexicon78]

You are not doing anything wrong. When my mom died I didn't really feel the effects until this year. (She died 1 1/2 years ago) I got really depressed and suicidal. So don't go beating yourself up over this. There are times that will be better than others. There's no set order that the phases of grief have to go in, either.

So hang in there and take care.

[desirae]

Thanks everybody, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who can feel this way.
Desirae

[EJ711]

No Desirae,

You are not a horrible grandaughter.

I know how much you loved your grandmother. She would want you to be focused on your children's happiness this Christmas. I know you still hold her in your heart. You are a good mother, just the fact you put up the tree for your children.

I think you are a remarkable young lady. Feel free to PM.

Your grandmother would want you to be happy.

Hugs,

Jane

[froggie2]

Sometimes I think grieve is a funny thing. I wonder how could you hurt with your grandmothers love all around you? She is living on through you to your children and so it goes. on and on. Rejoice In that Love.

[MacD]

Desirae - Joy is the greatest legacy that we can leave...you are so brave and smart in honoring the joy that your grandmother brought to you...by carrying on the tradition of holiday joy....she would be so proud...( and I know that she is)...love grace

[froggie2]

My fuzz brain wasn't working. My stepfather died last January and my mom died July 12. i never cried. Then this Christmas the radio played Hawaiian Wedding Song one of my moms favorites. The flood gates finnaly opened and i cried and cried and cried. I finnaly felt better. I know they aren't all gone yet but I welcome them they are just part of the steps to go through They just took awhile to process. Love and Stuff Froggie