I don't understand???

My niece(21 years old) was 7 months pregnant and the babies heart stopped beating. Two days ago her doctor admitted her and had her go through labor and delivery for a baby that was no longer alive. Wouldn't it be better to have c-section in such cases? The doctor said this way there isn't as much trauma on the body-- delivering vaginally- as a c-seciont- but what about the emotional trauma?? that can be worse sometimes--can't it. She had to go through labor pains and pushing only to have the final outcome be--- the loss of a baby....

My niece may need to be hospitalized for her depression-- she's taking it very very hard. I think the whole labor thing was what affected her so intensely.

Poor little guy--(It was a boy)..... why didn't he get a chance to see the world????

mandy

oh mandy! there is no understanding this kind of thing. so sorry for you, your young niece and her freshly lost baby boy

we know nothing of ob/gyn reasoning for physical reasons but you sure are correct that her psychological trauma might be more than her ob/gyn could fathom.

sadly this type of loss could be used to bring attention to importance of mental health support for expectant mothers who face sudden fetal death or miscarriage. again we don't have links or info but wish that more could be done.

so very sorry mandyfins. we never understand why such young ones never get breath on this planet. deepest sympathies to you and yours.

I have no words of comfort, mandy. Just know that I'm here for you.

mandyfins, I like your niece went through the very same thing 29 years ago, it will take her time and she will always miss the angel she gave back to heaven, the main reason for the natural labor is so the body and hormones react as natural as possible a c-section is basically to hard on the body and takes longer to heal
Prayers to your niece and you, also to the daddy, they suffer too.
Love
Angie

Thank you _zh for your kind, comforting words.

Yes, perhaps her psychological needs are more than her doc can understand.
Maybe the psychological needs of all expectant mothers and new mothers needs to be understood better.(maybe?)
The physiological needs seem to be the main and sometimes the only focus.

Your reply is much appreciated. _zh--

mandy

Your being here is very much comfort Tunia-- thank you so much.

Tunia-

mandy

Oh, I'm so sorry you went through this too. My heart is with you.

I figured there were some sort of good reasons that they had her go through labor-- but still-- it just seems so hard that way. I guess any way is hard in this situation though.....*sigh*

The daddy is probably sad, .... though I wish I could say he's a kind man to the one he's supposed to love... (my niece went to the ER twice with severe injuries but wouldn't tell anyone how they happened, that was before she was pregnant)

Your reply and kindness are much appreciated. And like you, I'm sure she will always miss that dear sweet little angel-- as will I.

Angie--

mandy I am so sorry for you and your neice. the loss of a child is the hardest thing anyone can ever go thru. I know having a natural delievery must be really tough on her knowing that her baby was not alive. I can't imagine having to go thru that myself.

On a side note though I hope they did an autopsy to find out what was wrong with the baby. It might be something genetic she should be made aware of for the future.

Again hon my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Thank you Bebop for your comforting support. I know you can understand what it's like to lose a child(or grandchild)-- I'm sorry you can relate.

They are doing an autopsy just like you said-- to see if it was anything genetic. They first did blood tests and everything came out healthy/normal. We haven't heard the results of the autopsy yet.

Thank you so much for your kind reply Bebop- .... I appreciate you very much.

mandy

Some doctors also believe that vaginal births of the stillborn child is better because the brain can sometimes make the person believe that they didn't give birth with a c section with a stillborn because the person doesn't go through the labor and so on with a c section of a stillborn child. When people schedule for a c section they don't go through the labor and so on. its here the shot cut her open and remove child. But with vaginal birth the mother has to participate in the process.

It is due to this participation that the mother is able to start going through the natural grief cycle right away that she has lost a child instead of months down the road suddenly falling apart because of the numbness and the unrealness of not participating (giving birth) starts wearing off.

I know it sounds cruel that they are making her face the fact that her child is dead right from the beginning. but its kind of like any other problem for example the abuse we went though look where many of us are now because we separated ourselves from the pain and the acts of wha twas happening to us.

Its better that she is doing it this way and will be taking care of her pain and grief right from the beginning instead of months and years down the road.

Thank you for your reply.

That's something to think about, some women might not totally greive if they didn't go through the whole birth process. It would be interesting to see if there is some kind of study on this--- do women fair better that go through a vaginal birth, as far as coping with the loss-- vs.- those that had a c-section....... I wonder if there is such a study??

Yes, I can sure understand how hiding emotional pain away(like some of us have done) is not usually the best way to go. Dealing with it from the beginning will more than likely keep things in the best perspective -- not allowing things to "fester", I suppose.

I think for me the "cruel" part isn't so much them making her face the loss-- but having her go through the painful, long labor-- only to-- NOT get the end "reward" (a baby) . That's the part I'm struggling with-- but maybe like you said--- it's for the best--, I'm just not sure.(I have a hard time trusting that doctors know what is best-- they're sure not infallible(IMO).)

Thank you for sharing another possible explanation for this sad and difficult situation, it's certainly something to consider.

mandy

I think they take into consideration any future pregnancies too, and that a natural birth gives her better odds for a successful one.

Oh, and here is some info too. Maybe they can find a group in their area.

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/...stillbirth.htm

Oh yes, that's another thing to consider-- future pregnancies/deliveries. thank you Tunia!

I sent that website on to them-- thanks for that too. She is going to go to a support group that meets once a month-- and the doctor put her on anti-depressants for a while.

Thank you for your kindness Tunia-

mandy

I am sorry that your Niece went through something so Traumatic. To carry the baby and prepare for thier birth, and then to have something so tragic happen.
My thoughts and Prayers are with your Niece and Family.

Oh Mandy,

I'm so sorry your neice (and you) had to go through this. It is the worst pain anyone could feel. From finding out you're pregnant, the excitement, telling everyone, preparing for the baby, and then to have it all go away. It is heartbreaking. I lost a child 30 years ago but still think about it from time to time. I hope your neice will be able to get over this and return to a normal life again. It will take time. Probably a lot of time. But with her friends and families help, she will get better.
I wish all the best for you and your neice.
Linda

Thank you jlove, I appreciate your kind reply and support.

Thank you Pat, I also appreciate your kindness and support!

Linda (Boopers)-- I'm so sorry you've been through this also. ... my heart goes out to you. I agree, her friends and our family are important in her feeling a bit better. thank you for sharing and for your kind reply and support.

Everyone here has been so thoughtful, such kind posts and PMs-- thank you

mandy

One of my brothers and his wife had this happen to them...when the baby dropped into position the cord tied around his neck. She also went through labor and all... and while that was trying to say the least, it allowed her to have more children without also having to have a c section. (Once you have one...)

Some things we just don't know.